Text 591, 176 rader
Skriven 2004-11-29 05:08:58 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: What We All Want. . .
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GS> CONTEMPORARY COMPOSITION
> Can you decipher this:
George Pope was saying F unny stuff to GREG SEARS
GP> Looks like Jack & Jilly nursery rhyme!
> (0&,I see, after the scroll down, that I was right!)
I did that cause I remember how pissed you get at posters that only
send the questions without answers eh! ;-)
GS> "Well, " Max went on, "I thought about it and sent her
> home to her Mother. Now she won't even speak to me."
GP> Birthdays can be so very difficult!
Guess it could of been worse... Fred's wife gave him Cement-shoes for
his 40th birthday pre-fitting included.
GP> __ _
GP> ( .-.' `; `-._ __ _
GP> c~~p ,---------. `-`-. (_, .-:' `; `-._
GP> ,---'oo ) \ '( @ > ,'o"( (_, )
GP> ( O O )/ _) ( (__,-' ,'o"(
GP> (Translation below)
GP> Hippo Birdie Two Ewe.
Very clever that one CyberPope! I like it........
> OBJoke: for our Moderator and all-round friend/servant
Etymology of the British arse
Borrowed from the British info website: http://www.br1t.com/
The true origins of the word "arse" date back to before the 12th century
in England, and are available through a very obscure, ancient reference
document. (Don't bother looking.... you don't have it.) Now it's a well
known fact that the Brits of those times, as indeed with their progeny
today, loathe the thought of any education beyond the level of "Use THAT
end of the shovel to dig the well, ya daft mongrel!" and will fiercely
avoid any additional schooling unless someone physically builds the walls
of a university around their sod walled hovels. Be that as it may,
there's still an occasional glitch in the genetic code, so every now and
again a young British lad would pack up some animal skins and bird quills
and head off to college. As you may well imagine, this wasn't taken very
well by the village elders; particularly when the lad in question chose
to study the fine arts.
That was viewed as the most wasteful of all the forms of wasteful higher
education, so naturally most of the few Brits attending college flocked
to it like lepers to a dropped tuppence. This would lead to great
physical and verbal abuse of the students by the other village residents,
yelling after them, "Oh! There's the pansy boy, again. Off to study the
arts, are we?" and whatnot. Sadly, for these village wise men, there is
one thing that the English abhor more than education, and it is the
result of the apparently genetic repulsion which they have for dental
hygiene, passed on to their children to this day. This led many of the
old village men to have no front teeth, thereby giving them terrible
difficulty pronouncing those hard "t" sounds, so "arts" came out sounding
more like "arse".
Since the art students of the day *did* have to sketch a number of nudes
(for most of them, the only opportunity they would get in their lives to
see a naked female more distantly related than a first cousin) many of
the younger villagers assumed the elders were referring to human
posteriors, and took to calling it the "arse" as they do to this day.
> OBJoke: for Mr. <+]::-{(} ("Cyberpope")
Fantasy lampoon contribution
There are fantasy books, and then there are "after the fantasy is over"
books. Both genres often deal with strange and wondrous events, although
it seems to be easier for us to be attracted to, and to lose ourselves
within, the former rather than the latter. For shame, for shame! This
should not be the case! I submit to you dear reader that the latter can
also be intensely interesting and satisfying. Consider what might happen
if reality *did* actually come to fantasy land! Might not such a book be
entitled 'A Fantasy Lampoon'? And be written by someone named something
like Harry Elfstones? And contain a plot something like this:
For every 10,000 knights who go off in search of a beautiful elf maiden,
perhaps but one finds her, marries her, and lives happily ever after.
The other 9,999 knights find something else. Like maybe a not-so-pretty
and not-so-smart elf maiden (I'm being kind here). Maybe an elf "old
maid" (like, with grey hair). Maybe even an elf whore (which may or may
not be such a bad thing to find). Or perhaps even a genetically
ambiguous elf (found out the hard way)! Then again *gasp* maybe not even
an elf maiden at all! Maybe a sheep disguised as an elf (like some sort
of fraternity joke perhaps). A knight, wandering around in a suit of
armor all day - in the hot sun no less - can probably be led to believe
almost anything. Let's just hope, in some of these cases, no one's
around taking pictures...
And what about that one knight who does find the beautiful elf maiden?
What's the probability that she's stuck up? Or that she can actually
walk and chew gum at the same time? (I guess she could have a sister do
that for her. ...just joking...). Or maybe she'll be so small and
fragile that you'll break her after a few times in bed. She might even
tell you, a few years later of course, that she thinks she might gay!
Any number of things could happen to a knight! Not just the above two.
Or if the knight's really unlucky, all of them might happen. For the
record though, let's make it clear that you *may* be the lucky one who
*does* find a beautiful elf maiden, and who does live happily ever after.
Consider also those who go off in search of elf treasure! Or dragon
treasure! Or dwarf treasure! Or just plain treasure!
For every 10,000 knights who go off in search of treasure, perhaps but
one finds it (and avoids landing up in court over some sort of custody
dispute). The other 9,999 knights once again come home in a completely
different state. The return might go something like this:
Husband: "Hi honey. I'm home! (husband looks around) Wow. What
happened to all our belongings?"
Wife: "You've been gone for 2 years. What was I supposed to do! I
had to sell some stuff. (wife looks closely at husband)
Where's all your gear? Your supplies? All the treasure?!?!"
Husband: "Ha ha. A funny thing happened. (mumble mumble)."
Wife: "So. You lost all your gear. You're in debt. And there's no
treasure. Besides that, you also cheated on me and now a
bunch of an elf maiden's brothers are after you. Why did you
come home?"
Husband: "Ha ha. I love your sense of humor dear. That's why I
married you... (groveling begins ins earnest and lasts for a
lonnnngggg time)"
Of course, then there's the knight who comes home with a sexual disease
from elf land. Or finds that he has no woman, any longer, to come home
to at all (i.e., divorce by abandonment).
And how about those who go in search of magic? And don't exactly come
back? I mean, maybe they come back, but as something else? Maybe some
elf mage decides to play a real cruel trick on them and make them
*appear* to be beautiful elf maidens (who all the other knights now are
intensely interested in)! Some of those elf mages are known to have a
wicked sense of humor...something about all those tourist dollars the
errant knights bring in...want to keep them happy, and teach them a
lesson at the same time!
And what about the elf kingdom? Have you ever been to the elf kingdom?
Have you ever tried to find the elf kingdom? How many people have
successfully found it? Think about it a moment. The elves supposedly
live in a magical forest. Eat magical food. Sing magical songs. Have
magical visions. Everyone is happy all the time. Does this maybe sound
like a hippie commune? Where everyone is smoking pot? Doesn't the
magical forest, where they're supposedly living, sound like a field of
weed that is REAL well hidden. Like so maybe that the cops can't find
it?
Any number of drugs could explain what's so magical about elf food, and
why they're supposedly happy all the time. I bet they'll also say that
they can fly, and/or hike for days without sleeping and even have
conversations with God! They might even say something like "A dragon
came and burned our fields, scared our people, and (mumble) (mumble)". Of
course, in the latter case it's more likely it's just the DEA taking a
flame thrower to some of their cash crop.
Cheers,
. o _ _ _ From the
. _o /\_ _ \o (@)\__/o (@) I C E-man
. _< \_ _>(@) (@)/<_ \_| \ _|/' \/
.(@)>(@) (@) (@) (@) (@)' _\o_ OUCH!
... George Pope. . . . Said that 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2?
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