Text 2451, 141 rader
Skriven 2005-09-05 07:39:32 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: Hello, is this the SPCA?
====================================
            George Pope was saying F unny stuff to  all  

 GP>       "There's a horrid magazine salesman sitting in a tree teasing
   >        my dog."

SLINGS AND ARROWS

A few musings and bemusings:

Utility companies tend to serve their clientele as regional monopolies.
A similar system is used by drug gangs and Mafia families, but with
better customer service.

Emphasis is not a substitute for reasoned argument -- Jesse Jackson,
please take note.

Hunger is the best sauce -- but a nice curry comes close.

I do not look to rock musicians for moral and spiritual guidance for the
same reason that I do not look to clergymen for three chords and a 4/4
beat.

The German government recently announced that, fifty-two years after the
end of World War II, it would try to cut off pensions to Nazi war
criminals.  Boy, it's all in the timing, isn't it?

Dennis Rodman has said that he wants to play his last NBA game
completely naked.  I just hope he doesn't do much dribbling.

I did on one occasion commit free verse, but it was ruled justifiable
and I was acquitted.

There is no right answer when a woman asks you "Do I look fat?"  If you
say "no" she will think that you are lying to spare her feelings,
conclude she is fat, and hate you.  If you say "yes" U.S. Marshals will
find the bloody shreds of your body spread over three states.  Feign
death until she loses interest and wanders away.

New Yorkers deserve each other.

Many people have suggested to Ted Kennedy that he should be more like
his brother John.  In my opinion, Ted needs that like a hole in the
head.

Who-Gives-A-Rat's-[CENSORED] Department:  According to a Reuters news
report, the airport at Ernesto Cortissoz, Columbia, was shut down for
almost an hour on September 5th when a rat relieved itself on a
high-power cable, causing a short circuit and countless air-travel
delays.  The rat has since received employment offers from several major
airlines.

I am considering applying for employment with the IRS.  Given the common
perception of an adversarial relationship between the IRS and taxpaying
public, it's always nice to be on the winning side.

Under heavy Senate questioning, an aide to vice-president Al Gore
categorically denied that the veep's now-infamous visit to the Hsi Lai
Temple was a fundraiser.  Hearings were then recessed to allow the
aide's nose to shrink back to its original size.

A small child is the most effective birth-control device known to man.

A couple of entries from the Cynic's Compendium:

Graduation (n.):  Ceremony in which the student is removed from the
frying pan and placed in the fire.

Loyalty (n.):  Term denoting the unconditional devotion of a dog to its
master.  Occasionally used facetiously in describing human
relationships.

Copyright 1999 by Jonathan P. Bernick


> Your Moderator and all-round friend/servant

  The high point of my granpa's life was the chance he had to go to
Europe and travel through most of the countries.  He was especially proud
of the large number of castles and redans and other fortified structures
he visited and described in newspaper articles.  In fact, for the rest of
his life he talked often of his tour de forts.


> OBJoke: for Mr. <+]::-{(} ("Cyberpope")

Second Grader Offers IPO - Makes $30 Million In First Day Of Trading

Silicon Valley, CA -

     Second grader Timmy Watson announced an initial public offering for
his web page titled "I Love My Kitty" on the NASDAQ stock exchange
yesterday.

     I Love My Kitty LLC (KTTY) made over thirty-million in the first
day of trading.  The stock rocketed from an initial two dollars a share
to a whopping four-hundred-and-sixty dollars a share in the first two
hours of trading.

   I Love My Kitty LLC is based on Timmy's web page of the same name
which explains to everyone how much he loves his kitty Mittens.
Investors are hoping to build, "A radical new E-commerce site based on
"I Love My Kitty".  According to Saul Schlepstein, an expert in
e-business, "ILMK could very well be the next Amazon.com!  I mean this
page has everything!  Cute kids!  Cats!  We think it will soon be one of
the strongest e-commerce sites on the net!  It's amazing!  I think I
just wet my pants!"

   Not everyone is excited about the new company though.  Timmy's older
sister Tanya is reported to be creating her own site entitled "I Love My
Barbie!"  Many investors are holding off on buying ILMK stock in case
ILMB turns out to be better positioned in the market than ILMK.  Daniel
Codpiece of the investment firm of Morton Morton And Ted noted that,
"Tanya is in the FOURTH grade.  Making us suspect that she will come out
with a much more marketable product."

   In response to investors fears that ILMK will be eclipsed by his
sister's page, Timmy announced that, "Tanya is a big poopy head!"  He
also informed the press that she seems to have a particularly virulent
strain of "cooties".


Another Fine Article Brought To You By
The Weekly Grumble
http://www.weeklygrumble.com
Now With Bleach!

All rights reserved, copyrighted, etc.  You get the gist of it.
Feel free to pass this along, just include the tag-line and the end
please.


Cheers,
       __o          o__      o__      o__      o__     There's one
     _ \<,_        _.>/ _   _.>/ _   _.>/ _   _.>/ _   in every
    (@)/ (@)      (@) \(@) (@) \(@) (@) \(@) (@) \(@)  crowd....
...I C E-man.

... George, better find your aim in life before you run out of ammunition!

--- EzyBlueWave V2.01b006 00F90257
 * Origin: Afraid of the competition? We ARE the Competition! (3:633/104)