Text 473, 126 rader
Skriven 2004-10-22 03:56:56 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: Blonde one
======================
 Echo: Funny
 Date: 21-Oct-2004 13:37
 Subj: Re: Blonde one
 George Pope replied IN a Message to GREG SEARS 

 GP> Sometimes the RENTER has to be tough, too!
   > The Truth and Nothing But the Truth

 G-day  George Pope,  She's wearing a .38

  One night when Dave dropped in at the police station on a news beat,
a large, efficient-looking woman in uniform who packed a service revolver
at her waist was behind the sergeant's desk.  After checking the blotter,
Dave returned to the car, where his wife was waiting for him.

  "You should see the new woman on the force," Dave said. "She's enormous,
she's wearing a .38."

  He didn't notice the silence until his wife broke it icily with: "I wear
a 38."

> OBJoke: for our Moderator and all-round friend/servant

Cruisin' In The Lincoln

My dad has always kept his cars absurdly clean.  On the rare occasion
that he would let me drive one of them, I would have to endure a 30-
minute lecture.  One night I talked my father into letting me borrow his
Lincoln for a date.  It provided plenty of room for my girlfriend and I
to fool around, but we were very careful not to make a mess.

The next morning the family packed into the Lincoln and went to church.
During the drive my Dad mentioned how clean I'd kept the car.  Soon a
light rain began to fall.  We sat in the church parking lot waiting for
it to let up because my mother didn't want to get her hair wet.

Then the windows fogged up and, to my horror, my date's very distinct
footprints appeared on the windshield.  You could even see the toes.
Evidently she had placed her bare feet on it for leverage.  My mom
gasped; my dad scowled.

I prayed a lot that day.


> OBJoke: for Mr. <+]::-{(} ("Cyberpope")

"Hello.  This is 911, do you have an emergency?"

"OHHH SH#T.  IS THIS 911?  UHHH, I NEED YA TO SEND AN AMBULANCE TO MY
HOUSE RIGHT AWAY!!!"

"What is the nature of your emergency, sir?"

"I'M SHOT IN THE #$%@ LEG, THAT'S WHAT!  NOW SEND THE #$%@ AMBULANCE
BEFORE I BLEED TO DEATH!!!"

"Did someone shoot you?" asked the 911 operator.

"OH HELL NO.  I WAS JUST CLEANING MY GUN AND THE DAMN THING WENT OFF!!!"
____________________________________________________________________
That's how this story started.  A man I'll call Johnny had a bullet in
his leg and was scared to death he would die from a self-inflicted
gunshot wound.  Fortunately for him, the bullet missed the Femoral artery
that runs down the leg.  The EMT's delivered him to the nearest hospital
in time for the ER doctor to remove the slug from the outside of his
right thigh and suture up the bullet hole.

Of course anytime a person is admitted to the ER with a gunshot wound,
the hospital staff automatically call the police.  And I mean
automatically.  It doesn't matter if the victim says it was self-
inflicted, the police always investigate a gunshot wound.  I imagine that
the physician writes a preliminary report based on what he sees in the
ER, and then gives that report to the police detective, who then follows
up by interviewing the victim.  It probably went a little something like
this.

"Good afternoon sir.  How are you feeling?" asked the police detective.

"Well, not too bad I guess.  It still hurts a lot, but the Doc gave me
some good painkillers to ease the throbbin' in my leg."

"Sir, do you recall the events surrounding your injury today?"

Johnny looked at the detective as if he was asking a stupid question.
"Yeah, I remember.  I was in the basement cleaning my gun, and all of a
sudden it just went off and hit me in the leg," replied Johnny.

"Well Sir, I spoke with the attending physician before I came in here,
and based on the location of the wound on your right thigh and the
downward trajectory of the bullet that was imbedded in your quadriceps,
he finds it hard to believe that you were cleaning your gun at the time
of the accident. And frankly, so do I," stated the cop matter of factly.

"Would you like to tell me what really happened today?" the police
officer asked.

There was a long moment of silence from Johnny as his eyes searched the
room for a better explanation.  Then finally he sheepishly admitted, "Ah
#$%@.  I guess you're gunna find out sooner or later.  I wasn't cleaning
my damn gun. I was out in the backyard.  My kids built a snowman the
other day, and, uh, well."

"Go Ahead!  Spit it out," demanded the detective.

"Uhhhh.  I was practicing my quick draw on the snowman.  The dang gun got
stuck in my holster as I was about to pull the trigger."  Johnny dropped
his eyes to the floor in shame.  "That's how I really got shot in the
leg."

Let this be a lesson to you would-be cowboys.  It's not as easy as it
looks in the Clint Eastwood spaghetti westerns.  (How much you wanna bet
Johnny put a cowboy hat on the snowman to make it look like a badguy?)

Based on a real news story from Kentucky.


         ,-.___,-.
 Cheers  \_/_ _\_/
  from     )O_O(
   the    { (_) }
 I C E-man `-^-' DILLIGAFF

... George. . . If it has TITS or TIRES, you gonna have trouble with it!

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