Text 7323, 140 rader
Skriven 2008-08-23 05:25:00 av TIM RICHARDSON (1:123/140)
Ärende: Dumbocrats
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With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, you just might be a liberal if...


* You're sure the Constitution explicitly guarantees the right to
abortion and gay marriage, but not the right to own a handgun.


* You think Dan Quayle is the dumbest Vice-President we ever had because
he believed a flash card that misspelled "potato," but think Obama is a
genius despite the fact he believes we have more than 57 states.


* You'd be more upset about your favorite candidate being endorsed by
the NRA than the Communist Party.


* You think the same criminals who use guns in the commission of a crime
will just hand them over to comply with the law if guns are made
illegal.


* You know that 86% of all income taxes are paid by the top 25% of
income earners and you still feel that the rich "aren't paying their fair
share of the taxes."


* You put a higher priority on oil pipelines possibly inconveniencing a
few caribou than you do on lowering the price of gas for everyone in the
country by drilling ANWR.


* You're worried that Osama Bin Laden might not get a fair trial if we
capture him, but want George Bush thrown in prison for being too zealous
in protecting us from Al-Qaeda.


* You get infuriated when you hear about the CEO of a Fortune 500
company making tens of millions of dollars, but don't see a problem with an
actor, basketball player, or trial lawyer making the same amount.


* You're constantly seeing subtle, coded racism in campaign ads, but see
nothing racist about blacks being promoted over more qualified white
applicants because of Affirmative Action.


* You think it's obscene that oil companies are allowed to make 8.3
cents per gallon in profit with gas prices this high, but would never suggest
cutting the 13 cents per gallon they pay on taxes to reduce the price of
gas.


* You think George Bush is a chickenhawk because he wanted to fight in
Iraq and Afghanistan despite the fact that he only served in the
National Guard, but you don't think the same about Barack Obama, who has never
served in the military and probably couldn't find either country on a
map without help.


* You think protesting outside of abortion clinics is extremism and
should be illegal, but carrying around giant puppet heads while wearing a t-
shirt that compares Bush to Hitler is just exercising your First Amendment
rights.


* You think the case for global warming is proven without a shadow of a
doubt, but that we need another century or two worth of evidence to
figure out if capitalism and free markets work better than socialism.


* You believe the best way to fix the government screwing something up
in the market is with...drumroll, please...more government intervention.


* You think the first thing we should have done when Russia invaded
Georgia was to take the matter to the United Nations, where Russia sits
on the UN Security Council.


* You spend your days criticizing the use of private jets, SUVS, and
luxurious houses that consume enormous amounts of resources and then
ride in an SUV to the airport, get on your private plane, and fly home to
your luxurious house.


* You have more nice things to say about countries like Cuba and France
than you do about your own country.


* You think the war in Iraq is unwinnable, but victory in the war on
poverty is going to happen any day now if we can just get the Democrats
back in charge.


* You won't even support English as our national language, but can't
seem to understand why people worry about tens of millions of illegal aliens
changing our culture.


* You think censorship is absolutely wrong; except when it's applied to
conservatives on college campuses or on talk radio via the fairness
doctrine.


* You get more upset about an American soldier accidentally killing a
civilian than you do about a terrorist deliberately blowing up a school
bus full of kids.


* You think Fox News is hopelessly biased to the right, but MSNBC, CNN,
NBC, ABC, and CBS call it right down the middle.


* You think the real hero of the Cold War was Mikhail Gorbachev.


* You couldn't care less about what Americans in states like Kansas or
Virginia think of you, but you would be greatly upset if a Frenchman
gave you a dirty look because you're an American.


* You think kids in public schools should have to watch Earth in the
Balance and read Heather Has Two Mommies, but no piece of literature
with the word "Jesus" on it should be allowed within a hundred yards of a
school.



About The Author


John Hawkins is a professional blogger who runs Conservative Grapevine and
Right Wing News.




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