Text 4552, 88 rader
Skriven 2006-07-06 16:24:00 av Greg Sears
     Kommentar till en text av Brendon Thompson
Ärende: George's Jokers.........
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  Date: 27 Aug 99  04:10:00
  From: PATRICK LONG

A parody on a normal port brief for the Navy.  Be advised that there
are some terms not necessarily suitable for younger folk.  8)
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                FOR (UN)OFFICIAL USE ONLY
                     Virginia, Norfolk

1. Background Information.
    Norfolk (Naah-fuk) is one if the cities in the area of Virginia
known as Hampton Roads, or Tidewater.  This area is home to more than
20% of the entire United States Navy who, along with dogs, are expected
to stay off the grass.  English is the common language, and is spoken
everywhere except in the 7-Eleven stores.
    Norfolk's history dates back to the early 17th century, when
STGSN Long and Captain John Smith sailed up the Elizabeth River to
found Jamestown.
    The Tidewater area boasts many varied and interesting things to
do. Go to the beach and don't play volleyball; witness a crime in Ocean
View; visit the stunning Elizabeth River's famous southern branch,
which has been noted as the third most polluted river in the United
States.
    Other cities in the Tidewater area include Hampton, Virginia
Beach, Chesapeake, and Portsmouth.
    Virginia Beach is a city named after a waterfront area where
you can't frisbees.  They made a monument from a pile of garbage.
    Hampton is too far, Chesapeake is too expensive, and Portsmouth
is a dump.
    The Tidewater area has, among its inhabitants, beings known as
"wives" (rhymes with lives).  Many of these wonderful creatures can be
located along the pier as the ship pulls in.  Still others can be found
at local nightclubs shortly after battle groups depart the area.  The
term comes from the Latin "Wypussis" or "wet spot".
    The unit of currency is the U.S. dollar, which has a monetary
value of approximately 38 cents.  Be sure to wear your uniform on
liberty here; chicks dig it, and your money's no good!

2. Clubs and Bars.
    Especially busy following the departures of naval ships,
Norfolk boasts a lively nightlife.

3. Restaurants.
    Local cuisine includes fish and chicken.

4. Hotels.
    Government vehicles are _not_ recommended.

5. Athletics.
    Fighting traffic is big sport in the community, and the
opportunity for dodging bullets is available in certain parts of town.

6. Beaches.
    Don't throw frisbees, consume beverages (of any kind), or
change clothes in public restrooms.  Just have fun.

7. Churches.
    All denominations are practiced, from Baptist to Budweiser.

8. Transportation.
    Transportation is available on a large scale, particularly
along Little Creek Road or Military Highway.  Financing is available
for E-1 and up.
    Traffic moves on the right in Norfolk, except between the hours
of 0600 and 0800, 1500 and 1800, when it doesn't move at all.
    Taxi and bus service is available.

9. Tours.
    Sea tours are available, contact your detailer for more
information.

10. Shopping.
    The best buys, by city, are considered to be as follows:
    Norfolk - uniform items, gasoline at "Dodge's Store".
    Virginia Beach - Concert tickets.
    Hampton - Bus ticket anywhere.
    Portsmouth - Bail.

11. Miscellaneous information.
    Drug use/sales are serious offenses in Norfolk.  There is no
Status of Forces Agreement.  Certain women in the red light district
have Adam's Apples.

 * SLMR 2.1a * Cheers, I C E-man

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