Text 5595, 153 rader
Skriven 2004-11-27 13:54:51 av Stan Hardegree (1:379/1.2)
Ärende: Rumpswab
================
The Thanksgiving weekend tradition continues:
New material added
.....

You might be a Clinton Rumpswab if....

You regard Bill Clinton's masturbating in the Oval Office sink to be a private
matter between him and his wife but
regard the details of Newt Gingrich's divorce to be legitimate public grist.

You regard Clinton's selling strategic nuclear data to the Chinese to be a
matter of his keeping the door open to a
nascent ally in Asia but regard Ronald Reagan's attempt to free American
hostages by selling obsolete tactical
weaponry to the Iranians to be among the century's most heinous crimes.

You regard Hillary Clinton's attempt to keep billing records from legitimate
investigators to be evidence of her
keen intellect and feisty doggedness but regard Republican doggedness in
forcing her to comply with federal
subpoenas to be a witch hunt.

You believe that there really does exist a picture of Bob Barr licking whipped
cream off of a stripper's breasts but
are convinced that Matt Drudge's picture of the 21-week old baby clutching a
doctor's finger is faked.

You believe that Bill Clinton's bombing of Kosovo was carried out to stop
ethnic cleansing there and was of
legitimate national interest to the U.S. but believe that George Bush had no
busniess in Panama.

You believe that Bill Clinton's ignoring two draft notices and reneging on a
deal to enter ROTC was a legitimate
response to an immoral war but you believe that George W. Bush's honorable
service in the Texas Air Guard was
draft dodging.

You believe that Bill Clinton's attendance at dozens of campaign fund raisers
during the Kosovo operation was
perfectly acceptable but that George Bush's taking his boat out for an
afternoon during the Gulf War was an
affront to our men in uniform.

You believe that Republicans who criticize Hillary Clinton for her attempt to
socialize American medicine fear
strong women but that democrats who attack Monica Lewinsky, Juanita Broadrick,
Linda Tripp and Lucianne
Goldberg do so only out of a sense of justice.

You believed and breathlessly defended Bill Clinton when he said "I did not
have sex with that woman" but when
you found out that he did, you attacked Ken Starr.

You believe that when Bill Clinton sees children suffering in places like
Kosovo, he should send in the Marines
but can't be bothered by the fact that he endorses a policy under which babies
can be aborted -- up to and including at the time of delivery.

You believed Mike McCurry when he told you that Bill Clinton's herpes chancres
are skin cancers but laughed
cynically when Ronald Reagan's doctors said that he had no symptoms of
Alzheimer's while he was in office.

You believe that a man who dropped out of a Rhodes scholarship is among the
smartest presidents we have
ever had but that a man who scored 1206 on the SAT and graduated from Yale and
Harvard is a hopeless dullard.

When presented with George Bush's 1988 promise not to raise taxes, you mutter
"he lied" and when presented
with Bill Clinton's 1992 promise of a 10 percent tax cut you mutter "Bush lied
about the size of the deficit."

When presented with proof of Bill Clinton's sexual proclivities, you yawn
lazily and say, "He is no better or
worse than other men. They all do it" but when presented with the fact that
Newt Ginrich may have had an affair, you suddenly find yourself in a
spit-spewing rage to discover that they all do it.

You regard Bill Clinton's renting the Lincoln Bedroom to the highest bidder to
be a legitimate use of the White
House but regard Nancy Reagan's buying some new china for the dining room to be
scandalous.

You thought Ed Meese should have gone to jail for accepting some cuff links
from the South Korean government
but defend -- indeed praise -- Janet Reno for killing 80 Americans at Waco,
Texas.

You believe that what Bill Clinton did with Monica Lewinsky in the Oval Office
reveals him to be a man with a
normal sexual urges but believe that Ken Starr's transcribing testimony of what
went on there reveals him to be a
pornographer.

You believe that The Nation and American Politics Journal are respected organs
of opinion but that American
Spectator and National Review are right-wing smear sheet.

You believe that Terry McAuliffe is just another savvy political operative
trying to get his man elected but that
Lee Atwater was among this country's most notorious villians for providing the
same service to Ronald Reagan and George Bush.

You believe that Hillary Clinton's conversations with Elanor Roosevelt were
nothing more than whimsical
metaphors but that Nancy Reagan's consulting an astrologer revealed her to be
an irremediable nutcase.

You believe that Ronald Regan slept through cabinet meetings and operated as a
"hands off" president but
regard the fact that Clinton stays out of the country a great deal of the time
and has not held a cabinet meeting in a
year as evidence of "hands-on, activist" leadership.

When presented with incontrovertible proof that Clinton is a hypocrite, your
natural reaction is, "hypocrisy, they
name is politics" but when presented with even the most outrageous rumor that
George Bush may have used
cocaine 30 years ago, your natural reaction is, "hypocrisy, thy name is George
Walker Bush."

You believe that Ken Starr went on a wild spending spree and wasted $40 million
of taxpayer money to find
nothing but that Larry Walsh was niggardly with every penny the Justice
Department gave him and uncovered
crimes of unparalleled enormity.

You believe that Ronald Reagan just happened to be president when the USSR fell
but that Bill Clinton single
handedly rescued America's economy from the jaws of Reaganomics. When asked
what Clinton did to resuce the
economy, you change the subject to Iran/Contra, which you understand about as
deeply as you understand
economics.

In the aftermath of a thoroughly corrupt and forevermore disgraced presidency,
you long for those heady days of
early 1993, when this brilliant young presence, This Man From Hope, was
dispatched by a grateful nation to
rescue the Republic from the evil clutches of George Bush. And you still hold
onto a fading hope, despite the
corruption, despite the disgrace, despite what Bill Clinton has done to the
office of the presidency and to this
country, that you will one day see that sturdy jaw protruding proudly from the
rock in the Black Hills of South Dakota.

You think the Clinton Double-Wide Museum and Whorehouse in Little Rock is
elegant.

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 * Origin: Charles Doll - Rest in Peace (1:379/1.2)