Text 4592, 175 rader
Skriven 2006-07-22 13:29:00 av Greg Sears
Ärende: F unny
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    SCRUPLES - HAVE YOU GOT THEM?


Confused by life?  Wondering where you fit and whether you're doing the
right thing most of the time?  Join the club, you're normal.  Making
moral decisions is like having sex.  You tend to assume that everyone
else does it perfectly and you're the only jerk alive who can't get it
spot on every time.

Well, we'll leave your sex life out of it for the moment and deal with
the morals.  My carefully thrown together quiz below will help you get a
realistic idea of the kind of decision maker you are.  Are you a rash
hot head or have you got a touch of SCRUPLES!

QUESTION 1:
How do you know you've got Scruples?

a) It hurts when you move your bowels and there is blood on the bog
   roll.
b) Your accountant rings you and advises you to sell them.
c) You feel guilty about the rain forest every time you go out for a
   burger.


QUESTION 2:
Helen Keller drops by for the weekend as she is walking up the drive to
your house you notice a roller skate left lying about by your kid.  What
do you do?

a) Get the video camera so you savior the moment for years.
b) Try to figure out whether her money is in her pocket or bag so you
   can predict where it will fall.
c) Shift the skate and then feel guilty about having to push past
   her to get it.


QUESTION 3:
On your way from the chip shop you see your headmaster/boss in his car
performing an obscene act with someone clearly hired for this purpose.
Do you?

a) Remind yourself that you lost your eyesight that way and head home.
b) Knock on the window and demand that you have a go or you'll split on
   him.
c) Sprint past trying not to get seen and slap an "AIDS" poster up at
   work to "HELP" him.


QUESTION 4:
You're down to your last Rolo when you see a lady with a young child at
a bus stop in the rain.  The child is crying and there is no bus in
sight.  Do you?

a) Munch the Rolo in the safe knowledge that they wont except anything
   edible from someone who has not washed in five years.
b) Figure out how much money they're carrying and calculate a good price
   for the Rolo.
c) Give the kid the sweet and then feel bad about the kids teeth before
   finally salving your conscience with a letter to the council
   complaining about the bus services.


QUESTION 5:
Your big sister comes home crying and announces that her marriage is
over because her husband has run off with a 15 year old school girl.  Do
you?

a) Imagine her husband and his girl in action and retire to bed with
   tissues.
b) Make a mental list of their furniture and figure out how much
   you should offer it to allow a good mark up on resale.
c) Offer her your room for the night and blame yourself for all the
   times you encouraged her to get married.

QUESTION 6:
A lorry sheds its load of lemonade outside your house.  Do you?

a) Go out without a shirt on to collect the bottles knowing that when
   people see the boils on your back they'll never come near the
   lemonade.
b) Check the driver is unconscious before nicking his money and the
   tyres.
c) Write to the lemonade firm outlining in great detail how the road
   around your house is dangerous and the driver wasn't to blame.
   Before nipping to your neighbors for a glass of lemonade and feeling
   guilty.


QUESTION 7:
What is a sanitary towel?

a) A good laugh when you strap it on as a sweatband at the disco.
b) A safe investment share wise because demand is constant.
c) The one toilet article that you cant get in a recycled form.


QUESTION 8:
How did you feel when Nelson Mandela was released?

a) Knackered because it happened on a Sunday and you don't get up till
   four on that day.
b) Nelson who?
c) Happy for the Black South Africans but secretly pissed-off because
   half of your T-Shirts were instantly out of date.


QUESTION 9:
You are making love with someone very special in front of a blazing log
fire when a group of Jehovas Witnesses knock on the door.  Do you?

a) Quickly finish abusing yourself before inviting them in to look at
   your phlegm collection.
b) Tell them that if they have to knock could they at least get in time
   with what you are doing.
c) Invite then in for a nice fireside chat then almost die of
   embarrassment when one of them steps on the rug and it squelches.


QUESTION 10:
At a party your best friend dumps their boy/girlfriend.  The dumped
partner comes to you in a distressed state and clearly wants to lean on
you for support.  Do you?

a) Agree to talk on the condition that you go to the station because the
   mail train will be through in an hour and you want to log the
   carriage numbers in your note book.
b) Tell them your prepared to be kind and affectionate before taking
   them upstairs for a good quality shagging.
c) Try to ignore the enjoyment you're getting as they press against you
   and talk to them all night.



 H O W   D I D   Y O U   S C O R E ?


           M O S T L Y   A

Well you don't have Scruples.  Then again you've got just about every
other disgusting physical and mental condition known to man, and
probably a few yet to be discovered.  The closest you've ever been to
honest feelings of guilt is when your parents told you how they really
felt about spawning you.


           M O S T L Y   B

Well call you Axis because the world clearly revolves around you.  You
understand Scruples well enough because you rely on them to hold up
other people whilst you rush into a situation to grab what you can for
yourself.  You're getting a smug grin just reading this so just to
remind you that you are not perfect Id like to ask you a question; how
much money making time do you think you've used just reading this quiz?


           M O S T L Y   C

Scruples, you've got em alright.  If you ever feel really bad about
anything you can count that as progress in comparison to your present
state. Your concern for others and your willingness to consider all
aspects of a problem have got you were you are today.  Think about the
next time somebody craps on you.  By my reckoning, that should be in
about five minutes time.

    .------------.
   / I C E-van|[0]\
   |  _       |_ice\ Cheers,
~ ~=-(@)------(@)-=/ I C E-man
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