Text 11556, 266 rader
Skriven 2007-02-08 20:53:12 av Sean Dennis (1:18/200.0)
Ärende: Some great Food Network
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(NOTE: This has some, uh, strong language in it. This is a direct
quote. I'll try to edit out all I can find, but if a little slips,
sorry. If there's misspellings or grammatical errors, they're mine.)
Anthony Bourdain is a no-nonsense, semi-jerk of a chef that is highly
opinionated and travels a lot for his show "No Reservations" for Food
Network. Maura found this link on the web and I thought I'd share with
with you since he shares the same viewpoints as many of us do about some
of the "chefs" on Food Network...
http://blog.ruhlman.com/2007/02/guest_blogging_.html
===
Guest Blogging: A Bourdain Throwdown
NOBODY ASKED ME, BUT...
By Anthony Bourdain
I actually WATCH Food Network now and again, more often than not drawn
in by the progressive horrors on screen. I find myself riveted by its
awfulness, like watching a multi-car accident in slow motion. Mesmerized
at the ascent of the Ready-Made bobblehead personalities, and the not-so-
subtle shunting aside of the Old School chefs, I find myself de-
constructing the not-terrible shows, imagining behind the scenes
struggles and frustrations, and obsessing unhealthily on the Truly Awful
ones. Screaming out loud at Sandra Lee in disbelief as she massacres
another dish, then sits grinning, her face stretched into a terrifying
rictus of faux cheer for the final triumphant presentation. I mourn for
Mario..and Alton...Bobby and yes--even Emeril, nobly holding the fort
while the TV empire he helped build crumbles like undercooked Bundt cake
into a goo of Cheez Wiz around him.
Some thoughts on the Newer, Younger, More Male-Oriented, More Dumb-A*s
Food Network:
ALTON BROWN: How did Alton slip inside the wire--and stay there all
these years? He must have something on them. HeAs smart. You actually
learn something from his commentary. And I'll admit it: I watch and
enjoy Iron Chef America-in all its cheesy glory. Absolutely SHOCKED and
thrilled when guys like Homaru Cantu show up as contestants--and
delighted when Mario wins--again and again, forestalling his secretly
long-planned execution. His commentary is mostly good. And that collar-
bone snapping fall off the motorcycle on Feasting On Asphalt? Good
television!
EMERIL: I'm actually grateful when I channel surf across his show. He's
STILL there--the original Behemoth. And I STILL find him unwatchable. As
much mileage as IAve gotten over the years, making fun of Emeril; he
deserves a lot more respect than I've given him. He does run a very
successful and very decent restaurant group. He is--in fact--a really
nice guy. And-as much as I hate the show-- compared to the current crop
of culinary non-entities, he looks like Escoffier. He will probably be
the last of the Real Chefs. I'm sure they're growing future replacement
options in petrie dishes somewhere, conducting Top Secret focus groups
at suburban malls with their latest Bright Young Hopeful. I'm just glad
he's still there--a rebuke to the geniuses who brought us such Great
Ideas as Dweezil and Lisa.
BOBBY FLAY: They seem to have noticed Bobby's strong *negatives* among
some viewer responses during focus groups--and decided to respond by
subjecting poor Bobby to THROWDOWN; the object of which is to allow
every web-fingered geek with a backyard grill--or half-mad muffin maker
to proclaim, "I beat Bobby Flay at makin' barbeque!" at the heart-
warming end of show--before returning to tend their meth labs.. I
watched poor Bobby battle to a draw recently in some bogus Southwestern
"Chili Face-Off." Now-does ANYONE actually believe that Bobby Flay can't
make a better chili than a supermarket ground beef bearing amateur? I
don't. It's a cruel exercise in humiliation. A variation on "Dunk Bozo"
or "Shoot The Geek," at the carnival. And whatever I might have thought
of Flay's previous TV efforts, I find the network's misuse of one of
their founding chefs to be nauseatingly cynical. The conspiratorial-
minded might be tempted to suspect this as yet another part of the
Secret Plan to rid themselves of the annoyingly big ticket chefs--by
driving Bobby to quit--or insane with misery. He may not be Mr.
Cuddlesworth, but he's a successful businessman and a good chef--and he
doesn't, after all, need this sh*t.
MARIO!
Oh, Mario! Oh great one! They shut down Molto Mario--only the smartest
and best of the stand-up cooking shows. Is there any more egregiously
under-used, criminally mishandled, dismissively treated chef on
television? Relegated to the circus of Iron Chef America, where--like a
great, toothless lion, fouling his cage, he hangs on--and on--a major
draw (and often the only reason to watch the show). How I would like to
see him unchained, free to make the television shows he's capable of,
the Real Mario--in all his Rabelasian brilliance. How I would love to
hear the snapping bones of his cruel FN ringmasters, crunching between
his mighty jaws! Let us see the cloven hooves beneath those cheery
clogs! Let Mario be Mario!
THAT ACE OF CAKES GUY: Hey-He's got talent! And..he seems to be a
trained chef! And heAs really making food--and selling it in a real
business! I think-I like it! If I have one reservation, it's that I have
no idea if the stuff actually TASTES good. It LOOKS really creative and
quirky--and IAm interested butaI mean...it's like construction going on
over there from what weAre told and shown. One suspects that the
producers donAt want to waste valuable time talking about anything so
technical as food--on oFoodo Network. I mean...whatAs in those cakes,
beneath the icing and marzipan and fondant? That said, itAs the only
okicky, new, cutting edge, in-your-faceo hopeful theyAve managed to trot
out of any quality in memory. Hope it lasts. Wait till they try and put
the poor bastard on a pony--or do a oTailgate Specialo with the usual
suspects. Or a oThanksgiving Specialo where he has to sit down with the
bobbleheads and pretend to like it. On balance, itAs still probably the
best new project theyAve come up with in a long, long time.
GIADA: WhatAs going on here!? Giada can actually cook! She was robbed in
her bout versus Rachael Ray on ICA. ROBBED! And Food Net seems more
interested in her enormous head (big head equals big ratings. Really!)
and her cleavage--than the fact that sheAs likeable, knows what sheAs
doing in an Italian kitchen--and makes food youAd actually want to eat.
The new high concept Weekend Getaway show is a horrible, tired re-cap of
the cheap-ass oBest Ofo and o40 Dollar a Dayo formula. Send host to
empty restaurant. Watch them make crappy food for her. Have her take a
few lonely, awkward stabs at the plate, then feign enjoyment with
appropriately orgasmic eye-closing and moaning..Before spitting it out
and rushing to the trailer. Send her to Italy and let her cook. SheAs
good at it.
RACHAEL: Complain all you want. ItAs like railing against the pounding
surf. She only grows stronger and more powerful. Her ear-shattering
tones louder and louder. We KNOW she canAt cook. She shrewdly tells us
so. So...what is she selling us? Really? SheAs selling us satisfaction,
the smug reassurance that mediocrity is quite enough. SheAs a friendly,
familiar face who appears regularly on our screens to tell us that oEven
your dumb, lazy ass can cook this!o Wallowing in your own crapulence on
your Cheeto-littered couch you watch her and think, oHellaI could do
that. I ainAt gonnaabut I could--if I wanted! Now whereAs my damn jug a
Diet Pepsi?o Where the saintly Julia Child sought to raise expectations,
to enlighten us, make us better--teach us--and in fact, did, Rachael
uses her strange and terrible powers to narcotize her public with her
hypnotic mantra of Yummo and Evoo and Sammys. oYouAre doing just fine.
You donAt even have to chop an onion--you can buy it already chopped.
Aspire to nothingaJust sit there. Have another TriscuitaSleepa.sleepa.o
PAULA DEEN: IAm reluctant to bash what seems to be a nice old lady. Even
if her supporting cast is beginning to look like the Hills Have Eyes--
and her food a True Buffet of Horrors. A recent Hawaii show was
indistinguishable from an early John Waters film. And the food on a par
with the last scene of Pink Flamingos. But IAd like to see her mad. Like
her look-alike, Divine in the classic, oFemale Trouble.o Paula Deen on a
Baltimore Killing Spree would be something to see. Let her get Rachael
in a headlock--and itAs all over.
SANDRA LEE: Pure evil. This frightening Hell Spawn of Kathie Lee and
Betty Crocker seems on a mission to kill her fans, one meal at a time.
She Must Be Stopped. Her death-dealing can-opening ways will cut a swath
of destruction through the world if not contained. I would likely be
arrested if I suggested on television that any children watching should
promptly go to a wooded area with a gun and harm themselves. WhatAs the
difference between that and Sandra suggesting we fill our mouths with
Ritz Crackers, jam a can of Cheez Wiz in after and press hard? None that
I can see. This is simply irresponsible programming. Its only possible
use might be as a psychological warfare strategy against the resurgent
Taliban--or dangerous insurgent groups. A large-racked blonde repeatedly
urging Afghans and angry Iraqis to stuff themseles with fatty, processed
American foods might be just the weapon we need to win the war on
terror.
AND FINALLY: Some IRON CHEF AMERICA match-ups IAd REALLY like to see:
* Mario Batali (with one arm tied behind his back--and drunk) vs.
Regina Schrambling
* Michael Ruhlman, swacked on Ripple, vs. John Mariani-- in a
Charcuterie Challenge
* Grant Achatz vs. That Guy In Australia Who Ripped off his recipes
as his own
* Marco Pierre White vs. Gordon Ramsay
* Charlie Trotter vs. Martin Picard (Chicken Livers vs. Foie Gras)
* Chris Cosentino, Fergus Henderson, Martin Picard vs. Alain
Passard, Roxanne Klein and Charlie Trotter (Cooked vs. Raw Challenge)
* Martha Stewart vs. Rachael Ray (bare knuckle cage match)
* Ducasse vs. Robuchon
* oMikeyo from Top Chef vs. Sandra Lee
Video Gold!
===
Later,
Sean
MMMMM----- Recipe via Meal-Master (tm) v8.06
Title: Kai's Spinach Pie Recipe
Categories: Low-fat, Main dish, Pies, Cheese
Yield: 4 Servings
2 pk Fresh spinach
1 pk Fresh mushrooms
1 lg Onion
5 Egg whites
Cheese
1 ts Pepper
8 oz HEALTHY CHOICE FAT FREE
Grated cheddar cheese
8 oz HEALTHY CHOICE FAT FREE
Grated mozzarella
1 Box Phyllo Dough
Remove stems from spinach and wash.
Cut onions and saute in water until tender.
Wash and slice mushrooms and add to the onions (cook until all water
evaporates).
Remove onions & mushrooms from heat a put in a large bowl.
Saute spinach in water tossing frequently until all liquid
evaporates.
Mix onions/mushrooms & spinach together in bowl & make sure onions
and mushrooms are evenly distributed throughout the spinach.
Beat egg whites lightly Add grated cheese to egg mixture and mix
thoroughly Add spinach mixture to egg and cheese mixture and stir
until mixed well.
CRUST: Phyllo pastry dough is that thin very flaky crust used in many
Greek spinach pies and pastries such as baklava. It has only a trace
of fat and I have now seen lemon meringue pie & pumpkin pie recipes
that are using phyllo dough for the crust to cut the fat content in
the pies 50% fat to 8%
Phyllo can be found in the frozen food section of any supermarket.
The box is long, like a spaghetti box. The dough is paper thin and
you use many layers. I use a rectangular glass baking dish, sprayed
lightly with PAM.
Quickly layer 5-7 sheets on the bottom of the dish spraying each
layer lightly with Pam.
Then put half of your spinach mixture on top.
Put another 5-7 sheets of Phyllo.
Then the last of your spinach mixture.
Top with 10 to 15 sheets of phyllo, sprayed lightly with Pam
between each layer.
Remove any excess dough around the edges.
Moisten your fingertips and seal around the edges like a normal pie
crust.
Spray top lightly with Pam.
Using a sharp knife cut through the top layer in the pattern you
want. (ie: I cut rectangular patter that is the size of the pieces I
will ultimately cut.) In the Greek desert, Baklava they cut diamond
shapes.
Bake in 400-425 degree oven for 30 minutes.
WARNING: Phyllo dough is sooooo thin it is a little hard to work with
because it dries out in about 2 seconds and sticks together . There
are hints on the box on how to keep it moist.
Use HEALTHY CHOICE FAT FREE grated cheeses. Their cheese is real
cheese made with skim milk, it tastes and melts the same (at least
in this recipe) as high fat cheeses which is not true for other brand
name Fat Free Cheeses I have tried.
Date: Mon, 31 Jan 94 08:10:00 EST From: "Shanks, Mira L."
<MLM6@NCH08A.EM.CDC.GOV>
Converted to MM format by Dale & Gail Shipp, Columbia Md.
From: Dale Shipp Date: 09-30-97 (12:12) The Once
And Future Legend (1) Cooking
MMMMM
X CMPQwk 1.42 16554 XAnd God said: E = 2mv2 - Ze2/r, and there was light!
--- Maximus/2 3.01
* Origin: Outpost BBS - bbs.outpostbbs.net (1:18/200)
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