Text 944, 66 rader
Skriven 2005-01-23 22:53:10 av DAVE COBLE (1:123/140)
Ärende: A Guide to Office Birds
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A Guide to Office Birds
By M.G.  Hilton

It's too late to put up a scarecrow to keep these common office birds out
of your office.  They're settled in, they can't be scared off, and you'll
just have to learn to live with them.

Here's a Birdwatcher's Guide to some of the most common species:

The Brownnosed Suckup.
Is there anyone in the world that this bird isn't attempting to ingratiate
with?  Especially if that person could in any way assist the Brownnosed
Suckup's desire for more status, more power and more perks.

The Grump-Breasted Againer.
Nothing can happen in your office without this chattery bird finding fault
with it.  The boss gave everyone a 20 percent raise?  He's probably up to
something sneaky.  The company get the biggest new-business order in its
history?  Well, who said we can fulfull the contract on time?  A new
profit-sharing plan?  Probably a ruse to make us all incipient capitalists.

The All-knowing Blabberbird.
Think you know something new?  The All-knowing Blabberbird already has the
advance word on your scoop.  No matter what the topic, the Blabberbird is
the world's leading expert.  Too bad Jeopardy hasn't invited this bird to
the show.

The Crabbywabby Bossbird.
Everybody at the office in a wonderful Monday morning mood?  In comes the
Crabbywabby Bossbird and finds fault with something or somebody. This
particular species is a veritable genius at turning silk purses into sow's
ears.

The Razor-tongued Gossip.
Did the most distinguished employee in company history get married right
after she retired?  She probably HAD to.  Did the boss's son win a
scholarship to Fordham?  He'll probably graduate and come to work and
expect us all to turn Catholic.  The Razor-tongued Gossip would find fault
with St.  Francis of Assisi.

The Pitiful Pearl Victimbird.
No matter the situation or the circumstance, the Victimbird manages to fit
squarely behind the eight-ball.  Both the male and the female of the
species sees that the glass is always half empty, not half full.  And
nothing, needless to say, is ever the FAULT of the Pitiful Pearl
Victimbird.

The High-toned Stuckup.
You'll recognize this bird because its nose is always in the air.  Its
plumage is always the latest from the pages of Vogue or Gentleman's
Quarterly.  If the High-toned Stuckup has been out to dinner, it was at a
five-star restaurant.  It's a wonder that such an important, well-connected
person could have taken a job as the mail room assistant in our office
where the rest of us are such common riff-raff.

The Cheerful Lesser Earwing.
Pollyanna had nothing on this chirpy little bird.  Optimism is its middle
name.  The Cheerful Lesser Earwing always knows there's a pony in the
manure pile.  After hearing its happy happy happy talk all day, the rest of
the folks in the office yearn for someone who says something cynical,
downbeat and grumpy.

Recognize any of these birds?  Recognize ALL of them?  As I said at the
beginning, they're among the most common species in the country.
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