Text 517, 122 rader
Skriven 2004-11-24 20:13:46 av Howie Coombe
     Kommentar till en text av Jim Holsonback
Ärende: Re: SPAM
================
Dear Jim, in regards to this message to Wayne Chirnside.

 >  Hello,


G'day,

 > Wayne.


Wayne, Jim.

 > First,


Yes?.

 > something on-topic - - are you still operating a box there with Win3.1X -   
> if so,


Yes?, anyway TTFN.

 > did you ever get ahold of the Workgroup extensions, which will let you      
> network a Win3.1x machine with a Win9x machine via ethernet?? (simple       
> peer-to-peer network). -=> WAYNE CHIRNSIDE wrote to HOWIE COOMBE <=-

 > WC> Attacked by 12 dogs and a cat he's never retaliated so I have to 

 >  I was going to suggest you get a Tazer, but after reading what happened to
poor Tim (see below), maybe not.

 > WC> Owned by skinhead Jimmy Nation "Brutus" is not trained at all and the

 >  If the owner can't control the beast while on a leash, he should get rid of
it, or have it euthanized. <  >

 > WC> Brutus's eyes looked back at Spanky and the pressure on my hand eased 

 >  I think that SOAB might not survive attacking me and my pet a second time.
Second choice - MACE, sprayed directly to the eye and nose area. Third choice -
a boxcutter with retractable blade, kept in back pocket, applied directly to
throat area. If his jaws don't relax before he loses consciousness, pry his
jaws apart later.

 > WC> Of course many who elect to own this breed are irresponsible and have

 >  Agreed. I say such folk should go to jail. Some of them think they are     
> training a watchdog or guard dog, but end up with a dog which is quite      
> prone to attack other animals, children, or even adults.
********************* Subject: The Tazer, the Dogs, and Miss Rachel Dear
Friends and Family, Miss Rachel is fond of saying that my last words on this
earth will be something akin to, "Hey y'all, hold my beer and watch this!"
Well, I have outdone myself once again. Here goes. Last weekend I spied
something at Larry's Pistol and Pawn that tickled my fancy. (Note: Keep in mind
that my "fancy" is easily tickled. Rachel sent me into Publix to pick up some
milk yesterday and I bought a superball in the checkout line--50 cents. What a
bargain! It tickled my fancy--still does. That thing bounces soooooo high, and
it has provided me with hours of entertainment. It just doesn't get any better
than that, now does it?) I'm so easily distracted. That dang superball is so
much fun. So what were we talking about? Oh yeah, I bought something really
cool at Larry's Pistol and Pawn last Saturday. The occasion was our 18th
anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my sweet girl.
What I came across was a 100,000 volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer gun with a
clip. For those of you who are not familiar with this product, it is a
less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal prongs designed to incapacitate an
assailant with a shock of high-voltage, low amperage electricity while you flee
to safety. The effects are supposed to be short lived, with no long-term
adverse affect on your assailant, but allowing you adequate time to retreat to
safety. You simply jab the prongs into your 250 lb. tattooed assailant, push
the button, and it will render him a slobbering, goggle-eyed, muscle-twitching,
whimpering, pencil-neck geek. If you've never seen one of these things in
action, then you're truly missing out--way too cool! Long story short, I bought
the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn
thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was so disappointed. Upon reading the
directions (we don't need no stinkin' directions), I found much to my chagrin
that this particular model would not create an arch between the prongs. How
disappointing! I do love fire for effect. I learned that if I pushed the
button, however, and pressed it against a metal surface that I'd get the blue
arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs that I was so
looking forward to. I did so. Awesome!!! Sparks, a blue arch of electricity,
and a loud pop!!! Yipeeeeee . . . I'm easily amused, just fyi, but I have yet
to explain to Rachel what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave . .
.Hooboy. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that
it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries, etc., etc. There
I sat in my recliner, my Dobies Mako and Zora looking on intently (trusting
little twerps), reading the directions (that would be me, not them), and
thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood
target. I must admit I thought about zapping Mako for a fraction of a second
and thought better of it. She is such a sweet doggy, after all. But, if I was
going to give this thing to Rachel to protect herself against a mugger, I did
want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? Was I wrong
to think that? Seemed reasonable to me at the time. So, there I sat in a pair
of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the
bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, Tazer in another. The directions
said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a
two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a loss of bodily
control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the
ground like a fish out of water. All the while I'm looking at this little
device (measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference, pretty
cute really, and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to
myself, "no friggin' way!" Friggin' way--trust me, but I'm getting ahead of
myself. What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.
Those of you who know me well have got a pretty good idea of what followed. I'm
sitting there alone, Mako and Zora looking on with their heads cocked to one
side as to say, "Don't do it dumbass," reasoning that a one-second burst from
such a tiny lil' ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad (sound, rational thinking
under the circumstances, wouldn't you agree?). I decided to give myself a
one-second burst just for the hell of it. Note: You know, a bad decision is
like hindsight--always twenty-twenty. It is so obvious that it was a bad
decision after the fact, even though it seemed so right at the time. Don't ya
hate that?) I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY
**************!DAaaaauuuuuuMN!!! I'm pretty sure that Jessie Ventura ran in
through the front door, picked me up out of that recliner, then body slammed me
on the carpet over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the
fetal position, nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, soaking wet,
with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position. Mako was standing
over me making whimpering sounds I had never heard before, licking my face,
undoubtedly

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