Text 24933, 102 rader
Skriven 2009-06-13 21:01:00 av JIM WELLER (1:123/140)
     Kommentar till en text av SEAN DENNIS
Ärende: Stuff White People like
===============================
-=> Quoting Sean Dennis to Jim Weller <=-

 SD> I enjoyed going to the nearest Trader
 SD> Joe's in midtown Atlanta and I always felt like a fish out of water! 
 SD> Most of the people in there were trying to buy food to impress other
 SD> people, I think.

They have some cool stuff and it's fun to experiment but you can do
that without being all pretentious about it.

 SD> I didn't buy too much of anything else there
 SD> because, well, why pay extra for stuff you could cheaper that didn't
 SD> have some fancy brand name on it?

The quality is often better than equivalent chain store stuff. I
shop up market when I can but I hunker down to beans and rice, pork,
cabbage and potatoes when I'm overdrawn, which has been almost all
the time since last October, when the global credit crisis and stock
market crash started to affect the diamond mines and Yellowknife
housing.

 SD> That being said, we also liked going to Harry's (now Whole Foods) and
 SD> other organic places...you could find some neat fruit and veggies there
 SD> that were harder to find.  Whole Foods has a huge chocolate section
 SD> that we'd always stop at when we went there.

Ah ha. You're not totally redneck hill billy after all.  [g]

More Stuff White People Like: Hummus

When it comes to food, all white people are either allergic to/or
have stopped eating everything you consider delicious.  It's a good
idea to come to grips with the concept, because it will save you a
lot of headaches.

But when white people come to your house, you are forced to deal
with the problem in a very real, very immediate sense.  You will be
trapped with their dietary restrictions and they will be trapped
with the contents of your kitchen.  You can mediate this situation
by stocking your pantry with dozens of complicated and expensive
snacks.  Or you could take the easy way out and just buy a tub of
hummus.

All white people like hummus.  In fact, if you find a white person
who does not like hummus then they probably just haven't tasted it
or they are the wrong kind of white person.  In either case, they
are probably not someone that you want to know.

Putting out a plate of hummus and pita makes white people very
comfortable.  It reminds them of home since at any given time a
white person has hummus in their fridge.  Even the most barren white
refrigerator will have a package of the stuff next to an empty Brita
filter.

White people are also relieved when they see hummus because they
recognize the contents immediately.

Though you would never be able to guess it by their actions, white
people are very concerned with perceived as "annoying" or "that guy"
who has to ask about the ingredients of everything they eat. However
great their concern over this, they are still more afraid of being
"that guy" that eats High Fructose Corn Syrup or pork.

Familiarize yourself with this information as it will play itself
out every time you try to pick a restaurant with a white person.

You: "Let's get Chinese food" White Person #1: "Um, yeah, last time
I was there I tried to ask the waitress if they used any pork stock
in the preparation of the vegetables and she didn't really give me a
response that makes me comfortable eating there again."

By providing your guests with a plate of hummus, you can guarantee
that you won't have to have this infuriating conversation in your
own home.  But that doesn't mean you are safe.  To cover all your
bases, it is always a good idea keep some Gluten free crackers in
your pantry.

That way if you bring out a plate of hummus and pita and discover
that one of the white people cannot eat gluten, then you are ready
to pull off a truly incredible move.

First, pretend not to understand why the person cannot eat wheat.
Then go back to the kitchen and return with the gluten-free
crackers.  Everyone will be impressed by your ability to psych out
people with food allergies.

Wait one week and relive the story with different white people, it
will make them laugh and secretly wish to be invited to your next
hummus eating party.



Cheers

YK Jim


... What the hell is Hummus?

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