Text 878, 96 rader
Skriven 2005-01-09 23:56:06 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
Ärende: Joke
============
Real Programmers...

Don't eat quiche. Real programmers don't even know how to spell Quiche.
     They like Twinkies, Coke and palate-scorching Szechwan food.

Don't write applications programs. They program right down to the bare
     metal. Applications programs are for dullards who can't do systems
     programming.

Don't write specs. Users should be grateful for whatever they get. They
     are lucky to get any program at all.

Don't  comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to
     understand and even harder to modify.

Don't draw flowcharts. Flowcharts are, after all, the illiterate's form
     of documentation. Cavemen drew flowcharts; look how much it did for
     them.

Don't read manuals. Reliance on a reference is a hallmark of the novice
     and the coward.

Don't use Cobol. Cobol is for wimpy applications programmers.

Don't user Fortran. Fortran is for wimpy engineers who wear white socks
     pipe stress freaks, and crystallography weenies. They get excited
     over finite state analysis and nuclear reactor simulation.

Don't use PL/I. PL/I is for insecure momma's boys who can't choose
     between Cobol and Fortran.

Don't use BASIC. In fact, *no* programmers use BASIC after reaching
     puberty.

Don't use APL, unless the whole program can be written on one line.

Don't use LISP. Only effeminate programmers use more parentheses than
     actual code.

Don't use Pascal, Bliss, Ada or any of those sissy-pinko computer
     science languages. Strong typing is a crutch for people with weak
     memories.

Never work 9 to 5. If any real programmers are around at 9 a.m. it's
     because they were up all night.

Don't play tennis or any other sport which requires a change of clothes.
     Mountain climbing is ok, and real programmers often wear climbing
     boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in the
     middle of the machine room.

Disdain structured programming. Structured programming is for
     compulsive, prematurely toilet-trained neurotics who wear neckties
     and carefully line up sharpened pencils on an otherwise uncluttered
     desk.

Don't like the team programming concept. Unless, of course, they are the
     Chief Programmer.

Have no use for managers. Managers are a necessary evil. Managers are
     for dealing with personnel bozos, bean counters, senior planners
     and other mental defectives.

Scorn floating point arithmetic. The decimal point was invented for
     pansy bed-wetters who are unable to "think big".

Don't drive clapped-out Mavericks. They prefer BMWs, Lincolns or pick-up
     trucks with floor shifts. Fast motorcycles are highly regarded.

Don't believe in schedues Planners make up schedules. Managers "firm up"
     schedules. Frightened coders strive to meet schedules. Real
     programmers ignore schedules.

Like vending machine popcorn. Coders pop it in the microwave oven. Real
     programmers use the heat given off by the cpu. They can tell what
     job is running just by listening to the rate of popping.

Know every nuance of every instruction and use them all in every real
     program. Puppy architects won't allow execute instrucitons to
     address another execute as the target instruction. Real programmers
     despise such petty restrictions.

Don't bring brown bag lunches to work. if the vending machine sells it,
     they eat it. If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't eat
     it. Vending machines don't sell quiche.

Salutations from --Christchurch-+
  ICE-man in      /\            |          \ | /   Mountains, Sunshine
 New Zealand     /  \/\         |  /\     -- O --   Forestry, Farming
-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^/      \!!ii,,..@-/==\---^-^-^-^-^ Beaches and Surfing


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