Text 744, 110 rader
Skriven 2004-12-13 03:23:22 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
     Kommentar till en text av JASEN BETTS
Ärende: Seasons greetings
=========================
 ..happy holidaze...
The 12 Days of Christmas

1st.DAY
My dearest Darling John,
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a
pear tree! What a truly delightful gift.  Thank you 'Darling' for the
lovely thought.
       With deep love & affection
          Your ever loving Agnes!

2nd DAY
My Dearest John,
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift -- Two Turtle Doves, I
am Delighted. They are adorable!
       All my love,
          Your ever loving Agnes!

3rd DAY
Dearest John,
Oh! How extravagant you are! I really must protest! I don't deserve
such generosity! Three french hens I insist....you are too kind
         Your loving Agnes!

4th DAY
Dearest John,
The four calling birds that I received today are lovely, and should be
good company for the hens, doves and partridges! I really must consider
getting an aviary!
         Kind regards, Agnes!

5th DAY
Dear John,
What a surprise ... today the postman delivered Five Gold Rings!- One
for every finger. You are really impossible, but I love you. Frankly
though, all the birds are beginning to squawk and get on my nerves!
            Regards Agnes!

6th DAY
Dear Johnathon!,
When I open the door this morning there were actually six bloody great
geese laying eggs ALL over the porch!  What in hell do you expect me to
do with all of them?? The neighbors are beginning to complain and I
can't sleep!    PLEASE STOP!!!!
           Cordially Yours Agnes!

7th DAY
JOHN!
What is it with you and these rotten birds??? Now I get SEVEN SWANS ARE
SWIMMING!!!!!!!!!!  IS THIS SOME SORT OF A GOD DAMMED JOKE????? The
house is full of BIRD SHIT and IT IS NOT FUNNY ANY MORE!!! Stop sending
these bloody Birds!!!!!
            Yours Agnes!

8th DAY
O.K. BUSTER,
I THINK I PREFER THE GOD DAMMED BIRDS.... WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO
DO WITH EIGHT BLOODY MAIDS-A-MILKING??????  AS IF IT WASN'T ENOUGH WITH
ALL THE F**KING BIRDS!!  NOW I HAVE EIGHT COWS TO SHIT ALL OVER THE
PLACE AND MOO ALL NIGHT.......
            AGNES!


9th DAY
LOOK DICKHEAD!
WHAT ARE YOU????  SOME KIND OF NUT???? NOW YOU SEND ME NINE PIPERS
PLAYING AND THEY NEVER F**KING WELL STOP!!! WHEN THEY ARE NOT PLAYING
THEIR BLOODY PIPES THEY KEEP CHASING THE MAIDS THROUGH THE COW SHIT.
THE COWS KEEP MOOING AND TREADING ALL OVER THE BIRDS. THE NEIGHBORS ARE
NOW THREATENING TO HAVE ME EVICTED...GET KNOTTED!
             AGNES!

10th DAY
YOU ROTTEN BASTARD! NOW I HAVE TEN LADIES DANCING....HOW ON EARTH ANY
ONE CAN CALL THE WHORES, "LADIES", IS BEYOND ME!! THEY SPEND ALL NIGHT
PULLING THE BLOODY PIPERS!!! THE COWS HAVE DIARRHOEA AND CAN'T SLEEP.
MY LIVING ROOM IS A SEA OF SHIT. THE LANDLORD HAS JUST DECLARED THE
BUILDING UNFIT FOR HABITATION..MINE OR THE ANIMALS'!!! PISS OFF....
AGNES!

11th DAY
LISTEN SHITFACE,
WITH ELEVEN LORDS A-LEAPING ALL OVER THE MAIDS A-MILKING,  WELL, WE
SHALL NEVER WALK AGAIN!!!! THE PIPERS ARE FIGHTING THE LORDS FOR A BIT
OF TIT AND COMMITTING SODOMY WITH THE COWS!!! THE BIRDS HAVE ALL BEEN
TRAMPLED TO DEATH AND ARE ROTTING IN THE SHIT HAVING BEEN TRAMPLED IN
THE ORGY!! I HOPE YOU ARE SATISFIED ...YOU BASTARD!!!!
         YOUR SWORN ENEMY AGNES!

12th DAY
YOU STINKING LOUSY PRICK!
THE TWELVE DRUMMERS DRUMMING HAVE TEAMED UP WITH THE ELEVEN LORDS
A-LEAPING IN MAKING ONE HELL OF A RACKET.  BOTH LOTS HAVE BEEN
BUGGERING THE PIPERS AS WELL AS THE COWS.... AND WHO KNOWS WHAT
HAPPENED TO THE MAIDS. THEY HAVE PROBABLY DROWNED IN THE COW SHIT BY
NOW!!!!  THE ONLY WAY I HAVE SAVED MYSELF IS TO LOCK MYSELF IN THE
BATHROOM AND TO HIDE IN THE PEAR TREE WHICH HAS NOW GROWN THROUGH THE
ROOF! THEY GOT ME BEFORE I COULD GET THE DOOR LOCKED! I'M PREGNANT!!!
YOU ROTTEN BASTARD! THANK GOD IT IS FINALLY  CHRISTMAS......AGNES!


   *                       *
  ###  Merry  Christmas   ###
 #####  Happy New Year   #####
   =      I C E-man        =

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