Text 987, 40 rader
Skriven 2005-01-31 00:32:02 av DAVE COBLE (1:123/140)
Ärende: Hurricanes
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The new categories:

Category 1: "Wussy." Street signs blow over, bushes and shrubs are
damaged, housecats meow slightly more loudly. Plan for these storms by
duct taping your shrubs, kicking the cat, and shaking your fist
triumphantly at Mother Nature for throwing such a weak-ass storm at you.

Category 2: "Mildly Alarming." Houses moan, some of the sicker looking
trees may fall over, shingles blow off, small children complain.
Planning: duct tape all the sick trees you may have on your property, as
well as duct taping X-es on your windows. This lets the wind know not to
blow the glass in. Purchase bottled water, before everyone else snaps it
up.

Category 3: "Deeply Frightening." Houses collapse, mobile homes cease to
exist in any normal functioning sense of the word, dogs fart
explosively, healthy trees surrender. Planning: duct tape everything on
your property, including the dog. Buy plywood and nail it over the
windows-- after first duct taping X-es over the glass. Purchase bottled
water and bleach. This is so if it looks like you're going to die, you
can add the bleach to the water and drink it.

Category 4: "Holy  Shit." Buildings fall, cars fly through the air,
walls bleed, large sea mammals are carried several miles inland, entire
regions disappear completely. Planning: Cover your entire house with
duct tape X-es to try and fool the hurricane into thinking the whole
place is a gigantic window. Nail as much wood as you can find to the
outside of the duct tape. Lock yourself and your family and your farting
dog in the basement with the bottled water and bleach, and maybe some
canned goods, a portable generator, and a gun to ward off looters in the
apocalyptic aftermath that is sure to follow.

Category 5: "The End Of The World." All trace of humanity is picked up
several yards into the air and converted into bite-sized pieces, the
Biblical leviathan surfaces from the depths, hell rises up and swallows
mankind whole.
Planning: screw the duct tape. Get into the basement and make peace with
your god.  Whomever He, She or It may be.
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