Text 2372, 234 rader
Skriven 2005-08-09 15:21:02 av George Pope (1:153/715.1275)
   Kommentar till text 2351 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
Ärende: F unny
==============
On (09 Aug 05) Greg Sears wrote to Maurice Kinal...
 GS>   Has New Mexico been improved?

More like how long can they be around & still called "new"

 GS>   How come nobody ever says they are from "downstate" New York?

Some do -- our friend, Cindy, does. . .

 GS>   If Quebec leaves Canada where are they going to go?

Who cares -- just get them the fuck out of here ASAP!

 GS>   If the nights in Alaska are 6 months long how long are sleepovers?

Who "sleeps"?

 GS>   If we call Florida the 'Sunshine State' shouldn't we call Alaska the
 GS> 'Sun Don't-Shine State'?

No, that'd be California -- the "Asshole State". . .

 GS>   Since blue and white are the international colours for the
 GS> handicapped
 GS> what does that say about the Iowa license plates?

You've finally solved an age-old question!

 GS>   Why is everything in Texas so big?

Texas is a midget!

Alaska is WAYYY bigger!
And anything in Canada DWARFS Texas!


                Application For Living In Texas                 pg. 01

  Name:___________________________________________________________

  Nickname:______________________ C.B. Handle_____________________

  Mobile Home Color: ( )  Two-tone, Brown and White
                     ( )  Two-tone, Pink and White
                     ( )  Faded Green

  Daddy: (if unknown, attach list of three suspects): _______________
                                                      _______________
                                                      _______________

  Mama: _____________________________________________________________

  Neck Shade: ( ) Light Red  ( ) Medium Red ( ) Dark Red

  Number of teeth in exposed full grin: Upper__________ Lower__________

  Model of pickup truck:_______________   Size of tires: _____________

  Number of beer cans on floor of pickup truck:______________________

  Truck equipped with:
  ( ) Gun Rack         ( ) Mud Flaps     ( ) Camper Top     ( ) Air Horn
  ( ) American Flag    ( ) 4-W Drive     ( ) 8-Track        ( ) Rust
  ( ) Fuzz Buster      ( ) Roll Bar      ( ) C.B.           ( ) Mud Tires
  ( ) Load of wood     ( ) Dents         ( ) Deer poaching spot light
  ( ) Playboy emblem hanging from rearview mirror
  ( ) Woman's garter hanging from rearview mirror
  ( ) Pine tree air freshener hanging from rearview mirror

  Bumper Stickers
  ( ) Honk if You're Horny               ( ) *uck 'em Bevo
  ( ) Almost Heaven, Hayward             ( ) Where the Hell is
Rhinelander?
  ( ) Feminazi's for Kohl                ( ) Texas State Bird:
Mockingbird
  ( ) Ducks Unlimited                    ( ) Walleyes Unlimited
  ( ) Tommy Bartlett Water Show          ( ) Nuke Everybody
  ( ) Eat Meat or Die                    ( ) Longhorns for Bush
  ( ) The Pack is Back (on bumper since 1973, still waiting)
  ( ) You'll Get My Gun When You Pry My Cold Dead Fingers From Around The
      Barrel

  Favorite Meal:
  ( ) Anything fried in lard
  ( ) Pickled pigs feet
  ( ) Steak and Beer
  ( ) Beer and Bud
  ( ) Steak and Bud lite (for those on a diet)
  ( ) Green bean and mushroom soup casserole
  ( ) Slim Jims and lime Jell-o


                Application For Living In Texas                 pg. 02


  Favorite Music:
  ( ) Country                 ( ) Western             ( ) Country Western
  ( ) Anything played by an accordian

  Favorite Recreation:
  ( ) Deer Huntin
  ( ) Snowmobilin
  ( ) Watching Green Acres reruns
  ( ) Fishin with live bait
  ( ) Deer huntin while drinking
  ( ) Driving while drinking
  ( ) Watchin Green Acres while drinking
  ( ) Fishin with live bait while drinking

  Favorite Weapon:
  ( ) .22          ( ) 30/30          ( ) 30/06            ( ) Ice auger
  ( ) Chain saw    ( ) Tire iron      ( ) Forehead         ( ) Wife

  Favorite Fragrance:
  ( ) Wet dogs         ( ) WD-40            ( ) Bud Ice
  ( ) Frying Spam      ( ) Diesel fuel
  ( ) A Longhorn hair wet on a hot day in August
  ( ) Fish guts after a week in the trash (in the garage) in August
  ( ) Any scent eminating from a bodily orifice

  Favorite Cap Emblem:
  ( ) Marlboro Smokes  ( ) Marlboro Lights ( ) Blatz        ( ) Skoal
  ( ) Cowboys          ( ) Pabst          ( ) John Deere    ( ) Hamms
  ( ) Longhorns        ( ) Point Beer     ( ) Old Fart      ( ) Old Style
  ( ) Texas A&M

  Favorite Reading:
  ( ) Fishing Facts    ( ) TV Guide         ( ) Beer Bottle labels
  ( ) Enquirer         ( ) Guns & Ammo      ( ) Today's Mercenary
  ( ) Polka Digest     ( ) Aryan Review     ( ) Welfare Application
  ( ) Sports Illustrated (swimsuit edition only)

  Length of Right Leg: ____________  Length of Left Leg: ______________

  Things in Your Front Yard:
  ( ) Various kitchen appliances     ( ) Piles of split wood
  ( ) Cars on blocks                 ( ) Horse Sh!t
  ( ) Dog run with all the grass worn away down to rock hard dirt
  ( ) Broken, metal frame, screen gazebo
  ( ) Deer hanging from tree limb--in season
  ( ) Deer Hanging from tree limb--out of season
  ( ) Wood cut-out of bent over woman





                Application For Living In Texas                 pg. 03


  When was your last sighting of Elvis?: ______________________________

  Do you wear mostly Wrangler's?: ____________________________

  Do you own any shoes? (not counting boots): _________________________

  Are you married to any of the following:
  ( ) Sister           ( ) Cousin             ( ) Cousin's sister

  Can you beat your wife at arm wrestling? ____________________________

  Typical Greeting:
  ( ) Good Moring, dere
  ( ) Dem Cowboys is playing like a buncha old women
  ( ) Dem Oilers is playing like a buncha old women
  ( ) Dem Longhorns is playing like a buncha old women
  ( ) Dem Aggies is playing like a buncha old women

  ( ) Dey should take da whole buncha dem Madison liberals and queers and
      line em up and shoot em
  ( ) Dey should just let dem Indians spear dose idiots at the DNR
  ( ) Ya, hey
  ( ) Them Amercians have no pride

  Favorite Tavern Name:
  ( ) County Trunk Bar         ( ) Dew Drop Inn
  ( ) Deer Drop Inn            ( ) Deer Droppings Inn
  ( ) Escape Club              ( ) Lone Star Club
  ( ) LakeSide Hole            ( ) Lone Star Supper Club
  ( ) Texas Supper Club        ( ) Lone Star Cafe

  Favorite Automobile:
  ( ) '67 Ford Galaxy
  ( ) '67 Ford Galaxy with transmission
  ( ) '67 Ford Galaxy with '73 Chevy Impala transmission
  ( ) '67 Ford Galaxy with '73 Chevy Impala transmission and '71 Buick
      LeSabre engine

  Farthest Point South Ever Traveled:
  ( ) County Trunk GG     ( ) County Trunk CC    ( ) County Trunk Bar
  ( ) South side of Ranch ( ) Polar              ( ) Nebraska
  ( ) Maple               ( ) Houston            ( ) The Out-House
  ( ) Neighbor's Ranch    ( ) Taco Cabana        ( ) Backyard
  ( ) Austin              ( ) Scandinavia        ( ) Neighbor's backyard
  ( ) Browsville          ( ) El Paso            ( ) Mexico
  ( ) Beaver              ( ) An ice shanty on the Flambeau Flowage





  Most Memorable Event You've Ever Attended
  ( ) Minocqua Moose Call Competition
  ( ) Went to 6th street Carnival
  ( ) The Buying of Your First Truck
  ( ) Alamo
  ( ) Lake Tomahawk Crew Cut Championships
  ( ) Ogema Outboard Motor Repair Finals
  ( ) Spread Eagle International Proctologists Convention
  ( ) Chetek Carp Queen Beauty Contest and Carp Cuisine Cook-Off
  ( ) Eagle River Shout-Off for the Deaf (held week after the roach
races)
  ( ) Attend Yrasema nightly gathering
  ( ) Go to Dance Across
  ( ) WWF (World Wrestling Federation) event at the Dome



  Your Signature (an X will do): _________________________________



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