Text 835, 155 rader
Skriven 2004-12-24 04:47:44 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: Book
================
Funny on 22-Dec-2004 17:39

 GS>GP> Nah -- I always win, and, for my friends/etc., they always win, too 
   >  > so it's win-win and nobody loses!
   >
   > G-day George Pope, that must be ~W H Y~ I keep comin back to this place

      -=[George Pope replied IN a message to GREG SEARS]=-

 GP> That, or the hidden ASCII post-hypnotic suggestions I embed in my
   > taglines, eh?
   > I inspire addictiveness, are you saying?

  G-day George Pope, Prove It's So!
                     --------------

(to the tune of "Let It Snow")

Oh, the papers say Apple's dying,
But before we start good-byeing,
We should call them all up and go,
"Prove it's so! Prove it's so! Prove it's so!"

They say "Mac OS software's scarcer."
We say, "Read those numbers, there, sir,
Sales continued this year to grow.
There ya go, there ya go, there ya go!"

When they tell us Win 95
Made the Mac's famed advantages ebb,
We'll say, "Why, then, do Macs now drive
60 percent of the Web?"

We can win our PR reversal--
Make the Mac be universal--
Though we may have some years to go,
Make it so, make it so, make it so!

> OBJoke: for our Moderator and all-round friend/servant

Happily Addicted to the Web
---------------------------
(to the tune of "Winter Wonderland")

Doorbell rings, I'm not list'nin',
>From my mouth, drool is glist'nin',
I'm happy--although
My boss let me go--
Happily addicted to the Web.

All night long, I sit clicking,
Unaware time is ticking,
There's beard on my cheek,
Same clothes for a week,
Happily addicted to the Web.

Friends come by; they shake me,
Saying, "Yo, man!
Don't you know tonight's the senior prom?"
With a listless shrug, I mutter, "No, man;
I just discovered letterman-dot-com!"

I don't phone, don't send faxes,
Don't go out, don't pay taxes,
Who cares if someday
They drag me away?
I'm happily addicted to the Web!


> OBJoke: for Mr. <+]::-{(} ("Cyberpope")

New "Twelve Days of Christmas" Policy

Effective immediately, the following economizing measures are being
implemented in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary:

   1) The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never
produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging
plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance;

   2) Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost
effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be
condoned. The positions are, therefore, eliminated;

   3) The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves
the French;

   4) The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail
system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine
who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked;

   5) The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of
Directors.  Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have
negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into
other precious metals, as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology
stocks, appear to be in order;

   6) The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be
afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per
goose per day was an example of the general decline in productivity. Three
geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by
personnel will assure management that, from now on, every goose it gets
will be a good one;

   7) The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better
times.  The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on
order.  The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes,
thereby enhancing their outplacement;

   8) As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy
scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being
sought.  The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no
upward mobility.  Automation of the process may permit the maids to try
a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching;

   9) Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function
will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do
the steps;

   10) Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords, plus the
expense of international air travel, prompted the Compensation Committee
to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While
leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant as
we expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year;

   11) Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case
of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a
cutback on new music, and no uniforms, will produce savings which will
drop right to the bottom line;

Overall we can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl,
animals and related expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that
stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship
in one day, service levels will be improved.

Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking
expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"), a
decision is pending.

Deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to remain competitive. Should
that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow
White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number.




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