Text 4466, 286 rader
Skriven 2006-06-16 17:11:16 av Greg Sears (1:153/7715.0)
Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: Manners
===================
George Pope was entering F unny stuff to all
GP> "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused
> for a moment, I have to
> shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom
> I hope you'll get to meet after supper."
> The teacher fainted..
Once upon a time there was a governor called Slick Willy. He was very
slick indeed and had certain ideas on how to win an election. You
see, one of his heroes had taught him a seemingly infallible method.
Infallible method for winning elections
___
(1) Choose a `minority' (BUT do not define it too clearly).
(This step won't work with a majority.)
(2) Portray this minority as `the root of all evil'.
(Even if you know it isn't, lying is allowed on this step.)
(3) Then sit back while the `majority' votes you into power.
(Later you can treat the majority and minority alike.)
(4) Go to your bunker - Eva is waiting.
Of course, we all know who Slick Willy's hero is - the Fuhrer himself
- Adolf Hitler. Hitler chose as his minority the Jews. Slick Willy
has chosen the rich. From a historical standpoint, Slick Willy has
the winning edge here. He has chosen the proven road of the Marxists.
However, one must forgive Hitler and try to understand his
flexibility. Germany was left with nothing after WWI. Even Germans
of Jewish descent had no money. So he couldn't very well target the
rich now could he. Were he alive today, I'm sure the little guy would
endorse Slick Willy's procedure. After, all they are both agents of
change, and admit that character is a non-issue.
Hitler efficiently, and with little effort, eradicated 6 million of
the `minority') and went on to sucessfully lose the war. Slick Willy
already has his liberal gestapos in the field getting ready for the
moment he is elected. Just wait for the day some gutless unwashed
homo with a pink Slick Willy arm band says to you "How dare you have a
job, a family, and a home. How dare you be happy? What kind of an
American are you?" Or "Exactly how long HAVE you been selling Kool-Aid
on this corner little boy? May I see your W2 form?" Slick Willy has
been up late checking out all of the possible definitions and
interpretations of the word "RICH" - it means "Just about everybody!".
>OBJoke: for our Moderator and all-round friend/servant
Why The Jokes?
___-----------
If movies such as "The Producers" by Mel Brooks (featuring the song
"Springtime for Hitler and Germany") and The Great Dictator (starring
Charlie Chaplin) had of been shown in the theaters before Hitler's
rise, there would have been NO HITLER. Put another way, Hitler was a
funny little jerk until a naive majority empowered him to kill 6
million of the minority. It is for that reason that I have
unselfishly given of my valuable time to create the following comedic
`gems'. If these jokes make you see Slick Willy for the incredible
buffoon that he is, and thus vote against him, I will feel amply
rewarded.
********** Here they come, Bon Appetit!!!!! **********
1) It's not common knowledge that Slick Willie tried to get into the
Army as an 8F - in case of an enemy invasion, he'd be sent overseas!
2) Slick Willy is for higher learning. He wants to subsidize
'training bras'.
3) I don't want to say that Willy is Slick, but he convinced Mario
Cuomo that capital punishment is acceptable ONLY if it's not too
severe.
4) Hillary has always been spouting off at the mouth. Until she was 6
months old, her parents were diapering the wrong end!
5) When Slick Willy was a baby, he bawled all night. Now only the
spelling has been changed.
6) One night, when Slick Willy was in bed with Jennifer Flowers, he
heard the front door open. Jennifer quickly said "That must be my
husband, ... go faster .... I'm coming ... I'm coming" Slick Willy
quickly added "Kiss my ass, I'm going ... I'm going"
7) The polls show that Slick Willy might be president. I don't want
to say it could be a rough economy but I just saw a squirrel bury 4
acorns and a can of sterno.
8) Hillary found Slick Willy in bed with another woman and angrily
asked "What the hell are you doing?". Slick Willy looked at her with
disgust, then looked down at his bimbo and said "Didn't I tell you she
was stupid?"
9) Hillary comes home one day to find Slick Willy in bed with a
midget. Her face becomes contorted (more than it usually is) when she
screams "You promised you'd never cheat on me again." Slick Willy
innocently looks up at her and replies "Can't you see I'm trying to
taper off".
10) Hillary confides to Tipper that Slick Willy has cut her down to
sex two times a month. Tipper says to her "Don't feel too bad, I know
a girl he cut out completely."
11) In sizing up the global economy, Slick Willy said, "There's
nothing more expensive than a girl who's free for the evening."
12) Slick Willy is so politically correct his favorite color is plaid!
13) Slick Willy was speaking in front of a group of small business
owners and says "Remember, we were put on this earth to help OTHERS",
to which one of the owners replies, "And what were the OTHERS put here
for?"
14) Slick Willy is like an unemployed schoolteacher? No class and no
priciples!
15) In his high school year book, Slick Willy was chosen as the "Boy
Most Likely To"
16) Slick Willy must be with the secret service...he's always
undercover"
17) What's the difference between a dead dog in the middle of the road
and a dead liberal? There are skid marks in front of the dead
dog.....
18) What did Slick Willy whisper to Jennifer Flowers concerning the
Martin Luther King holiday? "Shoot four more and we'll take the whole
week off"
19) You know what happened when Slick Willy went swimming in the ocean
- OIL SLICK!!!
20) Why is the democratic party like granola? Cause once you get
passed all the fruits and the nuts, all you have left is the flakes!
21) Slick Willy stopped calling Hillary "the little woman" once she
started calling him "the big mistake".
22) Slick Willy takes Hillary out every night...but she keeps coming
back.
23) Slick Willy is a guy who'd like to do all the things Hillary
thinks he does.
24) Slick Willy's not a 'yes-man'. When Hillary says "no", he says
"no".
25) When Slick Willy married Hillary, he lost his liberty in pursuit
of happiness.
26) They say "It's a privileged to be able to pay taxes". If Slick
Willy becomes president, I will have to give up the privilege.
27) I built a business so that my children would someday take it over.
However, if Slick Willy is elected, the government will certainly
beat my children to it.
28) Slick Willy will finally put poverty within our reach!
29) "Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today". After all,
Slick Willy will have a tax on it by then.
30) Slick Willy just invented a new drink called the `tax cocktail'.
After an extramarital partner drinks two of them, she withholds
nothing...
31) Slick Willy plans to lick inflation. According to Jennifer
Flowers, it's the only thing left for him to lick.
32) Slick Willy is the flower of manhood - he's a blooming idiot!
33) I wouldn't say that Hillary is rotten, but you get the feeling Eva
Braun didn't die in that bunker.
34) They once caught Slick Willy skinny dipping in the pool - the
secretarial pool that is....
35) If Slick Willy becomes president, `going-out-of-business' stores
will!
36) A very concerned Slick Willy once said to his girl friend's
obstetrician "Tell me the truth doctor, how long do I have to leave
town?'
37) Slick Willy once got beaten up for kissing the bride. It was
three years after the ceremony.
38) Slick Willy once told Al Bore "I'll sleep with rich or poor girls
anywhere and anytime". Al asks "What's the difference?" Slick Willy
says "Well, those that are poor, I help out".
39) Slick Willy called an electrician to do some home repairs and
found out that he charged $85 per hour. Slick Willy said "Eighty-five
dollars an hour? I never made that much even when I was governor" The
electrician replied "Neither did I when YOU were governor....!!
40) With Mario Cuomo's legislative record on abortion, when he goes to
confession, he brings his lawyer! (I know. These are supposed to be
Slick Willy jokes... I'm sorry ... my mind wandered ...)
41) If George Bush were to say "Listen, America. Opportunity is
knocking", Slick Willy would complain about the noise.
42) Slick Willy has invented a new antiperspirant - unemployment!!
43) When Slick Willy was asked how he felt about lesbians, he said "I
don't know, I've never been to Beirut."
44) You can always tell when Slick Willy is lying....his lips are
moving.
45) Slick Willy once remarked incredulously "If George Washington
never told a lie, HOW did he become president?"
46) When Slick Willy becomes president, he'll make us all `tap dancers
in the canoe of life'.
47) Teddy's new boat was bright blue
Had a date with a maiden he knew
The coroner found
The poor girl had drowned
Kissing Ted in his leaky canoe!! (oops,my mind wandered again!)
48) Unhappy at the state of little Slick Willy's room, his mother came
up with a new rule: Every time she picked something up, he would have
to pay her a dime. At the end of the first week she added up the
chores and asked Slick Willy for ninety cents. He paid her and said
"Thanks Ma .... Keep up the good work...."
49) Slick Willy promises UNEMPLOYMENT OFFICES WITH VALET PARKING.
50) Don't let anybody kid you. Slick Willy's been in love with the
same woman for years. But if Hillary ever finds out, she'll kill
him...
51) Slick Willy always has said "It is better to have loved and
lost.... much better......"
52) Slick Willy and Hillary were `riding the hobbyhorse' one night and
both noticed there was a lack of mutual enthusiasm. After a while
Slick Willy said "What's the matter Hillary ... can't you think of
anybody either?"
53) A family in Slick Willy's Arkansas finally found out why they had
trouble keeping up with the Joneses - the Joneses were on welfare.
54) After Slick Willy becomes president they'll be a lot of things
your money can't buy - like what your money bought a week ago.
55) Slick Willy said to a group of businessmen, "When I was a kid, I
wanted to be a pirate." They cheered in unison "Congratulations!"
56) Slick Willy's got property in Atlantic City. A motel still has
one of his bags.
57) A prostitute met ninety-year-old Slick Willy at a bar. In usual
form, he asked her if she wanted to have some fun. She said "Oh come
on, you've had it." He replied "Ok, how much do I owe you?"
58) Slick Willy, in defending his foreign policies, says "I know how
to handle the Arabs". A reporter asks "What would you do with the
Bedouins?". Slick Willy replies "The Bedouins we oppose .... the
Goodouins we support."
59) Slick Willy wanted Hillary in his arms, but instead, found her on
his hands.
60) The psychiatrist waited until His Royal Slickness was comfortable
on the couch, then said "Why don't you start at the beginning..."
Slick Willyy said "OK. In the beginning, I created the heavens and
the earth....."
Cheers,
. o _ _ _ From the
. _o /\_ _ \o (@)\__/o (@) I C E-man
. _< \_ _>(@) (@)/<_ \_| \ _|/' \/
.(@)>(@) (@) (@) (@) (@)' _\o_ OUCH!
... XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX i DRiNK to make O+hE+ peoplE iNteReStiUG. XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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* Origin: The BandMaster, Vancouver, B.C., Canada (1:153/7715)
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