Text 738, 113 rader
Skriven 2004-12-11 20:17:00 av George Pope
     Kommentar till en text av CERI@TWMBA.NET
Ärende: Tis the Season....
==========================
> According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and
> female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop
> their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to
> mid-December.   Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they
> give birth in the spring.

Go look this one up at http://www.snopes.com

More on Xmas. . .

 I was musing on similarities between Santa Claus and system
 administrators.  Consider:

 1. Santa is bearded, corpulent, and dresses funny.

 2. When you ask Santa for something, the odds of receiving what you wanted
are
    infinitesimal.

 3. Santa seldom answers your mail.

 4. When you ask Santa where he gets all the stuff he's got, he says, "Elves
    make it for me."

 5. Santa doesn't care about your deadlines.

 6. Your parents ascribed supernatural powers to Santa, but did all the work
    themselves.

 7. Nobody knows who Santa has to answer to for his actions.

 8. Santa laughs entirely too much.

 9. Santa thinks nothing of breaking into your $HOME.

 10. Only a lunatic says bad things about Santa in his presence.

and, now. . .



After much research, we present the annual aeronautical engineers report on
the theory of Santa:

No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of
living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects
and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer, which only
Santa has ever seen.

There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since
Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish & Buddhist
children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total -378 million
according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5
children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes that there's
at least one good child in each.

Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with. This is due to the different
time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west
(which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits/second. That is to say
that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has .001 second
to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings,
distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have
been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to
the next house.

Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around
the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our
calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles/household,
a total trip of 75.5 million miles; not counting stops to do what most of us
do at lease once every 31 hours, plus eating etc. So Santa's sleigh must be
moving at 650 miles/second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of
comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe,
moves at a pokey 27.4 miles/second. A conventional reindeer can run, tops,
15 miles/hour.

The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that
each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (2 lb.), the
sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably
described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more
than 300lb. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see #1) can pull 10 TIMES
the normal amount, we cannot do the job with 8, or even 9, reindeer. We need
214,200. This increases the payload - not counting the weight of the
sleigh - to 353,430 tons. This is four times the weight of the ocean-liner
Queen Elizabeth.

353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles/second creates enormous air resistance.
This will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft
re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb
14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will
burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them
and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team
will be vaporised within .00426 of a second. Meanwhile, Santa, will be
subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250
lb. Santa, being very conservative in terms of guessing Santa's weight,
would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 lb. of force. If
Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

A Merry Christmas to one and all!!



Your Moderator and all-round friend/servant,
<+]::-{(} ("Cyberpope")
Internet: gapope@vcn.bc.ca
1)If you don't like a joke, post 2-3 examples of what you DO like!
B)If you DO like a joke, say thank-you with 2-3 jokes of your own! :)

(AKA the Bishop of ROM!)

... nfx v3.1                                                                 

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