Text 4442, 106 rader
Skriven 2006-06-13 21:35:14 av Greg Sears (1:153/7715.0)
     Kommentar till en text av Jesse James
Ärende: Story from OLD
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  Date: 24 Aug 99  19:51:37
  From: Jesse James

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                    A COLLECTION OF "FUNNY" QUICKIES....!!
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We had a great neighborhood watch going when I was a kid
...until she closed her curtains.

He's what every woman wants - strong, sensitive...battery operated!

There is no truth in the rumor that Roy Rogers's horse Trigger sued
him for palomino-mony.

A chap with a fetish walked into a sex shop and asked, "So how's the
leather been lately?"

The latest product on the market in the continuing war against white
ants - it's called 'Arson'.

Unfortunately, since I went on the wagon, the wagon went and got a
liquor licence.

Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?

Marriage - nature's way of stopping people fighting with strangers.

OK, so God made Heaven and Earth. But what has he done recently?

Graffiti: Dyslexics of the world - untie!

...He's a master of the English language. He's the only bloke I
know who can describe Pamela Anderson and Dolly Pardon without using his
hands!

I eat from the three major food groups: McDonald's, Hungry Jack's and
Pizza Hut.

Sure you can't take it with you. But you can stash it where no other
bastard can find it.

I can't wait to get really old - then I can actually pick my nose in
public.

My father never liked me. As a kid we'd play trains - he used to tie
me to the tracks!   ...And he to used to give me bath toys like electric
toasters and hair dryers.

When I was a teenager it took me a lot of time to work up the courage
to ask the chemist for a packet of condoms. Now it takes me even longer
to choose which color.

Women! First they marry you for your money....then they divorce you
for it!

I told her I'd take her on a ocean cruise - she said she'd rather a
Tom Cruise.

My wife says my sex drive has taken up walking.

I told my wife I want to die in bed.
She said, "You did last night - three times!"

He's just a bit kinky - only  went through nursing school so he could
wear white pantyhose.

We were having such a romantic afternoon making love in the back of
the Mercedes - then they kicked us out of the showroom.

I'm gradually getting my body back into shape - at least twice a week
I think about doing some exercise.

Loser? He's such a loser he says he was forced to have sex in a hotel
room against his will. Problem was he all alone.

My wife had a sex change...Now it's Wednesday's and Saturday's instead
of Tuesday's and Friday's.

You know when your losing you're figure when you come home and find
your husband wearing your bra and panties - and he looks better in them.

Ugly?  She's so ugly in the school play she played the hunchback of
Notre Dame...without makeup.

My mother-in-law told me exercise helps burn off the calories. I told
her a flamethrower would be quicker.

We have a self-cleaning refrigerator - she leaves stuff in there so
long, it eventually crawls out under it's own steam.

My psychiatrist says I'm manic-depressive - I have mixed feelings
about that.

Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mum's wise words -
"Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."

He was an unwanted child - his parents gave him plastic bags to play
with.

Enough is enough - unless of course you're a nymphomaniac!

 * SLMR 2.1a * Cheers, I C E-man

--- Maximus 3.01
 * Origin: The BandMaster, Vancouver, B.C., Canada (1:153/7715)