Text 68, 256 rader
Skriven 2004-08-05 21:46:31 av Greg Sears (3:770/245)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: How to...
=====================
 GS> A Golfing Parody

      George Pope was saying golf stuff to  Greg Sears  

 GP> Golf, eh?

The 2 Dozen Male Commandments

1. Thou shalt not rent Sleepless in Seattle.

2. When on a fishing trip with the guys, never, no matter how sunburned
you and your buds may be....is it ever appropriate to rub sunscreen on
each other's backs.

3. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem--you didn't see
nothin'.

4. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed
and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

5. When in need to pee, there is a minimum of one empty urinal between
you and another man. If this is not possible, you're out of luck----hold
it 'til later.

6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50% without
recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call you
on it. (Exception: When trying to pick-up a girl, the allowable
exaggeration rate rises to 400%).

7. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

8. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is
off-limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

9. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's
running late: five minutes. Maximum waiting time: six minutes. For a
girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she
scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

10. Things that you can always cheat on: your taxes, the SAT's, and your
resume. Things you can never cheat on: golf, darts, poker.

11. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines the pit stops, not
the weakest.

12. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a
Buffalo wing clean.

14. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail
out a friend within 12 hours.

15. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
man. (In fact even remembering your best buddy's birthday is strictly
optional).

16. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a
girlfriend's cat, even if you secretly set it on fire and threw it into
a ceiling fan.

17. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
about his choice of beer.

18. Unless you have signed a lucrative endorsement contract, do not
appear in public wearing more than one Nike swoosh.

19. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may
always ask the score of the game in progress; but you may never ask
who's playing.

20. It is permissible to order a fruity chick drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach....and it's delivered by a topless
model....and it's free.

21. Only in a situation of mortal peril are you allowed to kick another
member of the male species in the "family jewels."

22. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing:
both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an
almost imperceptible "I recognize you" nod is all the conversation you
need.

23. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
remain sober enough to do her.

24. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.


> OBJoke: for our Moderator and all-round friend/servant

SUITABLES List of names of people whose occupations (or professions)
suited their names. . .

Librarian..............Miss Story
Band teacher...........Ray Musicker
Pediatrician...........Dr. Needles
Podiatrist.............Dr. Smelsey
Doctors (Ob-gyn).......Dr. Miracle; Dr. Blessing; Dr. Peeke
Realtor................Sandi Lott; Dusty Rhodes
Car Dealer.............Swindle
Insurance Agency.......Bill Crook
Dietitian..............Miss Hunger
Mgr. Sleep Disorder....Joe Yawn
Psychiatrist...........Paul Looney
Fire Inspector.........Warren Burns
Power Official.........Ralph Watts
Highway Patrol.........L. R. Speedy
Bird dealer............Joe Pigeon
Chiropractor...........Dr. Bonebreak
Minister...............Rev. Lord
Undertaker.............Mr. Dye
Dentists...............Dr. Scaler; Dr. Socket; Dr. Les Plack; Dr. Brush


> OBJoke: for Mr. <+]::-{(} ("Cyberpope")

Strange but true stories ?

Coke Is It

Even though it is not recommended, there have
been many studies that prove that Coca-Cola can
be used as a spermicidal douche, the Princeton
Medical School admits that they can't say that
is doesn't work.

They held many series of vitro tests, and coke
worked when it came to killing sperm. The results
of their testing were fascinating: New Coke killed
the fewest sperm, Classic Coke had six times the
effect, and Diet Coke was the strongest of all of
them.

One of the medical researchers put stated. Whether
this was due to an extra fizz effect or to the
secret Coca-Cola formula, no one really knows!


> OBJoke: for the gapope@vcn.bc.ca




To: YOU
Date: TODAY
From: GOD - The Boss!
Subject: YOURSELF
Reference: LIFE

This is God. Today I will be handling All of your problems for you. I do Not
need your help. So, have a nice day.

I love you.

GOD

P.S.

And, remember....

If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you can not handle, do Not
attempt to resolve it yourself !! Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God
to do) box. I will get to it in MY TIME. All situations will be resolved, but
in My time, not you




P.S.S.
Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about
it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life
now.




If you find yourself stuck in traffic; Don't despair. There are people in this
world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.





Should you have a bad day at work; Think of the man who has been out of work
for years.





Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; Think of the person who has
never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.





Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; Think of the woman in dire
straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.





Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance; Think of
the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.





Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; Think of the cancer patient in
chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.





Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking
what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long enough to
get the opportunity.





Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance,
smallness or insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be one of
them!





Should you decide to send this to a friend; Thank you, you may have touched
their life in ways you will never know!

Now, you have a nice day,

God




Cheers,
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