Text 803, 74 rader
Skriven 2004-12-20 06:39:32 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Saturday Night
======================
WELL THIS EXPLAINS SATURDAY DAY/NIGHT  : )  SO THERE IS NO NEED TO WORRY
       ABOUT NEW YEAR, BRING IT ON.



How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night drinking
and thought, 'How on  earth did I get home?' As hard as you  try,
you cannot piece together your return journey from  the pub to your house.
The answer to this puzzle is that you used a 'Vodka  Scooter.' The Vodka
Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to  the drunk by
Bacchus, the Roman God of Wine. Bacchus has acquired a large batch  of
these magical devices. The Vodka Scooter works in the following  fashion:

The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the  "slurring
gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many
sub-contractors detects this  pheromone and sends down a winged Vodka
Scooter.
The scooter scoops up the  passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via
a Trans-Dimensional Portal.  This is not cheap to run, so a large  portion
of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This answers the
second questions after a night out, 'How did I spend so much  money?'

Unfortunately, Vodka Scooters have a poor safety record and are  thought to
be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking  Injuries),
such as bruised legs, stubbed toes and a sore spot on the top of  your
head.

An undocumented feature of the Vodka Scooter is the  destruction of time
segments during the trip. The nature of Trans-Dimensional  Portals dictates
that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for. This answers  a third
question after a night out, 'What the hell happened?'

With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal  of Embarrassing
Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in  descending order,
those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one  person's REMIT is
not necessarily the REMIT of another's and quite often,lost  time is
regained in discussions over a period of time.   Independent studies have
also shown that Beer Goggles often  cause the Scooter's navigation system
to malfunction thus sending passengers  to the wrong bedroom, often with
horrific consequences.


For the young ladies, Vodka Scooters come equipped with  flowers picked
from other people's garden and Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent  Pending). These
boots are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly  you tiptoe up
the stairs, you are sure to wake up your downstairs  neighbours.
Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every  wall in the
house and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance  System)   explains the
bruised shins.

The final add-on  Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some Scooters is the
TAS(Tobacco Absorption  System). This explains how one person can
apparently get through 260 stolen  Marlboro Lights in a single night,
regardless whether or not said person is a  regular smoker or not.


P.S. Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to  comfortably get
home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just  a small outfit.

Vodka scooters, wonders of modern technology...have you  ever had a ride on
one??!!




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 #####  Happy New Year   #####
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