Text 4254, 330 rader
Skriven 2006-05-25 04:16:38 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: A F unny
====================
GP> On (21 May 06) Greg Sears wrote to All...
GS> local says "Well, they've been hangin' around together so long they
> know all the same jokes, so to save extra talkin' they've given 'em
> numbers." The new fellow says "That's mighty clever! I think I'll
> try that."
> So he stands up and says in a loud voice "Nineteen!" Silence;
> everybody just looks at him, but nobody laughs. Embarrassed, he sits
> down again, and asks the local fellow "What happened? Why didn't
> anyone laugh?"
> The local says "Well, son, ya just didn't tell it right..."
George Pope replied saying F unny stuff to Greg Sears
GP> or they beat the shit out of him and then the explanation is, "You
> should know better than to tell a pro-Clinton joke in a redneck bar"
OR
another joker said "the jokers couldn't hear you from the john!"
And SPEAKING of(or IN) schools. . .
M A T H E M A T I C S P U R I T Y T E S T
There have been many purity tests, here we bring you the mathematics
purity tests. Count the number of yes's, subtract from 60, and divide
by 0.6.
THE BASICS
1) Have you ever been excited about math?
2) Had an exciting dream about math?
3) Made a mathematical calculation?
4) Manipulated the numerator of an equation?
5) Manipulated the denominator of an equation?
6) On your first problem set?
7) Worked on a problem set past 3:00 a.m.?
8) Worked on a problem set all night?
9) Had a hard problem?
10) Worked on a problem continuously for more than 30 minutes?
11) Worked on a problem continuously for more than four hours?
12) Done more than one problem set on the same night (i.e. both started
and finished them)?
13) Done more than three problem sets on the same night?
14) Taken a math course for a full year?
15) Taken two different math courses at the same time?
16) Done at least one problem set a week for more than four months?
17) Done at least one problem set a night for more than one month
(weekends excluded)?
18) Done a problem set alone?
19) Done a problem set in a group of three or more?
20) Done a problem set in a group of 15 or more?
21) Was it mixed company?
22) Have you ever inadvertently walked in upon people doing a problem
set?
23) And joined in afterwards?
24) Have you ever used food doing a problem set?
25) Did you eat it all?
26) Have you ever had a domesticated pet or animal walk over you while
you were doing a problem set?
27) Done a problem set in a public place where you might be discovered?
28) Been discovered while doing a problem set?
KINKY STUFF
29) Have you ever applied your math to a hard science?
30) Applied your math to a soft science?
31) Done an integration by parts?
32) Done two integration by parts in a single problem?
33) Bounded the domain and range of your function?
34) Used the domination test for improper integrals?
35) Done Newton's Method?
36) Done the Method of Frobenius?
37) Used the Sandwich Theorem?
38) Used the Mean Value Theorem?
39) Used a Gaussian surface?
40) Used a foreign object on a math problem (eg: calculator)?
41) Used a program to improve your mathematical technique (eg: MACSYMA)?
42) Not used brackets when you should have?
43) Integrated a function over its full period?
44) Done a calculation in three-dimensional space?
45) Done a calculation in n-dimensional space?
46) Done a change of bases?
47) Done a change of bases specifically in order to magnify your vector?
48) Worked through four complete bases in a single night (eg: using the
Graham-Schmidt method)?
49) Inserted a number into an equation?
50) Calculated the residue of a pole?
51) Scored perfectly on a math test?
52) Swallowed everything your professor gave you?
53) Used explicit notation in your problem set?
54) Puposefully omitted important steps in your problem set?
55) Padded your own problem set?
56) Been blown away on a test?
57) Blown away your professor on a test?
58) Have you ever multiplied 23 by 3?
59) Have you ever bounded your Bessel function so that the membrane did
not shoot to infinity?
69) Have you ever understood the following quote:
"The relationship between Z^0 to C_0, B_0, and H_0 is an example of
a general principle which we have encountered: the kernel of the
adjoint of a linear transformation is both the annihilator space of
the image of the transformation and also the dual space of the
quotient of the space of which the image is a subspace by the image
subspace."
(Shlomo and Bamberg's A "Course" in Mathematics for Students of
Physics)
> OBTest: for our Moderator and all-round friend/servant
SO YOU THINK YOUR MAD!
For many years I've questioned my own sanity, knowing that there
wasn't something quite right with the way other people react to me.
Most people profess to be Mad, but are actually acting mad to impress
someone or generally trying to get noticed. There is varying levels of
insanity, and following is a little test devised by myself to test
yourself, to see if you are as mad as you thought you were.
If you can't answer a question, i.e. Not really applicable/Can't
relate to the question, then Choose D as your answer.
1. You're with your brother on a particularly boring day out to the
Lake District. To kill the boredom you;
A. Turn on Radio 1 and listen to that funny guy Steve Wright.
B: Climb a few Conker trees and do an impression of a primate.
C: Put a pair of swimming goggles on your brother, hold him in a
horizontal position, and go passes the window of a cafe.
2. You find yourself in the dentist having a filling, he offers you a
pair of safety spectacles, do you.
A. Except, and try to do an impression of Dame Edner Everage.
B: Refuse, and pull out a pair which you have prepainted with eye's on
them.
C: Refuse, and pull out a pair of Terminator II (tm) Shades.
3. Whilst in a pub you notice a friend who is particularly boring, and
he's noticed you, what do you do ?.
A. Hide in the toilets and hope that he hasn't seen you.
B: Wait for him to start talking to you and say "Do I know you!".
C: Completely ignore him and drift off into analyzing why people need
to come to places like this.
4. Coming home from a friends rather late at night, you get stopped by
the police, they ask you what you are doing up this unearthly hour,
you say?
A. "I want to bite your neck!".
B: "Going home!, what does it look like, pig."
C: "Can I have a go of that, I've always wanted a police car!".
5. Sat in the motorway cafe, you light up a ciggy in the non-smoking
area, A person coughs rather loudly, do you.
A. Walk over to them and cough back at them.
B: Sit in the chair and blow smoke rings in the air.
C: Cough, and phlegm in the Coke can you are drinking.
6. Walking around Asda you find the whole experience rather boring,
what do you do to pep things up ?.
A. Find the Ariel Rapide, pull on off the shelf and do your best Elvis
Presley impression.
B: Go round to the fresh food counters and consume as much trial offers
as you can, before becoming violently sick!
C: Play bumper car with the trollies.
7. Attending an interview at the dole office, they ask you "Why haven't
you found a job". What do you reply?
A. "You try getting a job, it's hell out there".
B: Sit there giggling to yourself, as you taken the word "Job", meaning
the act done on a toilet.
C: "If you find a job, I'll eat my UB40."
8. Feeling a bit depressed, you cheer yourself up by.
A. Going to the pub and getting pissed.
B: Falling asleep, things are better in your dreams.
C: Going to town and buy some rubber insects.
9. You decide to listen to some music to cheer yourself up, do you
listen to.
A. Pink Floyd - The Wall
B: Fleetwood Mac - Rumours
C: Tangering Dream - Rubicon
10. Someone gives you a rubber chicken as a gift, what do you do with
it?
(No, it's not perverted).
A. Take it to the pub a few times, then the novelty dies.
B: Hang it from the ceiling in your room.
C: Put it in the place of your furry dice.
11. Sat in a mates house, he goes to the toilet. What do you do?
A. Go to the kitchen, get a knife, tomatoes sauce bottle and set up a
fake suicide.
B: Sit there making rude noises with your hand cupped over your armpit.
C: Wait patiently.
12. Having realized you've just written over some data with a load of
meaningless drivel, you decide to.
A. Sit there crying, hoping it was just a nightmare.
B: Beat yourself over the head, then walk around the streets trying to
find a excuse not to throw yourself off a bridge.
C: Stare at the screen, and hope you will be able to undo the mistake.
13. Whilst in Comet, you feel that the place need an injection of
madness, what do you do ?.
A. Ask the salesperson why you can't pick up BBC2 on the microwave.
B: Put a rubber chicken in the microwave and call the salesperson
over to ask for a demonstration.
C: Go to the Hi-fi's and find the Hi-fi which is playing and put a
piece of tape over the remote control sensor, whilst turning it up
and walking away.
14. You're confront a Jehovah's witness at your door, do you.
A. Say "God is an arsehole" and shut the door.
B: Listen to their views and buy a copy of the magazine they sell.
C: Have an in-depth conversation about the your atheist views saying
that "If God exists, who's his mother?".
15. Which is the most recurring dream you've have?
A. Walking around in the nude.
B: Nuclear devastation.
C: Flying.
16. What is your favor footwear.
A. Trainers.
B: Shoes.
C: Slippers.
17. What do you find the most repulsive?
A. Children with snotty noses.
B: A game swapping leech.
C: Rugby.
18. When looking in a mirror at yourself, what do you see?
A. Yourself.
B: Yourself, but wonder if the person on the other side is exactly the
same as you.
C: See what you think is yourself, but the closer you look, the more it
isn't.
SCORES.
1: A-1 B-2 C-3 2: A-1 B-3 C-2 3: A-1 B-2 C-3 4: A-3 B-1 C-2
5: A-2 B-1 C-3 6: A-3 B-2 C-1 7: A-1 B-3 C-2 8: A-1 B-3 C-2
9: A-2 B-1 C-3 10: A-1 B-3 C-2 11: A-3 B-2 C-1 12: A-2 B-3 C-1
13: A-1 B-3 C-2 14: A-1 B-2 C-3 15: A-1 B-3 C-2 16: A-1 B-3 C-2
17: A-2 B-1 C-3 18: A-1 B-2 C-3.
--------------------------------------
If you can't answer "D" to any questions, put a score of 0 for the
question.
RESULTS:
0 < 10. What are you doing on this planet. Everyone thinks you are so
boring you could invoke mass suicide. Ever thought of becoming
a stand in for Wogan!.
10 < 20. You are a real normal person. Your likely to have 2.25
children, have a mortgage and a nice car in the drive. The
only thing is, you're about as interesting as insurance
salespeople.
20 < 30. You have a little of the mad twinge now and again. But nothing
you can't control. You got a nice balance of the loony side of
your character and the normal side. Making you an interesting
person to know.
30 < 40. Ooh, now we are getting there. You can see the funny side to
everything which the world gives you. There is a fine line
which you sometimes forget and drift off into the mad side of
your personality, but you can come back when is needed. People
probably think of you as a little eccentric.
40 < 50. With your brain being as it is, you will find it hard to
understand normal people and their weird behavior and the
normals think the same way about you. You just don't really
care about anything, or mask it with a shield of madness to
hide the hurt life has dealt you. People think your a good
friend, once they actually get to know you. But you tend to
scare them away at times.
50 < 54. Mega Mad Phantom Status!, You're as loony as what I am. And
think nothing about getting a tin of pilchards shoving them
down your underpants, walk up to a person in the street and ask
them to hit you with a slimey dover sole, whilst singing "If I
had the only Pyrex dish in the world, and you were the only
lamp post". Gibble Gibble. Well, people just don't understand
you, you find it hard to concentrate on things as your mind
wonders off, to other things whilst your not looking. But you
can say you are very eccentric I suppose!
I hope that this has given you a laugh, and if you feel like writing
to me about any mental problems you think you having. How do you know
it's actually you inside that body! Just think, Manic Depression is
really weird!
... > ooo
... > c| |
... > __m_00_m__|_|__ Cheers, I C E-man
... > --spying with free beer at the wall for ALL.
--- EzyBlueWave V2.01b006 00F90257
* Origin: Afraid of the competition? We ARE the Competition! (3:633/104)
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