Text 1997, 102 rader
Skriven 2005-05-10 01:48:02 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
     Kommentar till en text av Heather Lennox
Ärende: Stories
===============
G-day Heather,

Two  nuns were out for a stroll when  they  came  across  two  little
alter-boys with their cocks stuck in a snowbank.

The first nun asks the boys "why do you boys have your little willies
stuck in the snowbank?"

One boy answers "I heard Father Watson likes to suck back a couple of
cold ones after mass"

After -------

Joe  is having a drink in his local bar when in walks  this  gorgeous
woman. Joe, not being too shy, goes up and sits next to her.  He buys
her  a drink and then another and then another.   After this and  the
accompanying  small-talk, Joe asks her back to his place for a  "good
time."

"Look," says the woman,  "what do you think I am? I don't turn into a
slut after 3 drinks, you  know!"

"OK,"  replies Joe, "so how many does it take?"

After ------

In a small town in the south of Ireland,  there were two churches, as
there  always are in small towns in the south of  Ireland,  a  small,
modest Protestant church and a large, fancy Catholic church.

On a certain Saturday, the Catholic priest came down with the flu and
he  called and asked the Protestant pastor to substitute for  him  at
Mass  on the following Sunday.   The pastor told the priest  that  he
would like to help,  but he knew nothing of the Catholic faith or the
rituals  of the Mass.   The Priest responded that there were  several
alter  boys and priests in training who would help  him  through  the
rough  spots, but he really needed  the  pastor,  because  a  rousing
sermon  was the thing his congregation  needed  the  most.   Somewhat
reluctlantly, the pastor agreed.

The  priest then asked him to do the confession after the  Mass.   At
this,  the pastor drew the line and said that confession was the  one
thing he would not do, first, because it was in conflict with his own
faith  and, second,  he was certain that he could not keep all of the
various  penances  straight.   The  priest  responded  that  he   too
sometimes had difficulty remembering all of the various  punishments,
but he had written them all down in a small book, which he had hidden
under the seat.  If a person said: "Forgive me Father, I have sinned.
I  have done "this",  "that" and "the other thing",  he simply had to
look  them up and give the  person  his  or  her  punishment.   Still
feeling somewhat uneasy about it, the pastor finally agreeed.

On the next day, the mass went surprisingly well.  The helpers helped
him  at all of the right times and the congregation responded to  his
sermon  very well.   He had chosen "The 10 Commandments"  because  it
always goes over well.  With slightly sweating palms, he finished the
Mass and slowly made his way into the confessional booth.

The  first person,  a young woman,  said: "Forgive me Father,  I have
sinned.  I have done "A", "B" and "C"" and, sure enough, he found all
of  the sins and their individual punishments clearly written out  in
the  priest's neat handwriting.   It went the same way for  each  and
every  person that followed and  he  found  that  he  rather  enjoyed
listening in to all of these people's provate lives.   Up to the last
person, that is.

An  older man came into the booth,  sat down and began:  "Forgive  me
Father,  I have sinned.   I know that I should not have done it but I
have  had anal intercourse once again." The pastor  looked  up  "anal
intercourse"  in the book.   It  wasn't  there!  He  fervently  tried
"sodomy",  "butt fucking",  "rectal sex" and everything else he could
think  of but none of them were in the book!  He excused himself  and
ran into the priest's small office and called him on the telephone.

When the priest answered,  he said: "Quick, tell me, what do you give
for  "anal sex"? The priest thought about it and  responded,  slowly:
"Well,  it all depends.   Sometimes a candy bar.   Sometimes  an  ice
cream come.  But usually not money."

After --------

                          The Geographical Ages of Women

 Between the ages of 16 and 18, she is like Africa - Virgin and unexplored.
 Between the ages of 19 and 35, she is like Asia - Hot and exotic.
 Between the ages of 36 and 45, she is like America - Fully explored
 and free with her resources.
 Between the ages of 46 and 60, she is like Europe - Exhausted, but
 still has points of interest.
 Over 65, she is like Australia - Everybody knows its down there, but
 nobody gives a damn!

Salutations from --Christchurch-+
  ICE-man in      /\            |          \ | /   Mountains, Sunshine
 New Zealand     /  \/\         |  /\      - O -   Forestry, Farming
-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^/      \!!ii,,..@-/==\---^-^-^-^-^ Beaches and Surfing


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