Text 1483, 125 rader
Skriven 2005-03-30 14:07:04 av James Bradley (1:134/77.0)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: [2/2] last batch Texaco
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 >>> Part 2 of 2...

Q: Where does Virgin Wool come from???
A: Ugly Sheep...

Q: Why dont Kiwis take their girlfriends to the cricket?
A: They keep jumping the fence and eating the grass!

Q: How do Kiwi's spell sheep?
A: They leave them alone for a month...

Q: Whats the definition of Humiliation?
A: A Kiwi being invited to dinner and you serve him a Roast Lamb...



Why do seagulls fly over Australia upside down?
 So they can save it for NZ.

What do you call three New Zealanders on a hill?
 A flock.

Why are all the walls in New Zealand one meter above the ground?
 So the sheep have nowhere to hide.

What is geographically wrong with New Zealand?
 It's above sea-level.

What's culturally wrong with New Zealand?
 They're all half sheep.

Rumour has it that the intrepid New Zealanders have
finally discovered two new uses for sheep:
 Meat and wool.

Why isn't there a U in QANTAS?
 Because Air New Zealand has them all.

Why do NZ horses run so fast?
 They saw what happened to the sheep.

Why are all the sheep migrating from Australia to New Zealand?
 They'd rather be raped than shot.

What's the latest fashion accessory in NZ?
 Velcro gloves.

Why are sheep in NZ paraded arse first?
 So they can be recognised by their owners.

What do you call a New Zealander with ten girlfriends?
 A shepherd.

Why did god invent NZ women?
 Because sheep can't cook.

What's the latest accessory for NZ sheep?
 Rear view mirrors.

What do you call a New Zealander with a sheep under one arm and a goat
under the other?
 Bisexual.

What is ``The Silence of the Lambs'' about?
 Child abuse in New Zealand.

This Kiwi bloke was down in the paddock f***ing his favourite sheep,
when an Aussie comes up and yells ``Hey, mate, we shear those things back
home.''
Puffing and panting, the Kiwi turns around and snaps
``You go to hell! I'm not shearing this one with anyone!''

Ahhhh New Zealand: a land of wind swept cliffs, where the men are horny,
the women are deprived, and the sheep are nervous.

Why do New Zealand shepherds wear long flowing robes?
 Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away!

If you pointed a canon down the main street of a town in New Zealand,
and fired it, you wouldn't hit anyone and, if you did, you would be doing
him a favour.

What is the capital of New Zealand?
 About $10.

What happens to the average intelligence of the respective countries when
a New Zealander moves to Australia?
 They both go down.

Who was it who wrote ``I'll Never Find Another You''? The Carpenters, maybe?
Anyway, whoever it was obviously had New Zealand in mind when they wrote it.
   But if I should lose your love, dear, I don't know what I'll do,
   Cause I know I'll never find another ewe.

What's the difference between a computer and a NZlander?
 You only have to punch the information into the computer once!

On a flight from LA to New Zealand, I heard the captain announce, ``Ah,
ladies and gentlemen, we're about to start our final descent into
Auckland.  Please fasten your seatbelts, and don't forget to set your
watches back 20 years!''



Your Moderator and all-round friend/servant,
|<+]::-) ("Cyberpope")
Internet: gapope@vcn.bc.ca
1)If you don't like a joke, post 2-3 examples of what you DO like!
B)If you DO like a joke, say thank-you with 2-3 jokes of your own! :)

(AKA the Bishop of ROM!)

... nfx v3.1                                                                 

-!- EzyQwk V2.01b005 00F90260
 ! Origin: Milky Way, Langley, BC, 604-532-4367 (1:153/307)
======================================================================


... Bisexual: Kiwi with a sheep under one arm, and a goat under the other.

___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.20

--- Maximus 3.01
 * Origin: -=-= Calgary Oraganization (403) 242-3221 (1:134/77)