Text 1618, 189 rader
Skriven 2005-04-08 14:48:56 av George Pope (1:153/307.11)
   Kommentar till text 1569 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
Ärende: Place to see.
=====================
On (07 Apr 05) Greg Sears wrote to George Pope...
 GS>    > Have a look-see here! '-)
 GS>    > http://unix.rulez.org/~calver/pictures/stupid_users/index.html

 GS>   G-day George Pope, it's many pictures of hacker/owners upgrading
 GS> thier
 GS>   machines themselves in some very wonderful/stupid ways. ;-)

I think you, or someone else, sent that to my email before I quit my
cable net!

Rhymes, eh?

THE TOP 15 REJECTED MOTHER'S DAY CARDS (Part 1)

15. I love you when you're happy.
        I love you when you're sad.
    I love you though you told me,
        The milkman is my dad.

14. Roses are red, my childhood was blue.
    Get out of my basement -- Your rent is past due.

13. The cards in the store
         Were just too full of sex,
    But I thought, "What the hell."
         Love, Oedipus Rex

12. There once was a woman named Mother,
    Who always did favor my brother.
        But now that he's dead,
        Mother senses with dread
    That *her* nursing home's worse than the others.

11. You stood up to my father's kin,
         their many threats of extortion.
    Thanks for having me, Mother Dear,
         instead of an abortion.

10. Dear Mom, in your Mother's Day card,
    Is a question that you may find hard:
        If Dad went astray,
        If he left, as you say,
    Who's that buried in the back yard?

 9. Mom you're so great, Mom you're so cool.
    Please don't send me, to an Arkansas school.

 8. I know my Mom's a test tube.
    I'm a sheep, not an ignorant rube.
        No real Mom could be better,
        She'd just wind up a sweater,
    Adorning some debutante's boobs.

 7. When I was born, you became a mom,
        and gave me lots of joy and lovin'.
    But now, I need to come back home --
        I've got my *own* bun in the oven.

 6. For my (almost) Fifth Stepmother:
        Congrats to you, my almost-Mom,
            You've nearly won the war...
        Unlike all the other tramps
            Dad picks up in the bar!

 5. I'm going to Denmark, Mother, Dear,
        For some changes of which you'll learn.
    You always wanted a little girl --
        Well, you'll have one when I return.

 4. Your girlish figure disappears,
        With each bite that you chew.
    You now look worse in lingerie,
        Than dear old Uncle Lou.

 3. You've lovingly looked after me
        Since I was just a baby,
    So now I don't resent the fact
        That both my moms are ladies.

 2. I think of you, dear Mother,
        as I'm in my cell, alone,
    And miss the way you always made
        our crack house a crack home.

 1. You probably won't even listen,
        You may still think, "How *could* he?"
    But no card's as heartfelt as this 'un.
        Best wishes, Soon-Yi and Woody.

[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc. ]
[ The Top Five List   top5@walrus.com   http://www.topfive.com ]
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THE TOP 15 REJECTED MOTHER'S DAY CARDS (Part 2)

15. We hate the day care lady, Mom,
        gray hair sprouts from each ear.
    Won't you keep us home with you,
        and ditch that damned career?

14. Here's a little bottle,
        for you on Mother's Day.
    You certainly do drink a lot
        since Daddy went away.

13. I want to be just like you, Mom,
        so pretty and full of class.
    So I, too, will bed the president,
        and then I'll sue his ass.

12. Show you love me, Mother,
        though I made a bad decision.
    Steal a semi, ram the fence,
        and break me out of prison.

11. I was a happy little girl,
        now all I do is cry.
    You caused all my neuroses, Mom --
        you raised me as a *guy.*

10. There once was a mother named Mom,
    Who had a great son, named Tom.
        He sent flowers her way,
        For each Mother's Day.
    So can you loan me a grand?

 9. What is a mother?
       Soother of boo-boos,
       Singer of lullabies,
       Confidant,
       Friend...
    Yeah, yeah, yeah -- Here's your plant, I'm double-parked.

 8. I got my dad's eyes, and my grandma's class,
    But thanks to YOU, Mom, I've a double-wide ass.

 7. Happy Mormon Mother's Day!
        You've earned a day of rest.
    Of all my many mommies,
        you're the one I love the best.

 6. I made this picture with lots of love,
        some tape, some glitter and glue.
    So get off my case about a job --
        I'm only thirty-two.

 5. You nursed me, Mom, & gave to me your swelling naked breast.
    I suckled there, I drank my fill, you never got a rest.
    And now that it's been thirty years, I have but one request:
    I think it's time you weaned me, Ma, my head is rather messed.

 4. Roses are red, violets are blue,
    Ellen is gay, and guess what?  I am too!

 3. Dear Mom, you've always helped me out.
        I wish that I'd helped YOU.
    But if I'd lied while on the stand,
        I'd be in prison, too!

 2. My inheritance money you're wastin'
        Living life in extravagant style.
    So today, red-hot lead you'll be tastin'
        Like the mother of Erik and Lyle.

 1. Happy Mother's Day to the best Mom.
    As a parent, well, you are Da Bomb.
        I don't mind that you boss me,
        'Cause you didn't toss me
    In the bathroom at your Senior Prom.

[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc. ]
[ The Top Five List   top5@walrus.com   http://www.topfive.com ]
[      To forward or repost, please include this section.      ]



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