Text 1482, 210 rader
Skriven 2005-03-30 14:06:02 av James Bradley (1:134/77.0)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: [1/2] last batch Texaco
===============================
 >>> Part 1 of 2...

Ah, George...

Found this in TAGLINE, and thought you might have mistaken it for here. Couple
of duplicate punchlines to be sure, but I did get one tagline out of it. <G+See
bottom>

Which reminds me:

Aussie... OK, I'll make him a Kiwi - returns to work after a long weekend, and
around the lunch table asks his coworker what he did for the past three days.

"Ah, just fucked the dog." was the reply.

Astonished, the Kiwi asks for confirmation, whence he hears, "Basically, I just
hung out at home, and watched some TV... You know basically fucked the dog."

The Kiwi starts turning white as a sheet, and gasps, "I've had a couple of goes
at a sheep now and then, but I can't get over how you brag about it!"


== Forwarded Message Follows =========================================

 * Originally By: George Pope
 * Originally To: James Bradley
 * Originally Re: last batch
 * Original Date: 03-29-05  14:22
 * Original Area: Taglines
 * Forwarded by : Blue Wave/386 v2.20

JB> D'ya ever notice the Ice, and George never post at the 
JB> same time of day? <G

Didn't realize anyone felt the need to prove that Greg & I are not the same
person, but thanks for taking care of it!

It's been a long time since I've picked on New Zealand, so here goes. . .


An Aussie, a Yank and a Kiwi were walking through a paddock when they came
to a sheep stuck in a fence.

"Jeez I wish it was Elle," said the Aussie.
"Jeez I wish it was Cindy Crawford," drawled the Yank.
"Jeez I wish it was dark," replied the Kiwi...
___------------------------------------
A lion in the London Zoo was lazing in the sun and licking it's arse when a
visitor turned to the zoo keeper and said, "that's a docile old thing isn't
it"

"No way," said the zoo keeper, "it is the most ferocious beast in the zoo.
Why just an hour ago it dragged an New Zealand tourist into the cage and
completely devoured him."

"Hardly seems possible," said the astonished visitor, "but why is he lying
there licking his arse?"

"The poor thing is trying to get the taste out of his mouth." said the
keeper.
___------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a kiwi with a sheep under one arm and a goat under the
   other Arm?
A: BiSexual

Q: How can you tell if a Kiwi has been in your fridge?
A: There are love bites on the leg of lamb!

Q: What do kiwi's use for after shave ?
A: Mint sauce!!

Q: What do you call a kiwi with 5 sheep ?
A: A pimp!!
___------------------------------------
When their car broke down a Jew, an Indian and an Australian knocked on a
farmers door to ask for accomodation for the night.

"One will have to sleep in the barn," said the farmer.

"I will," said the Jew.

But five minutes later there was a knock on the door.

"There's a pig in the barn," said the Jew.

"Okay, I'll go," said the Indian.

Five minutes later there was a knock on the door.

"There's an un-sacred cow in the barn," he said.

"I'll go" said the Australian.

Five minutes later there was yet another knock on the door. It was the pig
and the cow.
___------------------------------------
A kiwi was stalking through a forest in a national park carrying a knapsack
when he was apprehended by a park ranger. Right open the sack and lets see
what you've got in there, Demanded the ranger.

Reluctantly the hunter opened up to reveal a number of wood pigeons.

Wood pigeons are protected species in this park said the ranger. But I
didn't get them here replied the hunter I got them down the road about a
100km's away.

Let me see them said the ranger and quick as a flash he picked up one of the
birds, Inserted his finger into it's anus and withdrew a yellow substance,
You've lying he said. This bird definitely comes from this forest, I'll have
to give you a fine, Where do you live asked the ranger.

At this the kiwi dropped his daks turned around and chucked a brown eye at
the ranger, You're the bloody expert said the kiwi, Find out for yourself...


Q. What goes"303,304.305,hello darling.307,308..."???
A. A kiwi farmer counting his sheep...
___------------------------------------
This Australian goes travelling through NZ anddecides to take a walk through
a park in Wellington.  On doing this, he notices a local sitting on a park
bench, passionately kissing a sheep.  Perplexed, the Aussie asks "hey mate,
do you shear her?" and the Kiwi replies "no, git yer own!"
___------------------------------------
One bright and early afternoon a ventriloquist was walking through a field
when he encountered an Kiwi grazing his cow, horse and sheep. The man smiled
at the Kiwi and asked, How are you doing today Mr Kiwi? The Kiwi smiled and
said, He was fine.

The man then turned to the cow and asked, And how are you doing today Mr
Cow?  The Kiwi got a puzzled look on his face and said, Cow no talk. The man
threw his voice at the cow saying, Oh, I'm o.k., but sometimes this Kiwi's
hands are cold when he tries to milk me. The Kiwi's eyes grew wide.

Then the man turned to the horse and asked, And how are you doing today Mr
Horse? The Kiwi once again looked at the man and said, Horse no talk. The
man threw his voice again, saying, Oh, I'm o.k., but sometimes when this
Kiwi is riding me he hits me awful hard. The Kiwi's eyes grew even wider.

Finally, the man looked to the sheep and asked, And how are you doing today
Mr Sheep? The Kiwi quickly shouted, Sheep lie! Sheep lie!
___------------------------------------
Q: Why do New Zealand horses run so fast?
A: They've seen what happens to the sheep!

Q: How can you tell the kiwi in an ugg boot shop?
A: The one with an erection!

Q: How do you get a successful small business in New Zealand?
A: Start with a successful Big Business!
___------------------------------------
I'm not saying New Zealand is small, but I have a friend who lives there,
who's phone number is shorter than the international dialing code!  I hear
that the southern island has just been re-carpeted!
___------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a sheep in a kiwi's backyard???
A: A RIDE-ON lawnmower...

Q: Whats the smallest muscle in a sheep???
A: A Kiwi's prick...

Q: Why is new Zealand's grass so green???
A: Cos all the fucking kiwis are standing on ours...

Q: Why do kiwi's use gumboots on there sheep???
A: It stops the sheep from running away...
___------------------------------------
At a roadside stall in the outback an Aboriginal artist was carving wooden
statues.

A passing tourist stopped for a look. He was most impressed.

"Hey, these are great" he said. "What's that one?"

"That's an Aussie," said the Aborigine. "And the one next to it is a Pom and
that one's a yank."

"Why don't you carve a Kiwi?" asked the tourist.

The Aborigine shrugged and said "Can't find a piece of wood thick enough."
___------------------------------------
This Aussie guy is walking down a New Zealand road when he spots a Kiwi
farmer screwing the life out of a sheep in adjoining paddock. "Oi, mate!"
The Aussie shouts out, "Shouldn't you be shearing that sheep?!"

To which the Kiwi replies, "Piss orf, git ya own!"
___------------------------------------
Another guy in New Zealand is wandering around. One day the guy notices all
the other guys standing around in a field actually screwing the sheep.

"Well, if you can't beat em, join em!" he thinks, and hops the fence, grabs
a sheep and starts going at it.

Everybody else starts laughing. "What's so funny?" he asks, "You guys  are
all screwing sheep, too!"

"Yeah," says one of the guys, "but you got the UGLY one!"
___------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a kiwi with 40 lovers???
A: A Shepherd...

Q: What do you call four sheep tied to a post???
A: A Leisure Centre...


 >>> Continued to next message...

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