Text 218, 196 rader
Skriven 2004-09-25 02:27:36 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: G'day
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GS> He answered, ... "That was the Clone Arranger" (By Stan Kegel)
George Pope was replying with F unny stuff to GREG SEARS
GP> Are clones funny?
If you ask ME, Oh you are asking ME....."well if the clone-E was the
clone should also be F unny!"
> OBJoke: for our Moderator and all-round friend/servant
THE PRINCESS
Once upon a time there lived a King.
The King had a beautiful daughter...the Princess.
But the kingdom was a sad place.
There was no laughter, and no joy.
The problem was, that everything the Princess touched would melt.
No matter what, metal, wood, plastic...anything she touched would melt!!
Because of this, men were afraid of her.
Nobody would dare marry her.
The king despaired.
What could he do to help his beautiful daughter?
He consulted his wizards and magicians.
One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing
that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."
The King was overjoyed. The next day he held a competition.
Any man who could bring his daughter an object that would not melt
at her touch, would marry her and inherit the King's wealth.
Three young Princes took up the challenge.
The first Prince brought a very hard alloy of titanium.
When the Princess touched it, it melted.
The Prince went away sadly.
The second Prince brought a huge diamond,
thinking that diamond is the hardest substance in the world
and will not melt.
But, alas, once the Princess touched it, it melted.
He too went away disappointed.
The third Prince approached.
He told the Princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is
in there."
The Princess did as she was told.
She felt something hard.
She held it in her hand...and it did not melt!!
The King was overjoyed!
Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed!
And the third Prince married the Princess, and the both lived happily
ever after.
Now you're probably wondering...what was the object in the Prince's
pocket???
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
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They were M&M's, of course.
THEY melt in your MOUTH,
NOT in your HAND!!
> OBJoke: for Mr. <+]::-{(} ("Cyberpope")
A young man using the handle "flea" uploads a pornographic picture to
an Internet "newsgroup".
It happens an estimated 2000 times a day, but this time, it's
different. The picture shows a naked six year old, whom we will call
Kallie, helplessly tied in thin blue yarn... and what is perhaps even
more disturbing, the man distributing the picture is Kallie's legal
guardian.
To this date, no legal action has been taken and Kallie is still in the
custody of "flea".
Why has justice failed Kallie?
Why has the law not intervened?
The answer is simple... Kallie is a cat.
KITTY PORN
The problem is growing. Each day it is estimated that as many as twenty
pictures of young cats go up on the Internet without their knowledge or
consent. With a computer and phone line, anyone, even children, can
easily find and view these pictures.
In fact, in a frightening new trend children themselves are
increasingly responsible for taking and distributing these startling
pictures. What is to be done? Where does free speech end and compassion
begin?
In a recent study conducted by Richard Little it is estimated that
there are over a million billion pictures of cats on the Internet. That
number is expected to rise by some 30000000% over the next year.
Projections for the year 2,010 show that there will be more cat
pictures on the Internet than molecules of oxygen in the atmosphere. Of
course some critics have questioned Richard's study pointing to the fact
that Richard is only ten and a half and call the study "dangerous,
unfounded fiction" Supporters claim it's not dangerous at all. Both
sides agree however that it would be impossible to come up with accurate
numbers... so we'll use these.
All over the world there are increasing reports of kitty porn. China,
Japan and the Netherlands have all become hot spots on the kitty porn
circuit. Several organizations track these phenomena such as the "WWW
Cat Map" recently awarded POINT'S prestigious "Top 5% of the Web" award.
It chronicles some of the world's most notorious cat pages. Pages like
these can be a boon to those concerned with kitty porn, but they can
also be misused by those seeking cat pictures for prurient purposes.
Kitty porn spans economic lines as well as national borders. The kitty
porn scene is no longer characterized by poorly lit amateur photographs
of underprivileged cats, but reaches all the way to the top as this
picture of the First Kitty "Socks", photographed by the Smithsonian,
shows. No cat is safe no matter what their upbringing or how powerful
their family is.
Though humans are responsible for most of the startling pornography on
the Internet, a growing number of cases are being attributed to the
Feline Mafia Organization (FMO). Who are they and what has been their
effect in the kitty porn controversy? Is anything being done?
We talked to Special Agent Punner about the problem. "Well, the problem
has paw-satively become cat-astrophic in its pro-paw-tions. Just last
week I was helping track down a flea-ing fur-getive who was making a
feline for neuter-al territory be-claws of crimes against a young
fur-gin named Fuzzy Love. The fur-ious women who spayed at home surfing
the Internet wasn't lion when she called in the crime. To say it stroked
us the wrong way around here, barely scratches the surface. The
purr-petrator litter-aly came within a whisker of getting away, but it
was the cat's meow, interestingly enough, that lead to our apprehending
of the hair-ied fat cat responsible. Now he's praying not to get
collared and either tossed in the kennel or thrown to the wolves."
We tried to contact Fuzzy Love, but she had no comment. This was partly
due to shame and unwillingness to endure further exposure, and partly
because, like most cats... Fuzzy Love can't talk.
This is the true tragedy. While we labor to protect our freedom of
speech, who will protect those that cannot speak. Such spokescreatures
for the feline community such as Puddy, who writes the very successful
column "Ask Puddy" have been strangely silent on the subject. Of course
many people feel that animal pundits such as Puddy are mere pawns
themselves and are being controlled by other interests. We asked Puddy
for his comment, but so far we have received no reply.
Part of the problem lies in the availability and design of computers.
Not enough effort is being made to empower the feline community. They
have no voice, they are shut off and isolated. They are part of
something they do not understand and cannot participate in. They have no
power to change the Net. Of course there are more cats with access to
computers than women, minorities, and economically depressed people...
but that's not really saying much is it? Until the Web embraces everyone
equally, the problems of exploitation will continue.
Although legislation against posting cat pictures is an option, a more
intriguing option has been suggested in a report published by the
Coalition of Those Attempting to Think Clearly and Probably Failing.
"Society should spend a lot more time trying to educate and help people
stay mentally and physically healthy instead of making them sick and
then trying to stop them from hurting each other. If we must pass laws
about pornography on the Internet, we advise a law that requires
EVERYONE on the Internet to post a pornographic picture of themselves.
We don't know if that would solve the problem, but it would sure be
interesting."
For more information, smell the third step outside your house.
.------------.
/ I C E-van|[0]\
| _ |_ice\ Cheers,
~ ~=-(@)------(@)-=/ I C E-man
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... George Pope. . . . Said that 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2?
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