Text 31078, 148 rader
Skriven 2012-11-17 19:57:38 av Ruth Haffly (1:396/45.28)
  Kommentar till text 31019 av MICHAEL LOO (1:123/140)
Ärende: nursing homes 567                                        [1]
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Hi Michael,


 RH> up the suggestion that he's now thinking of a nursing home for Mom.
 RH> His thought, tho, if he did, it would kill her.

 ML> I doubt that, especially if her awareness of her surroundings
 ML> is dimming.

I understand that the whole time she was in the hospital/rehab for her
hip she never fully understood why she was there. We'd noticed memory
issues when we were visiting over the last few years but the broken hip
seemed to bring on even more. That's why Nancy & I were half wondering
if a stroke might have been a contributing factor, and explain the major
loss of memory that has occured.


 ML>  Might do her a world of
 RH> good and right now it's killing him to do all he is doing.

 ML> That's almost as important.

We know it, but try and convince him. Dad still thinks it's his job to
take care of Mom but he is seeing that it might be better to turn it
over to those that can better do so.

 ML>  Plus, having
 RH> Mom still in the house, she is a hazard to both of them. He has aged so
 RH> much since Mom broke her hip, more so since she came home from the
 RH> hospital. He's her primary caregiver and it's really taking a toll on
 RH> him.

 ML> When a partnership becomes one-way in any endeavor, well, I
 ML> feel sorry for you all, though it eventually happens in most
 ML> lives and loves. But he has to do it, more power to him.

It's the getting him to accept the fact that he can't do it that is the
hard part. I think tho, that as he continues doing what he is doing, he
will come to the point eventually where he will just break down and do
it.

 JW> Here's a thought: most places, if they have vacancies, welcome short
 JW> term visits. That way they can check out several places with trial
 JW> runs to see what they're really like, your dad gets breaks when he
 JW> needs them and your mom can look forward to coming home after a
 JW> brief visit, knowing she's not making a permanent commitment, just a
 JW> "vacation". And she may decide she likes one enough to make it
 JW> permanent later on without complaint.
 RH> Sounds like a good idea but a place has to be found before it is tried
 RH> out. It's been years since I lived in the area so I really don't know
 RH> what's available in the village where they live or close by. I know
 RH> there are some further away (about 45 miles) but it's a drive Dad
 RH> wouldn't want to make every day.

 ML> When you make a site visit, note the eating situation. Are
 ML> the residents happy with what they get? Would you be happy
 ML> eating what they get? As mealtime becomes the most focused
 ML> on part of life (not that it isn't already for some of us),
 ML> this becomes incredibly important. We noticed this with
 ML> Billy - the quality of the food, even though we did get to
 ML> bring stuff, did a lot to color his experience and aid or
 ML> hinder his convalescence.

If we get to make a site visit; that's the big question right now. We
are planning to make a trip up north early next year but have no idea
right now of what the situation will be when we do go. I do think moving
Mom would help remove the thoughts she still has that she has to do the
cooking; Dad has to give her little tasks to make her think that she's
helping without having her do any of the actual cooking. I know she
would eat a better for her diabetes diet than she does at home, and
maybe some things she would like but Dad doesn't.

 ML>  He has mentioned that if she were to
 RH> go into an assisted living place, he would go with her.

 ML> This probably works - maybe adjacent units? I've seen
 ML> several couples who have done this, so one would be there
 ML> when needed, and when the weaker one had to be transferred
 ML> to a 24-hour-care facility, the other didn't have to move
 ML> but could instead visit as wanted.

That's the thought. Finding the right place would be a challenge.
They've lived in that town for 61 years and in that house (Dad built it)
for almost 56 years. We're going to have quite the job going thru it at
some point.

 ML> ==

 RH> The other day Steve was talking with an Afghani friend about food. the
 RH> friend mentioned he liked lamb with onions and garlic, with spinach
 RH> wilted over it. We had some lamb in the freezer so tonight I small cut

 ML> I've never had the spinach wilted over it but rather cooked
 ML> into the sauce, which I like much. There is a loose knit
 ML> "chain" of Afghan restaurants run by various members of the
 ML> Karzai family (i.e., well connected) of which I've been to
 ML> ones in Cambridge and San Francisco and maybe one othe place,
 ML> and lamb and spinach usually appears on the table along with
 ML> the now almost stereotypical kaddo bowlani, see below
 ML> (diabetics, beware this recipe, because if you cut out the
 ML> sugar you get something completely different and I believe
 ML> inauthentic).

I just piled the spinach on top, then after it cooked down, stirred it
in. Didn't make any real sauce, just thickened the beef stock I'd cooked
the lamb, onions & garlic in.

 RH> about a pound and a half, sliced one and a half onions and minced
 RH> about 5 cloves of garlic. Browned the meat, onions and garlic, then
 RH> added a couple of cups of beef broth (made from Better than Bullion)
 RH> and about 2 tablespoons of schwarma seasoning. Let that cook for about
 RH> an hour, covered, then added about half a pound of washed and torn up
 RH> spinach leaves. That was cooked covered for a few minutes, then
 RH> uncovered to let the liquid thiccken/reduce for a few minutes. Served
 RH> it over steamed brown rice with plain Greek yogurt stirred into each
 RH> portion (about 2 tablespoons per portion). Steve said it could be made
 RH> again and he's going to tell his friend what I did. Wonder how close to
 RH> his dish I got. (G)

 ML> Sounds good, as schwarma seasoning is just the usual middle
 ML> eastern sweet spices plus maybe some cumin, which I figure
 ML> would go well in this dish, even though in my experience it
 ML> isn't a regular (or perhaps wasn't used in this kind of dish
 ML> in the Karzai family compound).

It was good. Steve told his friend about it & I got the impression it
was close to what he was trying to describe. It was pretty diabetic
friendly too. I think next time I'll double the spinach tho.

 ML> Pumpkin Kaddo
 ML> cat: starter, Afghan
 ML> servings: 6 or 9

I think I'd use just a light sprinkle of brown sugar on the pumpkin,
don't want it too sweet. Otherwise, looks like it would be good--and
spicy. (G)


---
Catch you later,
Ruth
rchaffly{at}earthlink{dot}net  FIDO 1:396/45.28


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