Text 95, 158 rader
Skriven 2006-02-14 20:30:42 av George Pope (1:153/7715.0)
Ärende: Ambrose
===============
courtesy of Ambrose Beirce's "Devil's Dictionary"

NOTE TO THE PC POLICE:  These tags were all written prior to 1915,
and have *NOT* been edited for content.

ACTUALLY, adv.  Perhaps; possibly.
ADMIRATION-Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves
ADORE, v.t.  To venerate expectantly.
ANTIPATHY, n.  The sentiment inspired by one's friend's friend.
APOLOGIZE-To lay the foundation for a future offence.
ARMOR-The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
ARREST, v.t.  Formally to detain one accused of unusualness.
BRIDE, n.  A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
BRUTE, n.  See HUSBAND.
CANONICALS, n.  The motley worn by Jesters of the Court of Heaven.
CONGRATULATION, n.  The civility of envy.
DEFAME, v.t.  To lie about another.  To tell the truth about another.
DEFENCELESS, adj.  Unable to attack.
ENOUGH, pro.  All there is in the world if you like it.
ENVY, n.  Emulation adapted to the meanest capacity.
ERUDITION, n.  Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.
FAMOUS, adj.  Conspicuously miserable.
FASHION, n.  A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey.
FEMALE, n.  One of the opposing, or unfair, sex.
FICKLENESS, n.  The iterated satiety of an enterprising affection.
FIDELITY, n.  A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
FLESH, n.  The Second Person of the secular Trinity.
FOREFINGER-The finger commonly used in pointing out two malefactors.
FRIENDLESS, adj.  Having no favors to bestow.  Destitute of fortune.
FRIENDLESS, adj.  Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense.
GHOST, n.  The outward and visible sign of an inward fear.
GOOD, adj.  Sensible, madam, to the worth of this present writer.
GOUT, n.  A physician's name for the rheumatism of a rich patient.
HABIT, n.  A shackle for the free.
HATCHET, n.  A young axe, known among Indians as a Thomashawk.
HEARSE, n.  Death's baby-carriage.
HERS, pron.  His.
HISTORIAN, n.  A broad-gauge gossip.
HOMOEOPATHIST, n.  The humorist of the medical profession.
HOPE, n.  Desire and expectation rolled into one.
HOUSELESS, adj.  Having paid all taxes on household goods.
HOVEL, n.  The fruit of a flower called the Palace.
HURRY, n.  The dispatch of bunglers.
HYBRID, n.  A pooled issue.
HYDRA-A kind of animal that the ancients catalogued under many heads.
IMPIETY, n.  Your irreverence toward my deity.
IMPOSTOR n.  A rival aspirant to public honors.
IMPUNITY, n.  Wealth.
INCUMBENT, n.  A person of the liveliest interest to the outcumbents.
INDIFFERENT, adj.  Imperfectly sensible to distinctions among things.
INDISCRETION, n.  The guilt of woman.
INEXPEDIENT, adj.  Not calculated to advance one's interests.
INJURY, n.  An offense next in degree of enormity to a slight.
IRRELIGION, n.  The principal one of the great faiths of the world.
KILL, v.t.  To create a vacancy without nominating a successor.
KINDNESS, n.  A brief preface to ten volumes of exaction.
KLEPTOMANIAC, n.  A rich thief.
LABOR, n.  One of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
LAWFUL, adj.  Compatible with the will of a judge having jurisdiction.
LAWYER, n.  One skilled in circumvention of the law.
LAZINESS, n.  Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.
LEARNING, n.  The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
LEGACY-A gift from one who is legging it out of this vale of tears.
LIAR, n.  A lawyer with a roving commission.
LIBERTY, n.  One of Imagination's most precious possessions.
LOW-BRED, adj.  "Raised" instead of brought up.
MAD, adj.  Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence
MALE, n.  A member of the unconsidered, or negligible sex.
MALEFACTOR, n.  The chief factor in the progress of the human race.
MAUSOLEUM, n.  The final and funniest folly of the rich.
MEEKNESS-Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worthwhile.
MENDACIOUS, adj.  Addicted to rhetoric.
MERCY, n.  An attribute beloved of detected offenders.
METROPOLIS, n.  A stronghold of provincialism.
MINE, adj.  Belonging to me if I can hold or seize it.
MINOR, adj.  Less objectionable.
MISFORTUNE, n.  The kind of fortune that never misses.
MONARCHICAL GOVERNMENT, n.  Government.
MONDAY, n.  In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game.
MORAL, adj.  Conforming to a local and mutable standard of right.
MORAL, adj.  Having the quality of general expediency.
MORE, adj.  The comparative degree of too much.
NON-COMBATANT, n.  A dead Quaker.
NOVEMBER, n.  The eleventh twelfth of a weariness.
OMEN, n.  A sign that something will happen if nothing happens.
ONCE, adv.  Enough.
OPPORTUNITY, n.  A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.
OPPOSE, v.  To assist with obstructions and objections.
OPTIMIST, n.  A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
ORTHODOX, n.  An ox wearing the popular religious joke.
OTHERWISE, adv.  No better.
OUTDO, v.t.  To make an enemy.
OVEREAT, v.  To dine.
PATIENCE, n.  A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.
PHILOSOPHY, n.  A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
PHONOGRAPH, n.  An irritating toy that restores life to dead noises.
PIE, n.  An advance agent of the reaper whose name is Indigestion.
PIRACY, n.  Commerce without its folly-swaddles, just as God made it.
PITY, n.  A failing sense of exemption, inspired by contrast.
PLEASE, v.  To lay the foundation for a superstructure of imposition.
PLEASURE, n.  The least hateful form of dejection.
PLEBISCITE, n.  A popular vote to ascertain the will of the sovereign.
POCKET, n.  The cradle of motive and the grave of conscience.
POLITENESS, n.  The most acceptable hypocrisy.
PORTUGUESE, n.pl.  A species of geese indigenous to Portugal.
POSITIVE, adj.  Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
POVERTY, n.  A file provided for the teeth of the rats of reform.
PREDICAMENT, n.  The wage of consistency.
PREDILECTION, n.  The preparatory stage of disillusion.
PREHISTORIC, adj.  Belonging to an early period and a museum.
PREJUDICE, n.  A vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
PREROGATIVE, n.  A sovereign's right to do wrong.
PRESIDENCY, n.  The greased pig in the field game of American politics
PRUDE, n.  A bawd hiding behind the back of her demeanor.
RAPACITY, n.  Providence without industry.  The thrift of power.
RASCAL, n.  A fool considered under another aspect.
RASH, adj.  Insensible to the value of our advice.
REALITY, n.  The dream of a mad philosopher.  The nucleus of a vacuum.
REALLY, adv.  Apparently.
REASON, v.i.  To weight probabilities in the scales of desire.
REASON, n.  Propensitate of prejudice.
REASONABLE, adj.  Accessible to the infection of our own opinions.
RECONSIDER, v.  To seek a justification for a decision already made.
REPOSE, v.i.  To cease from troubling.
RESIDENT, adj.  Unable to leave.
RESOLUTE, adj.  Obstinate in a course that we approve.
ROBBER, n.  A candid man of affairs.
RUMOR, n.  A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.
RUSSIAN, n.  A person with a Caucasian body and a Mongolian soul.
SAINT, n.  A dead sinner revised and edited.
SAUCE, n.  The one infallible sign of civilization and enlightenment.
SELF-ESTEEM, n.  An erroneous appraisement.
SELF-EVIDENT, adj.  Evident to one's self and to nobody else.
SELFISH, adj.  Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.
SUCCESS, n.  The one unpardonable sin against one's fellows.
TAKE, v.t.  To acquire, frequently by force but preferably by stealth.
TOMB, n.  The House of Indifference.
TRICHINOSIS, n.  The pig's reply to proponents of porcophagy.
TRUCE, n.  Friendship.
TRUTH, n.  An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance.
TRUTHFUL, adj.  Dumb and illiterate.
TWICE, adv.  Once too often.
UN-AMERICAN, adj.  Wicked, intolerable, heathenish.
UNITARIAN, n.  One who denies the divinity of a Trinitarian.
VANITY, n.  The tribute of a fool to the worth of the nearest ass.
VIRTUES, n.pl.  Certain abstentions.
WAR, n.  A by-product of the arts of peace.
YEAR, n.  A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.


Because I care,
|<+]::-)  (Cyberpope(the Bishop of ROM!))
(aka Reverend George A. Pope)

... nfx v3.1 What if there were no hypothetical questions?                   

--- Maximus 3.01
 * Origin: The BandMaster, Vancouver, B.C., Canada (1:153/7715)