Text 1959, 166 rader
Skriven 2005-05-04 08:09:10 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: Short but sweet
===========================
  G-day George Pope,

  On the day before her 12th baby was due, Mrs. Masucci told her
husband, "I've had it. You men want more and more children, but now we
women have fixed it. We went to church and prayed to the saint to make
the fathers share the pain of labor. And from the way the candles
flared, I know the saint listened."

  Her husband laughed at her for her superstition. Later that night,
Mrs. Masucci began to feel the first labor pains. Smugly, her husband
touched his stomach. Nothing, not the least twinge. He leaned forward
and poured himself another glass of wine.

  Then, suddenly, from the street came a terrible scream. The man from
next door was clutching his belly and rolling on the sidewalk. . . .

SO ---------------------------------------

  The eldest son of a respectable Boston family announced to his shocked
father that he intended to live openly with his gay boyfriend.

  "Damn it, Rodney," the father said. "Our family came over on the
Mayflower, and we've never had a scandal like this."

  "But father, I love him."

  "That doesn't matter. For God's sake, he's Catholic!"

SO ---------------------------------------

  Jenny, an aspiring young actress, made the rounds of producers'
offices for months before finally landing a part in a police movie. The
first day's shooting called for her to be thrown from a speeding car and
tumble into a stack of garbage cans. On the second day, she was set on
fire and thrown from a third floor window. On the third day, she was
beat up by the villain and dumped into the sewage-laden river.

  Wearily, she dragged herself from the water and limped to the
production office. "Listen," she managed to stammer. "Who do I have to
sleep with to get out of this movie?"

SO ---------------------------------------

A sex researcher called one of the participants in a
recent survey to check on a discrepancy. "In response
to the question of frequency of intercourse," the
researcher said, "you answered 'twice weekly.' Your wife,
on the other hand, said 'several times per night.'"

  "That's right." the man said. "But that's only until the
second mortgage is paid off."

SO ---------------------------------------

  An eighteen-year-old boy was drinking in a bar. He
asked an older man sitting next to him, "I want to learn
all about women. What do you call that little magic
button in a woman's slit?"

  "A clitoris."

  "What's the brown part around the nipples?"

  The older man replied, "That's the areola."

  "Wow, you know everything," the boy said. "How
about that smooth patch of skin between a woman's c*nt
and her asshole?"

  The older man thought for a moment, then answered,
"I don't recall the scientific name. But most of the fellas
around here call it a chin rest."

SO ---------------------------------------

  The show girls had entertained the troops all afternoon
at a remote army base. After the performance, the major
asked, "Would you girls like to mess with the enlisted men
or the officers?"

  "It doesn't matter," one bold girl replied. "But we
would like something to eat first."

SO ---------------------------------------

  Two disgusted men were sitting at a bar having a
discussion about their wives. "What do you mean."
asked one, "when you say you have to think twice before
you leave your wife alone at night?"

  "First," the other said, "I have to think up a reason for
going out. And second, I have to think up a reason she
can't go with me."

SO ---------------------------------------

  Bill accused his wife of taking all the change out of his
pocket.  Laura said she never knew that he had any change and,
secondly, that she never put her hands in his pockets in all their
married life, and in the third place, she said that the pocket where
Bill said he had the change, why, that pocket had a hole in it.

SO ---------------------------------------

"My wife is an angel," Ken remarked to his good friend George.
"You're sure lucky," George replied, "Mine's still living."

SO ---------------------------------------

Son:   What do you call it when one woman is talking?
Dad:   Monologue.
Son:   What do you call it when two women are talking?
Dad:   Cat-alogue.

SO ---------------------------------------

  The proud father brought home a backyard swing set for his
children and immediately started to assemble it with all the
neighborhood children anxiously waiting to play on it.   After several
hours of reading the directions, attempting to fit bolt A into slot B,
etc., he finally gave up and called upon an old handyman working in a
neighboring yard.

  The old-timer came over, threw the directions away, and in a
short while had the set completely assembled.

  It's beyond me," said the father, "how you got it together
without even reading instructions."

  "To tell the truth," replied the old-timer, "I can't read, and
when you can't read, you've got to think."

SO ---------------------------------------

  Recently our speaker had to discontinue several of his long talks on
account of his throat.   Several people threatened to cut it.

  You have heard it said before that this speaker needs no introduction.
Well, I have heard him and he needs all the introduction he can get.

  You haven't heard nothing until you've heard our speaker of the
evening. Then you've heard nothing.

Our speaker needs no introduction.   What he needs is a conclusion.

  Our speaker will not bore you with a long speech...he can do it
with a short one.

  At the place our speaker last spoke, he drew a line three blocks
long.   But then the police took his chalk away.

You've been a wonderful audience...you stayed.



         ._ _.
 Cheers /(. .)\    )
  from    (*)____/Ý
  I       /       Ý
  C      /   Ý--\ Ý
  E-man (_)(_)  (_)  AWGTHTGTTSA

... George Pope. . . . Said that 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2?

--- EzyBlueWave V2.01b005 00F90260
 * Origin: Milky Way, Langley, BC [604] 532-4367 (1:153/307)