Text 545, 133 rader
Skriven 2004-11-16 20:03:00 av Greg Sears
     Kommentar till en text av GEORGE POPE
Ärende: Book
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GP>GS>       Soon phrases like, "This has never happened to me before," "I
  >GS> must be more tired than I thought I was" and the ever-popular "Oh..
  >GS> wanna watch TV?" will be banished from our collective vocabulary.

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 BBS: Milky Way Date: 11-14-04 (07:32) GEORGE POPE replied To: GREG SEARS
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GP>Well, "Wanna watch TV" will still be around -- you see, in Canada, that's
  >a codephrase for, "Let's do it doggie-style!"

I heard that about the male type canucks.... in NHL season isn't it! '-)

>OBJoke: from our Moderator and all-round friend/servant

  Date: 25 Jul 99  06:56:00
  From: George Pope

The old perfesser decides to do something wild he's never done
before, so he sets out to rent his first X-rated adult video.
He goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while,
selects a title that sounds very stimulating.

He drives home, lights some candles, slips into his comfy
jammies, and puts the tape in the VCR. To his disappointment,
there's nothing but static on the screen, so he calls the video store
to complain.

The old perfesser: "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's
nothing on the tape but static."

Store Clerk:  "Sorry about that.  We've had problems with some of
those tapes.  Which title did you rent?"

The old perfesser:  "It's called 'Head Cleaner'."


>OBJoke: for <+]::-{(} ("Cyberpope") MATHEMATICAL MODEL OF GOD AND JESUS

Sexual Sin and Christians

   19940404

   Charles Magee (Not available via Internet),
   See also:
     * Classification of Religions
     * Life After Death

This article's surreality index is 'U' (unreal).

To solve the question of if sex is a sin in Christianity, the following
model has been constructed.  In this model God is a point mass, centered
at the origin of our XYZ space.  Christ, we assume, is at the right hand
of God, about 100 centimeters away.  His mass is probably around 75
kilograms.

Since God has a very large mass (a bit less than infinity), Christ, who
we assume is in a circular orbit around God, has a very large momentum,
and hence has a very small wavelength.  This means that Christ's
uncertainty is quite small, so we can therefore conclude that he is
fairly certain in all that he does.

Now let us consider a sinner.  We shall place him at a large distance
from God, say one inch and 45 million light-years.  He, being at a
constant distance from God and thus in a circular orbit, and having
approximately the same mass as Christ, will be travelling significantly
slower than Christ, and will therefore be more uncertain.  One should
also consider, however, that since Christ's orbit could fit in a kiddie
pool, while the sinner's would encompass not only our galaxy, but a few
of the nearby ones as well, that the sinner gets around more, sees more,
and is generally a more knowledgeable guy than the Savior.  This fits in
with traditional wisdom.

Mary, the Mother of Jesus, being a fairly pure person, is close to God.
This means that she must be a fast woman.  From this situation we can
draw the conclusion that sinners have a lot more potential than saints,
since less of their energy is stored as kinetic energy.  Further
insights can be gained when we look at the situation of the heathen.

A heathen is someone who, in general, is not affected by God.  This
means that they are at least an infinite distance from him.  Now,
assuming that one of these folk starts, by random causes, to travel
towards God, he will convert his potential energy to kinetic energy
during the approach, or descent.  Since he started out an infinite
distance away, but with some kinetic energy of his own, he will approach
God on a hyperbolic trajectory and then disappear into space again,
never to be seen again.  If his approach is such that it brings him
inside the orbit of The Son of God, then right after his closest
approach, the heathen's velocity will be greater than Jesus', which
means that he will be more sure of himself in his escape than Christ who
is in orbit.  This is an interesting notion, but some of the side
ramifications are even more intriguing.

Without any orbiters, therefore, God would not be able to attract
anyone; all approaching bodies would have either parabolic or hyperbolic
trajectories.  However, once God has an orbiter, the two of them could
collaborate to capture other bodies.  This means that heathens that get
too close to believers in their approaches might get trapped, and by the
same token, believers who are buzzed by heathens could be ejected.

And what, the reader asks at this point, does any of this have to do
with sex?  Well, the answer is this:  Sex, as we all know, is the union
of two or more people.  This, in our analogy, would be represented as a
collision.  Now, in Christianity, almost all of the holy figures are
male.  For God, a collision between any of these close in folk would be
disastrous, because, even if we assume they are indestructible, such a
high energy collision would either:

          A) Eject one of the men out of orbit (becoming a heathen)
          B) Cause one of them to fall into God (to die)
          C) Give them highly irregular elliptical orbits (becoming a
             doubter)

All of these would be bad for God, because in the first two he would
lose orbiters, making His chance at capturing new ones less, and in the
third case He would have a much greater chance of more collisions, as
the elliptical orbiters would cross many of the unaffected circular
orbits.  Therefore, God probably disapproves of these collisions.

If anyone is not offended yet, I can use the analogy to prove the verse
in Leviticus, that no man shall wear clothes of two different fabrics.

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