Text 1826, 95 rader
Skriven 2005-04-24 12:10:44 av DAVE COBLE (1:123/140)
Ärende: Ordering a Pizza in the Future
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Operator: Thank you for calling Pizza Delivery.  May I have your National
ID number?

Customer: Hi, I'd like to place an order.

Operator: I must have your NIDN first, sir.

Customer: My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's
6102049998-45-54610.

Operator: Thank you Mr. Sheehan.  I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive,
and the phone number is 494-2366.  Your office number over at Lincoln
Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number is 266-2566.  Email address is
sheehan@home.net.  Which number are you calling from, sir?

Customer: Huh? I'm at home.  Where'd you get all this information?

Operator: We're wired into the HSS, sir.

Customer: The HSS, what is that?

Operator: We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir.  This will
add only 15 seconds to your ordering time.

Customer: (sighs) Oh well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat
Special pizzas.

Operator: I don't think that's a good idea, sir.

Customer: Whaddya mean?

Operator: Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that
you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol.  Your
National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice.

Customer: What?!?! What do you recommend, then?

Operator: You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll! like
it.

Customer: What makes you think I'd like something like that?

Operator: Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local
library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion.

Customer: All right, all right.  Give me two family-sized ones then.

Operator: That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four
kids.  Your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir.  Your total is $49.99.

Customer: Lemme give you my credit card number.

Operator: I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash.  Your
credit card balance is over its limit.

Customer: I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver
gets here.

Operator: That won't work either, sir.  Your checking account is overdrawn
also.

Customer: Never mind!  Just send the pizzas.  I'll have the cash
ready.  How long will it take?

Operator: We're running a little behind, sir.  It'll be about 45 minutes,
sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick'em up while you're out
getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little
awkward.

Customer: Wait!  How do you know I ride a scooter?

Operator: It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car
was reposessed.  But your Harley's paid for and you just filled the tank
yesterday.

Customer: Well, I'll be a #%#^^&$%^$@#

Operator: I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a July
4, 2003 conviction for swearing at a cop and another one I see here in
September for contempt at your hearing for swearing at a judge Oh yes, I
see here that you recently got out from a 90 day stay in the State
Correctional Facility.  Is this your first pizza since your return to
society?

Customer: (speechless)

Operator: Will there be anything else, sir?

Customer: Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke.

Operator: I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from
offering free soda to diabetics.  The New Constitution prohibits this.
Thank you for calling Pizza Delivery.
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