Text 4885, 127 rader
Skriven 2007-08-14 03:20:00 av George Pope (326.funny)
     Kommentar till en text av ROSS SAUER (324.funny)
Ärende: Medical humor
=====================
RS> 8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed
RS> when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment, I had
RS> unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon
RS> whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further
RS> embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry.
RS> Was I tickling you?" She replie d, "No doctor, but the song you were
RS> whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."
RS> Doctor wouldn't submit his name (Can't blame him!)

Nowadays, though, the woman would've had the doctor up on sexual harrassment
charges, he would've lost his job; his wife would've lost her primary source of
income (besides reselling the dispensary drugs he brought home!) and committed
suicide. . .

  The following are excerpts from various American medical
  journals. These are a little sick, but they are all true.


INNER SKELETON

A 63 year old widow was admitted to hospital in Receive, Brazil,
suffering abdominal pains. X-rays showed that she was carrying
a 20 inch long skeleton of a fetus which she conceived a decade
earlier. It had become lodged outside the womb and was never
expelled from her body.

FEMALE SOFA

A 500 lb. woman from Illinois was examined in a hospital.
During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her
armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts, and a remote
control was found lodged between the folds of her vulva.

OUCH!

A couple hobbled into a Washington emergency room covered in
bloody restaurant towels. The man had his around his waist, and
the woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained to
doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic
dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table
to administer oral sex to the man. While in the act, she had an
epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the man's member
and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation, the
man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let go.

BABY CHICKEN

A 50 year old woman was brought into a New York emergency room
complaining of abdominal pains.  During an examination, doctors
found that the woman's labia were pinned together with old safety
pins. Further inside, they found the dismembered body of a
chicken. The woman explained that she inserted the chicken
pieces, convinced that they would grow into a baby.

SEX EDUCATION

A Californian doctor examining a young woman with abdominal pains
asked her if she was sexually active. She said that she wasn't.
A later examination showed that she was pregnant. Asked why she
said that she was not sexually active, the woman replied -I'm
not, I just lie there. When asked if she knew who the father
was, with a puzzled look she replied -No. Who?-

BLIND DRUNK

A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of severe
pain while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they
would come out halfway, but they always popped back in. A nurse
tried to help using a suction pump, but without success. Finally,
a doctor examined him and discovered that the man did not have
his contact lenses in at all. He had been trying to rip out the
membrane of his cornea.

GROWING SEASON

An old woman in a North Carolina ER complained of green vines
growing from her vagina. Investigation revealed a large potato
trapped in her womb. The woman then suddenly remembered that she
had inserted it two weeks previously, because she thought that
her uterus was falling out.

PRICKLY PAIR

In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations to his
penis. He complained that his wife had -a rat in her vagina- and
it bit him during sex. After an examination of his wife, if was
revealed that she had a surgical needle left inside her after a
recent hysterectomy.

LAST STAND

A Cambridge man hobbled into an ER complaining of a permanent
erection. He admitted to doctors that while on holiday in Cuba,
he frequented many brothels, and in one he was given some
erectile cream to keep him hard. He was told to use it
sparingly.

However, since he was having so much fun, he kept using more and
more. By the time he came to the ER, all the blood vessels in
his penis were swollen and his testicles had ballooned in size.
Doctors could do nothing except prescribe painkillers, and told
him that it would return to flaccidity in a few days. They also
told him to enjoy his erection while it lasted, because it was
going to be his last.

JUICY LUCY

In Kentucky, a woman complained of a purple discharge from her
vagina. She thought it might have something to do with the
diaphragm that her doctor had recently given her. I followed all
the instructions to the letter, she told her doctor, and used it
with the jelly. When asked which kind of jelly she had used, she
replied -Grape.-



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