Text 13677, 453 rader
Skriven 2005-12-20 18:16:38 av TOM WALKER (1:123/140)
Ärende: Tag Lines
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2 is not equal to 3 - not even for large values of 2.

A banker is a person who lends you an umbrella when it is dry, and then
asks for it back when it starts raining.

A bird in hand is safer than one overhead.

A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block of
marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant.

A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.

A verbal contract is not worth the paper it's written on.

Absolute zero is cool.

Air is water with holes in it

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

All I need just enough money to have pizza every night.

All I want is a warm bed and a kind word... and unlimited power

All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

And if you give us any more trouble, I shall visit you in the small hours
and put a bat up your night-dress.

Anything is good and useful if it's made of chocolate.

Apart from the unknowns, everything is obvious.

Ask not for whom the telephone bell tolls... if thou art in the bathtub, it
tolls for thee...

Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.

By doing just a little every day, you can gradually let the task...
completely overwhelm you.

By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to
suspect 'Hungry' ...

Capitalism is: Man exploiting man. Socialism is the other way around.

Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum -- "I think that I think, therefore I think
that I am."

Constipation is the thief of time. Diarrhoea waits for no man.

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why
several of us died of tuberculosis.

DANGER, DANGER Will Robinson! [Robot flings arms wildly] "INTEL INSIDE!"

Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

Dogmatism is puppyism come to its full growth.

Donald Duck isn't all he's quacked up to be.

Don't confuse me with the facts - my mind is made up.

Don't hate yourself in the morning... sleep until noon.

Don't make me hungry. You wouldn't like me when I'm hungry.

Don't put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy it
today you can do it again tomorrow.

Don't tell me I'm burning the candle at both ends... tell me where to get
more wax!!

Eagles may soar, free and proud, but weasels never get sucked into jet
engines.

Energizer Bunny arrested... charged with battery.

Eschew obfuscation.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

Galileo was wrong! The world revolves around me!!

Give me ambiguity, or give me something else.

Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier.

Giving money and power to politicians is like giving whiskey and car keys
to teenage boy.

Hard work may have a future payoff, but laziness pays off now!

He who hesitates is probably smart... or maybe he is stapled to the floor?

Hickory, dickory, dock, three mice ran up the clock, the clock struck one,
the other two escape with minor injuries...

History is the sum total of things that could have been avoided.

Honk if you love peace and quiet!!?

I always said I wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more
specific.

I am at one with my duality.

I am logged in... therefore I AM.

I apologise for this long letter, I didn't have time to write a short one.

I believe no problem is so large or so difficult that it can't be blamed on
somebody else.

I could finally make ends meet, but then somebody moved the ends.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

I don't have a solution... but I do admire the problem.

I don't have to take this abuse from you - I've got hundreds of people
waiting to abuse me.

I don't pretend to have all the answers, I don't even pretend to know all
the questions.. Hey, where am I?

I don't want the whole world... I just want your half.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it
through not dying

I don't want yes-men around me. I want everyone to tell the truth, even if
it costs them their jobs.

I doubt, therefore I might be.

I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it

I finally got it together, but now I've forgotten where I put it.

I had an IQ test. The results came back negative.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes... and six months
later you have to start all over again.

I have a new philosophy; I'm only going to dread one day at a time.

I have a plan so cunning... you could pin a tail on it and call it a
weasel.

I have nothing definite to apologise for; I'm just sorry about everything
in general

I have often had the impression that, to penguins, man is just another
penguin - different, less predictable, occasionally violent, but tolerable
company when he sits still and minds his own business.

I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when looked at
in the right way, did not become still more complicated.

I haven't lost my mind - it's backed up on tape somewhere.

I hope that after I die, people will say of me - That guy sure owed me a
lot of money.

I know that you believe you understand what you think I said but, I'm not
sure you realise that what you heard is not what I meant.

I like pigs! Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as
equals.

I may not be funny but parts of me are humerus.

I may not be perfect but parts of me are excellent.

I often have long conversations all by myself, and I am so clever that
sometimes I don't understand a single word I am saying.

I only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't
looking good either.

I put the *fun* into dysfunctional.

I think, therefore I am overqualified.

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

I waited and waited, and when no message came, I knew it must have been
from you.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The
girl at the counter said "Would you like some fries with that?"

I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then,
Woo-hoo!, I'd have all my money back.

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

If genius is one percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration, I wind up
sharing elevators with a lot of very intelligent people.

If it wasn't for the last minute - nothing would ever get done.

If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what was yesterday?

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go! Because
- man, they're gone.

If you go flying back through time and you see somebody else flying forward
into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact.

If you hit a man over the head with a fish, he'll have a headache for a
day. If you teach a man to hit himself over the head with a fish, he'll
have a headache for the rest of his life.

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living
apart.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

In theory there is no difference between theory and practice, but in
practice there is.

It doesn't matter whatever temperature a room is... it's always room
temperature.

It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly
not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off

It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety.

It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown... and even fewer still to
ignore someone completely.

It's a darn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the
neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

It's hard to make a comeback if you haven't been anywhere.

Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.

Keep an open mind... but not so open that your brains fall out.

Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Snore, and you snore alone.

Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think, and a
docudrama with ugly actors for those who film docudramas.

Life is like a B-grade movie. You don't want to leave in the middle of it, but
you don't want to ever see it again.

Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get.

Life is like a shower, one wrong turn and you're in hot water.

Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I
disapprove.

Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code.

Life's a bleach, and then you dye.

Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around
the Sun

Love is like a roller coaster: when it's good you don't want to get off, and
when it isn't... you can't wait to throw up.

Love your enemies: they'll go crazy trying to figure out what you're up to.

Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself.
MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words *mank* and *ind*
What do these words mean? It's a mystery to me, and that's why so is
mankind.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

Money can't buy happiness, but it can enable you to be unhappy in comfort.

Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.

My life has a superb cast, but I just can't figure out the plot.

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right

My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating.

Never judge a man till you have walked a mile in his shoes - cause by then,
he's a mile away, you've got his shoes, and you can say whatever you like
about him.

Never make forecasts, especially about the future.

Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.

No matter where you go... there you are.

Nobody goes there anymore, it's too crowded.

Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.

Notice: "Due to budgetary constraints, the light at end of the tunnel is
being turned off."

Once you're over the hill, you pick up speed.

Once you've opened a can of worms, the only way to re-can them is to use a
bigger can!

Perfection has one grave defect; it is apt to be dull.

Perforation is a rip-off.

Perhaps, if I am very lucky, the feeble efforts of my lifetime will someday
be noticed, and maybe, in some small way, they will be acknowledged as the
greatest works of genius ever created by Man.

Please don't ask me what the score is, I'm not even sure what the game is.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be
changed regularly and for the same reason.

Politics, def: Poli=(many), tics=(blood sucking parasites).

Power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat.

Puns are bad, but poetry is verse.

REALITY.SYS not found. Universe halted.

Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life.

Seen on gas station sign: "Eat here, Get gas."

Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started
to dig.

Some people can tell the time by looking at the sun, but it is hard to make
out the numbers.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then
a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."

Sometimes the Road Less Travelled is less travelled for a reason.

Strange as it may seem, my life is based on a true story.

Test your reflexes... get into a sealed bag with a rabid ferret.

That was Zen, this is Tao.

The decision is maybe... and that's final!

The most valuable and useful of all talents and abilities is that of never
using two words or descriptions when one will do or suffice.

The nice thing about Windows is - It does not just crash, it displays a
dialogue box and lets you press 'OK' first.

The other super-heroes were getting tired of Flatulence man always blaming
his mysterious side-kick Captain Invisible.

The problem with being punctual is that no one is ever there to appreciate
it.

The sun came up again today. Mornings seem to work that way.


There is no human problem which could not be solved if people would simply
do as I advise.

There's a crack in everything....that's how the light comes in

There's nothing like unrequited love to take all the taste out of a peanut
butter sandwich.

These are my opinions and only my opinions, unless you share them as well,
which would make them our opinions, but I am not of the opinion that I can
express your opinion as my opinion without your prior expression of said
opinion, and then my re-utterance of that opinion would, in my opinion, be
foolish unless I were expressing agreement to your opinion, and then it
wouldn't be my opinion but your opinion to which I only agree.

They don't dare fire me, I'm too far behind in my work.

This is like deja-vu all over again.

This is precisely the sort of thing that people who like this sort of thing
will like.

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.

This project is so important - we can't let things that are more important
interfere with it.

Time flies like an arrow... Fruit flies like a banana.

To err is human, to moo bovine.

Truce is better than Friction.

Two wrongs do not make a right, but three lefts do.

Veni, Vidi, Velcro. (I came, I saw, I stuck around)

Very funny Scotty. Now beam down my clothes!

We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.

Whatever is not nailed down is mine. What I can pry loose is not nailed
down.

When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by
reducing it to one simple question, How would the Lone Ranger handle
this?""

When everything's coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.

When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not
screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for 'better treatment'? I'd ask
for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you'd
probably be able to get a lot of free games.

Why not have your cake and eat it too? ...it's cake, so what else are you
going to do with it?

Write your questions down on the back of $20 dollar bill and send them to
me.

You can go anywhere you want to - if you look serious and carry a
clipboard.

You can't have everything, where do you think you are going to put it all?
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