Text 2041, 99 rader
Skriven 2005-05-26 16:02:00 av George Pope
     Kommentar till en text av CERI@TWMBA.NET
Ärende: Headlines
=================
> THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2004:

They've been claiming this list as the best actual headlines of every year
since 1995 and probably before!

> Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
> [imagine that!]

Just 1, eh?

> Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
> [no, really?]

Yeah, people still could tell the plane was shot down, rather than crashed due
to terrorists!

Headlines can be funny, and so can the actual stories:


These are actual news stories from 1992, compiled by Bill Mandel
of the San Francisco Examiner.

A San Francisco man walked through a plate-glass storefront trying to
board the cable car he saw reflected in the shiny window.

A San Francisco man dressed as Mickey Mouse on Halloween was beaten on
the street by a man who threatened to kill the would-be rodent "if I
catch you dressed up like Mickey again."

Speaking of the federal deficit, U.S. Senator Dennis DeConcini said:
"We're going to wrassle to the ground this gigantic orgasm that is out
of control."

San Francisco police served a jaywalking ticket on a comatose man
hospitalized in an intensive care unit. An investigation revealed the
man, not the motorist who hit him, was at fault in the accident.

One of the men arrested for looting in the L.A. riots is a $3 million
Lotto winner who receives $120,000 a year from the state.

A women in Royal Oak, Mich., was arrested, handcuffed, and jailed for
putting her garbage cans out too early.

A Los Angeles man on trial for harrassing ice skater Katarina Witt
demanded a jury of nymphomaniacs, atheists and agnostics to compose
"a jury of his peers."

A Pennsylvania judge resigned after promising leniency to a defendent
if he could shampoo the man's hair.

A Florida wedding reception was interrupted when the bride threw
macaroni
salad at the groom and he responded with gunfire. At the hospital,
the wounded bride insisted on checking in under her new married name.

A Polish pro soccer team acquired two top players from a Kiev squad for

a truckload of potatos.

An off-duty Oklahoma city police officer ran from the stands at a high
school basketball game and arrested an official who, the cop claimed,
was
not calling enough fouls against the visiting team.

A Chicago high school teacher punished truants by making them listen to
Frank Sinatra records.

The CIA classified as "secret" the report of its Openness Task Force.

Investigators probing Sears auto repair departments found that several
cars taken in for brake repair came out with no brakes at all.

The 1982 National Father's Day Association's Father of the Year went
to jail for failing to pay child support.

New York City authorities wired more than 200 bushes in a public park
with burglar alarms.

Scientists found that watching television sitting up burns 15 percent
fewer calories than simply lying in bed.

A color-bar test pattern on a Los Angeles television drew higher
ratings
than two competing stations' 10 p.m. newscasts.



Your Moderator and all-round friend/servant,
|<+]::-) ("Cyberpope")
Internet: gapope@vcn.bc.ca
1)If you don't like a joke, post 2-3 examples of what you DO like!
B)If you DO like a joke, say thank-you with 2-3 jokes of your own! :)

(AKA the Bishop of ROM!)

... nfx v3.1 What if there were no hypothetical questions?                   

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