Text 528, 125 rader
Skriven 2004-11-25 21:25:46 av Howie Coombe
     Kommentar till en text av Jim Holsonback
Ärende: Re: SPAM
================
Dear Jim, in regards to this message to Wayne Chirnside, i will keep tryin to
reply to this.

 > Hello, Wayne.
 > 
 > First, something on-topic - - are you still operating a box there 
 > with
 > Win3.1X - if so, did you ever get ahold of the Workgroup extensions,
 > which will let you network a Win3.1x machine with a Win9x machine 
 > via
 > ethernet?? (simple peer-to-peer network).
 > 
 > -=> WAYNE CHIRNSIDE wrote to HOWIE COOMBE <=-
 > 
 >WC> Attacked by 12 dogs and a cat he's never retaliated so I have to
 >WC> divert or drive off the animals injuring my Pit Bull.
 > 
 > I was going to suggest you get a Tazer, but after reading what 
 > happened
 > to poor Tim (see below), maybe not.
 > 
 >WC> Owned by skinhead Jimmy Nation "Brutus" is not trained at all and
 >WC> the owner had no control of the animal which proceeded to try to
 >WC> kill my dog Spanky.
 > 
 > If the owner can't control the beast while on a leash, he should get 
 > rid
 > of it, or have it euthanized.
 > 
 > <  >
 >WC> Brutus's eyes looked back at Spanky and the pressure on my
 >WC> hand eased and I took the opportunity to get myself and my animal to
 >WC> safety while Brutus dragged it's owner 25 feet down the street
 >WC> snapping, snarling and frothing at the mouth we got clear enough he
 >WC> lost interest.
 >WC> A month later all the holes in the dog were closed up and several
 >WC> months later I got back most of the use of my hand.
 > 
 > I think that SOAB might not survive attacking me and my pet a second
 > time.  Second choice - MACE, sprayed directly to the eye and nose 
 > area.
 > Third choice - a boxcutter with retractable blade, kept in back 
 > pocket,
 > applied directly to throat area.  If his jaws don't relax before he
 > loses consciousness, pry his jaws apart later.
 > 
 >WC> Of course many who elect to own this breed are irresponsible
 >WC> and have no intention of owning a safe and docile animal :-(

 >  Agreed. I say such folk should go to jail. Some of them think they are     
> training a watchdog or guard dog, but end up with a dog which is quite prone
to attack other animals, children, or even adults. *********************
Subject: The Tazer, the Dogs, and Miss Rachel Dear Friends and Family, Miss
Rachel is fond of saying that my last words on this earth will be something
akin to, "Hey y'all, hold my beer and watch this!" Well, I have outdone myself
once again. Here goes. Last weekend I spied something at Larry's Pistol and
Pawn that tickled my fancy. (Note: Keep in mind that my "fancy" is easily
tickled. Rachel sent me into Publix to pick up some milk yesterday and I bought
a superball in the checkout line--50 cents. What a bargain! It tickled my
fancy--still does. That thing bounces soooooo high, and it has provided me with
hours of entertainment. It just doesn't get any better than that, now does it?)
I'm so easily distracted. That dang superball is so much fun. So what were we
talking about? Oh yeah, I bought something really cool at Larry's Pistol and
Pawn last Saturday. The occasion was our 18th anniversary and I was looking for
a little something extra for my sweet girl. What I came across was a 100,000
volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer gun with a clip. For those of you who are not
familiar with this product, it is a less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal
prongs designed to incapacitate an assailant with a shock of high-voltage, low
amperage electricity while you flee to safety. The effects are supposed to be
short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, but allowing
you adequate time to retreat to safety. You simply jab the prongs into your 250
lb. tattooed assailant, push the button, and it will render him a slobbering,
goggle-eyed, muscle-twitching, whimpering, pencil-neck geek. If you've never
seen one of these things in action, then you're truly missing out--way too
cool! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two
triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was so
disappointed. Upon reading the directions (we don't need no stinkin'
directions), I found much to my chagrin that this particular model would not
create an arch between the prongs. How disappointing! I do love fire for
effect. I learned that if I pushed the button, however, and pressed it against
a metal surface that I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and
forth between the prongs that I was so looking forward to. I did so. Awesome!!!
Sparks, a blue arch of electricity, and a loud pop!!! Yipeeeeee . . . I'm
easily amused, just fyi, but I have yet to explain to Rachel what that burn
spot is on the face of her microwave . . .Hooboy. Okay, so I was home alone
with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with
only two triple-a batteries, etc., etc. There I sat in my recliner, my Dobies
Mako and Zora looking on intently (trusting little twerps), reading the
directions (that would be me, not them), and thinking that I really needed to
try this thing out on a flesh and blood target. I must admit I thought about
zapping Mako for a fraction of a second and thought better of it. She is such a
sweet doggy, after all. But, if I was going to give this thing to Rachel to
protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work
as advertised. Am I wrong? Was I wrong to think that? Seemed reasonable to me
at the time. So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand,
Tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and
disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle
spasms and a loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly
make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. All the while
I'm looking at this little device (measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch
in circumference, pretty cute really, and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a
batteries) thinking to myself, "no friggin' way!" Friggin' way--trust me, but
I'm getting ahead of myself. What happened next is almost beyond description,
but I'll do my best. Those of you who know me well have got a pretty good idea
of what followed. I'm sitting there alone, Mako and Zora looking on with their
heads cocked to one side as to say, "Don't do it dumbass," reasoning that a
one-second burst from such a tiny lil' ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad
(sound, rational thinking under the circumstances, wouldn't you agree?). I
decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the hell of it. Note: You
know, a bad decision is like hindsight--always twenty-twenty. It is so obvious
that it was a bad decision after the fact, even though it seemed so right at
the time. Don't ya hate that?) I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed
the button, and HOLY **************!DAaaaauuuuuuMN!!! I'm pretty sure that
Jessie Ventura ran in through the front door, picked me up out of that
recliner, then body slammed me on the carpet over and over again. I vaguely
recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, nipples on fire, testicles
nowhere to be found, soaking wet, with my left arm tucked under my body in the
oddest position. Mako was standing over me making whimpering sounds I had never
heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "Do it again
dumbass, do it again!" (Note: If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself with a
Tazer, one note of caution.

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