Text 4735, 162 rader
Skriven 2006-12-06 19:50:00 av Greg Sears
Ärende: bofh
============
The Bastard Operator from Hell #7

   So I manage AT LONG LAST, to get a couple of hours off for lunch,
   AND, because I can't leave my desk unattended, I get the janitor in
   and have him sit in my chair.  I tell him that all he has to do is
   make sure the receiver doesn't accidentally get put back on the
   hook. He agrees and I'm off.

    First  stop,  the bank.   I change a $50 note into coins and then
   ask to see a balance of my account.  Then I yank the power lead out
   of the teller's vdu. It dies.  I say I'm in a hurry and is the
   manager around?

   He rolls over like a man-sized twinkie and asks what the problem
   is.  I say that all I want is a balance of my accounts.  I cross my
   fingers.  YES! He finds the vdu lead out, plugs it in, and logs in,
   TO THE MANAGER'S ACCOUNT. Now's my chance - I slip up against the
   counter, slopping 200 coins across the counter.  The manager
   ignores it, but all the tellers dive for the money.  I watch,
   unobserved, as the manager types in his password at the breakneck
   speed of one character a minute.  At that rate I should've got $100
   worth.... He finishes typing.   "MONEY".  What a toughy!  Well,
   that's my mortgage taken care of tonight...

   A user that I recognise from "D(eletion)-Day '89" approaches.  I
   think he's going to talk to me!!  Even the bank manager is shaking
   his head furiously. But it's too late, he stops.

   "Um, excuse me, Could you tell me what is the best computer to buy
   to do my thesis on?"

   ?!

   Right.

   "You've heard of Commodore 64's?" I ask

   "Yes?.."

   "Avoid them like the plague!  Not many people know this, but
   computers aren't made to handle that much memory - it's over 64,000
   things, more in some cases. It's a recipe for disaster!"

   "Oh!"

   "Try something safe and proven.  A ZX81 with dual cassette drive if
   you can get it.  The 1K ram model.  Write that down.  Don't buy a
   disk drive - You know how they're always failing, but music
   cassettes last forever!"

   "Hey thanks!"

   "No worries.  What was your username again?"

   He tells me.  Just in time for D-Day 92.  You'd think they'd learn.

   I get back to work and the janitor's asleep at the terminal.  I ask
   him if he wants to work here too, but he likes the ability to bust
   in on people when they're in the toilet...

   I put the phone back on the hook, and straight away it rings.  I
   hate it when it does that, it takes me AGES to get my walkman
   phones in.

   It's the hottest hosemonster I've ever met, and she's got a
   computer problem! I love it when that happens!

   "What's your username?" I ask

   She tells me (as if I didn't know)

   Quick as I can I read all her e-mail (mostly boring stuff), then
   grep everyone else's mail files for her username.  Nothing.
   Excellent!

   "What's the problem?" I ask, all smiles and charm.

   "I can't save my documents, it says something about space."

   "Not a problem for long" I say, and delete everyone else on the
   same disk as her.  "You should be fine now.."

   "Thank you so much" she gushes.   I make a mental note to do
   something to her account again tomorrow. "No worries."

   The phone rings almost before I've got it on the hook.

   "My files are all gone!" a voice whines out at me.

   "When did this happen?" I ask.

   "Just now..." he says, through the tears

   "I see.  Well, I wouldn't worry, there's three days till the end of
   the semester, if you work day and night until then, you should get
   at least a C-"

   He sobs a couple more times then hangs up.  What a wimp.

   THE PHONE RINGS AGAIN!

   "The screen on my PC is really dim" The woman at the other end says
    "Should I wind the brightness knob up?"

   "NO!" I scream  "Don't touch that knob!  Have you any idea of the
   radiation that comes out of that thing when the knob gets wound
   up?!!!!"

   "Well I..." she says, all uncertain

   "TAKE MY ADVICE!"  I say "There's only ONE way to fix a dim
   display, and that's by power surging the drivers"

   The words "power surging" and "drivers" have got her.  People hear
   words like that and go into Dummy Mode and do ANYTHING you say.  I
   could tell her to run naked across campus with a powercord rammed
   up her backside and she'd probably do it...  Hmmm...

   "Have you got a spare power cord?"

   "No.."

   "Oh well, never mind, we'll have to do the power surge idea...  Ok,
   quick as you can, I want you to flick the power switch of your PC
   on and off 30 times"

   "Should I take my disks out?"

   "NO!  Do you want to lose all your data!?!"

   "Oh!  NO!  Ok.."

   I listen carefully.. ..

   ...clicky..clikcy...clikky.. .. .. ...clicky.     ...cliccy..  . .
   BOOM!

   Amazing, it probably made it to 27 - the power supply usually shits
   itself at 15 or so...

   "MY COMPUTER BLEW UP!!!" she screams at me down the line

   "Really?  Must've been a dodgy power supply!  Lucky we found out
   now!  Is your machine still under warranty?"

   "NO!"

   "Dear oh dear.  Well, Best get it repaired then.  Did you backup
   your files?"

   "Yes, to the system, Yesterday, but all this morning's work is
   gone!"

   "Oh dear.  What was your username, I'll just check that your
   backups worked ok?"

   She tells me....

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