Text 4108, 105 rader
Skriven 2006-05-05 07:46:42 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: Dads are Dangerous
==============================
    -=> 02-May-2006 22:16, George Pope wrote in a message to all <=-

 GP> "Hello, George?  It's your father again.  I have another question
   > about my new computer.  Can I tape a movie from cable TV then fax it
   > from my VCR to my CDROM then E-mail it to my brother's cellular phone
   > so he can make a copy on his neighbour's camcorder?"

     SO, tell us Mate......did you get it to work? ;-?

> OBJoke: for our Moderator and all-round friend/servant

            COST STUDY ON A WOOD STOVE
            --------------------------

  In the rush to develop alternative technologies to relieve our
dependency on non-renewable fuel, the high initial costs of some "solar"
systems are being overlooked.  Below is a list of expenditures covering
the first years operation of a wood burning stove.

Stove, pipe, maintenance, etc.                          $ 458.00
Chain Saw                                                 149.95
Gas and maintenance for chain saw                          44.60
4-wheel drive pick-up                                    8279.00
Replacement of rear window of pick-up (twice)             438.99
Fine for cutting trees in provincial park                 500.00
Fifteen cases of beer                                     126.00
Tow charge from creek                                      50.00
Littering fine                                             50.00
Doctors fee for removing splinters from eye                45.00
Emergency room treatment (broken toes from dropped log)   125.00
Safety shoes                                               49.50
New living room carpet                                    899.00
Paint walls and ceiling                                   110.00
Log splitter                                              150.00
Fifteen-acre woodlot                                     3000.00
Replacement of coffee table (chopped up and burned
                  while drunk)                             75.00
Divorce settlement                                      33678.00
                                                       ---------
Total first years cost                                  48881.54
savings in conventional fuel first year                  -172.52
                                                       ---------
NET cost of wood stove operation first year.            48709.02


> OBJoke: for Mr. <+]::-{(} ("Cyberpope")

     FINALLY.  A COMPUTER THAT MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE A MAN.

  If you've seen the popular new personal computers, you know the major
drawback - they are so SMALL.  They do not look like computers.  Where
are the big dials and whirring, beeping things?  Where are the spools of
thick black tape that spin from side to side?

A DISK DRIVE YOU CAN DRIVE.

  Relax.  Megadot is proud to introduce the Megadata 10,000,000
Microcomputer, the first portable computer too big to be legally
transported on many American roads.  Employing the most cumbersome
macrocircuitry available today, the Megadata 10,000,000 is the only
portable computer built to withstand a direct nuclear strike.  A five
hundred gigabyte internal memory vault stores a universe of information,
and also smelts ore.  And how's this for convenience: the Dynarobic
fanfold tractor option is also a mini-helipad!

YOUR WIFE WILL HATE YOU.

  The Megadata 10,000,000's full vent-to-bore I/O compatibility insures
months of tedious cocktail-party conversation.  Naturally, a complete
software library is just one part of the total package, including:
  WORDWIZ, SILICALC, INFOSNAP, SEMI-SHACK, EGGFART, DATAHUNK, choice of
HOMOMERGE or FLITBIT, SOFTSTOOL, DABBA-DOO, LOG-A-DOG Kennel Organizer,
MICRO-SNIFF, OKEYDOKEY 1.1, BONER-PRO, TWATPLOTTER, and the CROSSBOSS
II Employee Discipline Package.

  The Megadata 10,000,000 is equipped with fully-featured Touch-Tronic
numeric keypad that boasts an individual key for every number from 1 to
1,000.  One-stroke convenience eliminates costly calculation errors!
Megadata's patented 11,872-key character board lets you compute in any
alphabet currently known to man.  Built-in ink jet printer accepts
paper up to 40 feet across, 11 miles long.  Special patented process
lets you print on polished marble, too - without sticking or jamming!
FCC-assured lambent radiation reduces the size of many simple tumors,
gradually eliminates the need for sunglasses.  Lead-impregnated testicle
cup included with every purchase.

  NO LONGER BE ASHAMED TO BOAST, "I OWN A COMPUTER." THE MEGADATA
10,000,000 MACROCOMPUTER IS THE FIRST COMPUTER THAT DOES NOT WONDER IF
YOU ARE A HOMOSEXUAL.

  Can You Afford NOT To Own A Computer That Costs $1.1 Billion?
Shipping Not Included.


         ._ _.
 Cheers /(. .)\    )
  from    (*)____/Ý
  I       /       Ý
  C      /   Ý--\ Ý
  E-man (_)(_)  (_)  AWGTHTGTTSA

... ÜßÜßÜÜßÜßÜÜßÜßÜ ‹ DRi¥K tì màkˆ éÂhÉ© pˆ•plä ¡Nt‰R‰StiïG. ßÜßÜßßÜßÜßßÜßÜ

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 * Origin: Afraid of the competition? We ARE the Competition! (3:633/104)