Text 4618, 245 rader
Skriven 2006-08-26 16:41:26 av George Pope (1:153/715.1275)
     Kommentar till en text av Greg Sears
Ärende: Stories              7/21
=================================
On (26 Aug 06) Greg Sears wrote to All...
 GS>  1. On a standard traffic light, is the green on the top or bottom?

Yes it is.

 GS>  2. How many states are there? (don't laugh, some people don't know)

Including or not including the states of Insanity & Insomnia?

 GS>  3. In which hand is the Statue of Liberty's torch?

The one she's holding up.

 GS>  4. What 6 colors are on the classic Campbell's soup label?

Who cares?  There's only red & white now -- why live in the past?

 GS>  5. What 2 letters don't appear on the telephone dial? (no cheating!)

I don't think they make dials any more for phones, and even when they
did, the letters were on the phone itself, not on the dial part!
(you're probably referring to how Q & another weren't on some older
phones, but every phone I have has all 26 letters!

Better to ask which numbers don't have letters with y hem, which is "1"
for sure, and "0" only if you don't count the letters in the word
"operator"

 GS>  6. What 2 #s don't have letters by them?   (on the telephone)

Oh, okay,see above.

 GS>  7. When you walk does your left arm swing with your right or left
 GS> leg?

It's kind of up to me, don't you think?  I mix it up -- actually, the
left arm doesn't swing at all (it's dead.)

 GS>  8. How many matches are in a standard pack?

A standard 20-pack has 20, but I buy mine in standard 100-packs!

 GS>  9. On the US flag, is the top stripe red or white?

Fuck 'em, who cares?

 GS>  10. What is the lowest # on the FM dial?

There's a 0 on it somewhere, and a 1, but if you want to know the lowest
station, that's another question altogether!

 GS>  11. Which way does water go down the drain, counter - or clockwise?

North or south of the equator?

 GS>  12. Which way does a "no smoking" sign's slash run?

Top to bottom.

 GS>  13. How many channels on a VHF TV dial?

No channels, just numbers corresponding to channels 2 through 13, thus
12.

 GS>  14. Which side of a woman's blouse are the buttons on?

The other side from men's. . .

 GS>  15. On an New York license plate, is New York on the top or bottom?

If you're driving in New York, then NY is definitely below the plate!

 GS>  16. Which way do fans rotate?

the way the blades are facing.

 GS>  17. Whose face is on a US dime?

Some dead(thus irrellevant) president.

 GS>  18. How many sides does a stop sign have?

10 in all English-speaking countries

 GS>  19. Do books have even # pages on the right or left side?

Kind of depends which side you're on and which way the book is facing,
don't it?

 GS>  20. How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel?

The standard number, corresponding to the bolts sticking out.

Considering I've never changed a tire(that's why there are other people,
like chauffeurs, mechanics, etc.!) I wouldn't know.

 GS>  21. How many sides are there on a standard pencil?

7, in all English-speaking countries.

 GS>  22. Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc. Who's missing?

Snow White, cuz she's  getting fucked by the other dwarf up in the loft!

 GS>  23. How many hot dog buns are in a standard package?

A standard package of 8 or a standard package of 12?

 GS>  25. On which card is the cardmaker's trademark?

Some brands it's on evvery card(on the backs); if you meant only on the
front, you should've said so, then I'd say ace of spades. . .

 GS>  26. On which side of a venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the
 GS>      opening between the slats?

Which brand?

 GS>  27. On the back of a US $1, what is in the center?

Green linen-paper

 GS>  28. There are 12 buttons on a touch tone phone. What 2 symbols bear
 GS>      no digits?

Gee, who doesn't know about * # ?

 GS>  29. How many curves are in a standard paper clip?

Depends how/where you define/limit the term "curves" to.

 GS>  30. Does a merry-go-round turn counter- or clockwise?

I have a digital clock.

Another quiz:

                 The Biblical Scholarship Aptitude Test.

     As biblically oriented universities continue to offer an alternative
     to secular liberal arts colleges, it's just common sense that an
     appropriate standard by which to measure a student's aptitude would
     develop.  So get those number two pencils ready-- it's time to take
     the Biblical Scholarship Aptitude Test.

I. Biblical Math
     1. Nehemiah 7:12 - Nahum 4:3 = ?
          a) Micah 3:9
          b) Obadiah 6:69
          c) Isaiah 66:9
          d) Numbers 11:15

     2. To feed 5,000 people sitting in companies of 50, Jesus used two
        fish and five loaves of bread; in the end 12 baskets of broken
        bread were left over.  What is the smallest crowd that Jesus could
        feed and leave no leftovers?
          a) 7,000, using three fish and five loaves
          b) 10,000, using three fish and 15 loaves
          c) 144,000, using eight fish and 40 loaves
          d) 144,000, using the 12 baskets previously left over

     3. Complete the sequence: 1 Samuel, 2 Samuel, 1 Kings, 2 Kings,
          1 Chronicles, ___________________

II. Economics

     1. In what book of the New Testament is the Beatrice Corporation
        explained?     The Old Testament?

     2. The European Economic Community (The Common Market) has been one
        of the economic building blocks of the postwar world.  It is also
        reminiscent of:
          a) The Whore of Babylon
          b) The Beast
          c) Jacob's Ladder

     3. In today's economy, which would be worth more, five golden tumors
        or five golden mice?
          a) Five golden tumors
          b) five golden mice
          c) Their value would vary with the local market
          d) It is irrelevant, as the modern demand for both tumors and
             mice made of precious metals is virtually nil.

III. Science

     1. God:Sun
          a) Creator:Creation
          b) Good:Soon
          c) Godot:Sunoco

     2. In today's terminology, we would call Demonic Possession:
          a) A high-temperature superconductor
          b) A hostile takeover
          c) A labor saving device

     3. The difference between Creationism and Evolution is:
          a) Evolution has no tax-deductible fund, and does not accept
             postdated checks
          b) Creationism can be called a theory, because somebody believes
             it, whereas Evolution cannot be called a religion because
             nobody will picket for it.
          c) Evolution can only be called a science in that it doesn't
             have a high enough Nielsen rating to be called a religion.

IV. Special Relations (Mandatory for teleclerical courses of study)

    Maneuver a camel through an eye of a needle.  Show your work.

V. Essay

   Which is more important, life after death, or life before birth?
   Explain.

==========================================================================

             The Seven Deadly sins in the Modern World

      Times are changing, and things are not as they once were.

                         The Old  |  The New
                         ---------------------
                                  |
                         Pride    |  Self Esteem
                         Anger    |  Assertiveness
                         Envy     |  Appreciation
                         Greed    |  Enterprise
                         Lust     |  Libido
                         Gluttony |  Appetite
                         Sloth    |  Stress Management



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