Text 4301, 117 rader
Skriven 2006-05-27 08:01:26 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
     Kommentar till en text av Nathan Prugh
Ärende: Re: Alabama Joke
========================
        Nathan Prugh was entering F unny stuff to  All  

 NP>                    ALABAMA MOM TO ALABAMA SON
   > Dear Son,

========================================================================
==                                                                    ==
== If you enjoy these please feel free to contact me and say hello. I ==
== can be reached at Sun via the Arpanet or the USENET. My email      ==
== addresses are:                                                     ==
==                                                                    ==
==           {ucbvax, decwrl, allegro}!sun!dbercel!toto               ==
==                                                                    ==
==                            or                                      ==
==                                                                    ==
==           dbercel@sun.com or dbercel@sun.arpa                      ==
========================================================================
                         Episode 2 - The Flamers

(The Infinity's scanners are showing the Flamer's ships approaching
fast.  Arnold Lint and Rod Perfect are frantically scurrying about.
Xaphod is trying to figure out how to fly the node, and Gillian is
fixing her makeup. Martin the android is off on a corner moping about
how he's too young to die.)

Dirk:       pray to the porcelain buddha.

Rod:        Sickening, isn't it.

Dirk:       Right, enough of this. Wait here and we'll start programming
            you for meaningful relationships.

(Xaphod bends over a nearby table and vomits, the 12" CRT on his
shoulder starts scrolling "Uuuggghhh")

Gillian:    What did you mean about "programming" us?

Dirk:       We'll have to make you compatible with the environment and
            take away all your inhibitions when discussing your personal
            life on the Net. You'll be subjected to countless sessions
            watching repeats of "The Dating Game", "The Newlywed Game",
            and "Celebrity Wife Swapping". And that's only Stage 1!

[The "Hitch Hikers Guide to the Net" points out that the three old earth
TV shows just mentioned were actually the basis for a huge
inter-conglomerate stock monopolizing scheme started by The Phone
Company.  The questions asked on these shows were actually coded
messages issued by The Phone Company to the conglomerates it was working
with. These messages told the associated conglomerates about which
stocks to buy based on information gained by The Phone Company by
listening in on the phones of important companies. The client
corporations paid The Phone Company 1 million dollars for each such
message.  The seemingly idiotic contestants were, more often than not,
government agents trying to break The Phone Company's code. Chuck
Barris, the originator of the shows, was later found to be a financial
genius, rivaled only by Howard Hughes.]

Rod:        We gotta get put of here!

Xaphod:     Yah.

Rod:        You know what really gets Singularans put off? Rudeness and
            crudeness!

Arnold Lint:What?

Rod:        Rudeness, if we act real crude and rude, they'll beg us to
            leave!

Xaphod:     Great, let's try it!

(Dirk returns with three gorgeous women and one well built female model
android.)

Rod:        (To the first girl) Wow, look at that pair!

Xaphod:     (To the second girl) That's a lovely grab!

Rod:        (To the third girl) OK love, drop 'em!

Martin:     (To the female android) I wave my private parts toward
            approximate vector coordinates.

Gillian:    (To Dirk) Say Dirk, if you get some Saran-Wrap and chicken
            wire, I'll get the honey and the plunger.

Dirk:       Get out of here you disgusting filthly maladjusted perverts!

(The three women and one android exit with great haste. The crew of the
Infinity is beamed back to their node.)

Dirk:       Good riddens. Put on the flip side of  "Feelings" and pass
            the cheese dip. It's their loss, for only we know what true
            meaningful relationships are. Only we know the feeling of
            wholeness that comes from showing, or not showing, what one
            feels, or doesn't feel, with someone special we care about.
            We aren't hung up on physical things, we are spiritualists.
            At least, that's what we tell everyone else.

Xaphod:     Right, now on to Netrothea, nothing can stop us now.

         ******************** End Of Part 2 ********************

Will the crew of the Infinity reach Netrothea, or will Nothing stop
them? For the answers to this, and other useless questions . . . Tune in
next time . . .  same Net-time . . . same Net-channel.



... >             ooo
... >            c| |
... >   __m_00_m__|_|__  Cheers, I C E-man

... >                     --spying with free beer at the wall for ALL.

--- EzyBlueWave V2.01b006 00F90257
 * Origin: Afraid of the competition? We ARE the Competition! (3:633/104)