Text 1209, 137 rader
Skriven 2005-02-14 02:07:12 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: Dear Manabby
========================
GS> GS> GP> I would be most grateful for any advice anyone could give on this
  >   >   > matter of deep concern to me.
  >   >   > For sometime now I've suspected that my wife may be having an affai
  >   >   > You know the sort of thing. The phone rings, I answer, someone
  >   >   > hang up.
  >   >  G-day George Pope, kick the sheila's ass out the door Mate!! '-)
  >
  >       George Pope was saying F unny stuff to  GREG SEARS  
  >
  >  GP> Did you read the entire joke to see what the REAL request-for-advice
  >    > wasa?
  >
  >      G-day Mate, sure, and did yas kick her out? '-)

         George Pope was saying F unny stuff to  GREG SEARS  

 GP> I guess you didn't, cuz the real question was how to fix the car!

          G-day Mate, the real answer is no sheila cheats on the I C E-man!
                                        the ^^^^^^ is out the fuckin door! '-) 
       

> OBJoke: for our Moderator and all-round friend/servant

I worked for a bit in the coastguard in Wales and I used to send weather
reports to other bases, using a sort of antique FAX machine.  I would
call first on a special telephone and then send the data.

They used to answer the phone with:
" Epicentre of the Universe, God speaking."
" Hartland home for lost whores."  (that was Hartland CG)
" Da, zis iz Ivan: do you have zee secret information, Boris?"
" Pentagon command: transmit destruct sequence (pause) sequence correct:
  T minus one minute and counting"

And then there was one phone we didn't use, with a number one off that
of the local take-out.  With my, non-British, accent I had some great
fun with that phone.

"Starship Enterprise, Uhura here, can you hold please?  -- Captain,
there is a transmission coming in on hailing frequency seven, do you
want it on screen?"
(silence...click)

"Vancouver coastguard, may I help you."  British long distance rates are
phenomenonal and I had this poor dude sputtering with horror that he had
managed to make a long distance call by dialing five digits.

> OBJokes: for Mr. <+]::-) ("Cyberpope")

   ----------

This is not an answering machine--this is a telepathic thought recording
device.  After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling,
and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your
call.

   ----------

Thanks for calling Dial-An-Asshole.  Right now, all our assholes are
busy. After the tone, leave your name and number, and we'll have an
asshole return your call as soon as possible.

   ----------

I can't come to the phone now because alien beings are eating my brain.
Leave a message anyway, and after the alien beings assume my shape,
one of them will get back to you.

   ----------

Thank you for calling Santa's workshop.  Santa can't come to the phone
right now, and the elves are out back barbecuing Blitzen.  After the
tone, please your Christmas list, and maybe we'll get back to you!

   ----------

C'mon...you can do it...just a little one.  That's the way...just a
little beep, just a little one.  C'mon...good boy...here we go...like
this--beeeeep, just a little one, beeeeeeeeeep, c'mon...There you go!

   ----------

Andy Warhol said that one day everyone will be famous for 15 minutes.
Well, your 15 minutes was last week, but since you weren't ready, we
gave it to Vanna White.  Sorry.

   ----------

A bubble in the space-time continuum has connected your line to a
channeler in the 23rd Century.  Any message you leave will be broadcast
into the future....

   ----------

I can't come to the phone right now because I'm down in the basement
printing up a fresh new batch of 20 dollar bills.  If you need any
money, or if you just want to check out my handiwork, please leave your
name number, and how much cash you need after the tone.  If you're from
the Department of the Treasury, please ignore this message.

   ----------

Kemosabe no in tipi now.  You leave'um message after little smoke
signal, and Kemosabe get back for pow-wow real fast.

   ----------

[VOICE 1]  Answer the phone, please, Hal.
[VOICE 2]  I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do that.

   ----------

[For Shakespeare lovers only]
So long as phones can ring and eyes can see,
So leave a message, and I'll get back to thee.

   ----------

[Carefully modulated English accent, like Alex in _A Clockwork Orange_]
Oh, my brothers and only droogs, your poor narrator's not in now- he's
out on his oddy-nocky looking for a bit of pretty polly--some young
devotchka with horrorshow grooties.  Leave thy message after the malinky
beepie



                                    ---     ======
         \   Cheers  \              \~~\_____o_\__ |
         <==from the==>-------------<_____======__}>
         / I C E-man /               v        \ /  |
                                               O

... George Pope. . . . Said that 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2?

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