Text 1081, 93 rader
Skriven 2006-06-11 14:50:00 av George Pope (1:153/7715.0)
    Kommentar till text 905 av Lee Lofaso (1:123/140)
Ärende: Nuking the UN
=====================
LL> A prophecy has been revealed by a splinter group of the Jehovah
LL> Witnessess that the United Nations complex in Manhattan will soon
LL> be nuked -

The JWs have made a LOT of prophecies over the past 40 years with exactly a 0%
success rate!

The rules used to be for even ONE prophecy in God's name (&, of course, the JWs
would have you believe only they even KNOW God's name!) the penalty is DEATH by
stoning!!!

Have you thrown rocks at a JW yet today?

*LOL*

Help for us all:


How to Get Rid of Jehovah Witnesses

--When you open the door and there's one there saying, "hello, I'm
     collecting for the Jehovah's witnesses...", interrupt them and say,
     "Great, I'm Jehovah. How much have we made so far?"

--A chalk outline of a human body on the sidewalk, and a few copies of The
     Watchtower scattered around...

--My mother (a second-generation atheist) used to say (in a very sweet
     voice): "I'm sorry, I don't give a damn about Jesus." Worked everytime.
     The Witnesses just backed off the porch in slack-jawed, bug-eyed
     disbelief.

--Agreed, we are not prepared for this one, but it has to be carried off
     perfectly. The more sincere you appear, the more baffled the Witness
     will be: Answer the door with an automatic weapon and say "Allah be
     Praised!!!" and just see what happens.

--Automatic weapons are undeniably the best deterrent to Witnesses. For
     extra effect, fire a few rounds into the air or towards their car.
     Pretend you hear a voice inside your head telling you to kill the
     witness. Guaranteed to stop future visits for several years.

--The young couple came to my door. I was wearing my robe, and had just
     awakened. Now let me explain, I am a very unusual looking person
     anyway, but when I awake, I look like some kind of movie monster, I
     have hair all over everywhere. I made my eyes real piercing, and
     stared past them. I knew who they were, you can tell, they look so cute
     in their getup and their bland faces. Well the female one obviously is
     supposed to do the introduction because she sort of panicked, and said:  
  "We're...we're...we're..we're....we're...." And
     helplessly at the other one and he said: "uh... uh.... uh... uh..."I
     then did a really fierce grin and stuck out my hand in a very fast
     gesture, and opened all my fingers, and in a voice sort of a mixture
     between Peter Lore and Lurch, I said: I... WILL... TAKE... YOUR...
     LITERATURE... AND... GIVE... IT... TO... MY... MASTER. The male one
     quickly handed me a copy of whatever rag they were peddling. they did
     not ask for a donation. They ran. It's a true story, and they never
     came back.

--A friend claims that when Jehovah's Witlesses knock on her door, her
     first response is to ask for their address. When they ask why she
     wants to know, she says it is so she can visit them to push her
     beliefs. So far, none of them have given their address. It also marks
     the end of the interview. SLAM!

--A guy goes up to my friend's friend and asks, "Can I talk to you about
     God?" She says, "Sure, what would you like to know?"

--JW ladies come to the door. One of them has small child in tow. Interrupts
     SIW's dinner. If you knew SIW like I knew SIW, you wouldn't do that.
     SIW: Thank you, but I already have a religion. JW: May I ask what it is?
     SIW: I'd really rather not say. {Pregnant pause} I'm not sure if it's
     legal in this country. Supposedly they gave her a real strange look on
     their way back down the stairs.

--I answer the door with a bloody knife and say, "I'm sorry, could you come
     back in a half hour? We're not done with the virgin yet."

I am the moderator of FIDONET's "FUNNY Jokes and Stories" echo (come on
by!) :)

I sign in peace, as a friend,
|<+]::-{)} ("Cyberpope"(the Bishop of ROM!))
Internet: gapope@vcn.bc.ca
Suggestions for joke conference happiness:
1)If you don't like a joke, post 2-3 examples of what you DO like!
B)If you DO like a joke, say thank-you with 2-3 jokes of your own! :)
My Preferred Netmail address is: 1:153/307.11

... nfx v3.1 down at the end of Lonely Street...in Heartbreak Hotel....      

--- Squish/386 v1.11
 * Origin: The BandMaster, Vancouver BC, CANADA (1:153/7715)