Text 2502, 164 rader
Skriven 2005-09-16 23:35:29 av ceri@twmba.net
Ärende: Medical
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From: "Rai" <ceri@twmba.net>
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The GP was annoyed that his partner offered his five year old son, Felix, as 
caddy for an important competitive game of golf.
"The bag can get heavy even with a buggy, you have to know the clubs and you 
have to be able to count my strokes," the GP tried to explain to the young 
boy. "For example, how much is six plus nine plus eight?"
"Five." answered Felix.
"Okay," the GP said, "let's go." 

"I'm worried that I'm losing my wife's love," the husband told his family 
physician.
"Has she started to neglect you?"
"Not at all," the dejected man replied. "She meets me at the door with a 
cold drink and a warm kiss. My shirts are always ironed, she's a great cook, 
the house is always neat,
she keeps the kids out of my hair. She lets me choose the television shows 
we watch and she never objects to kinky sex or says she has a headache."
"So what's the problem?"
"Maybe I'm just being too sensitive," the husband ventured, "but at night, 
when she thinks I'm sleeping, she puts her lips close to my ear and 
whispers, 'Die! You son of a
bitch, die!'" 

A retired GP decides to take up acting in the local senior citizens drama 
society. He has great trouble remembering his lines. He gets a few roles as 
an extra and finally, after a number of years, the producer, out of pity, 
decides to give him a role with one line to speak.
In an encouraging way the director tells him, "This is the most important 
part of the play, and it has only one line, you must walk on to the stage 
carrying a rose, you must hold the rose with just one finger and your thumb 
to your nose, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet 
aroma of my mistress.' You are then to come straight off stage".
The retired GP is thrilled. All day long before the play he's practicing his 
line and his movements onto and off the stage over and over again. Finally 
the time came. His wife stayed with him back stage to signal when he was to 
go on. He strode onto the stage at the right moment, and with great passion 
delivered the line; "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress" and exits 
appropriately.
The theatre erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the 
director was steaming when the actor went backstage! "You bloody fool!" he 
cried, "You have ruined me!"
The actor was bewildered, "What did I do wrong?" he asked. "I thought I 
delivered the line perfectly!"
"No!" the director screamed, "You forgot the bloody rose!" 

A GP leaves a medical conference, walks out into the street and manages to 
get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi and the cabbie says to him, 
"Perfect timing. You're just like Dave."
"Who?"
"Dave Bronson. There's a guy everything went right for. Like me coming along 
when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Dave every single 
time."
"Surely everyone has some things that go wrong" says the tired GP trying to 
make small-talk.
"Not Dave. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in 
tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and 
danced like a Broadway star."
"He was something, huh?"
"He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew 
all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. 
I change a fuse, and the whole neighbourhood blacks out."
"No wonder you remember him."
"Well, I never actually met Dave."
"Then how do you know so much about him?"
"I married his widow." 

After a heart-transplant operation, the patient was receiving instructions 
from her doctor. She was placed on a strict diet, denied alcohol and tobacco 
and advised to get at least eight hours sleep a night.
Finally, the patient asked: "What about my sex life, Doc? Will it be all 
right for me to have intercourse?"
"Just with your husband," responded the doctor. "We don't want you to get 
too excited." 

A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Dr.Martin's 
daughter." 

Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Martin." 

The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday school, and said, "Aren't you Dr. Martin's 
daughter?" 

She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not." 

 

A GP accompanied her daughter's class on school camp. During a sport session 
she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while 
the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. 

Wishing to be of assistance, she approached the girl and asked if she was 
all right. 

The girl said she was. 

A little while later, however, she noticed the girl was in the same spot, 
still by herself. 

Approaching again, she offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?"
The girl hesitated, then said, "Okay," looking at the GP suspiciously. 

Feeling she was making progress, she then asked, "Why are you standing here 
all alone, little girl?" 

"Because," said the child with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie." 

 


A GP's wife has booked an exterminating company whose practice was to 
comfirm each appointment by phone the night before the service call to a 
household. 

The GP husband answered the phone. 

"Hi, this is Gary from A to Z Pest Control Company. Your wife phoned us." 

There was a long silence, and then the GP said, "Honey, it's for 
you....someone wants to talk to you about your relatives." 

 

A GP was worried that he had been working long hours and neglecting his 
wife. He arrived home planning to make up for it and said, "Tonight I am 
going to make you the happiest woman in the world." 

She responded, "I'll miss you." 

 

A medical receptionist had been asked to be 'nicer' to patients and to try 
and find something positive to say to them or something to like about them. 
She then said to one patient, "Thank you, Mr. Smith. I wish I had twenty 
customers like you." 

"Gosh, it's nice to hear that, but I'm kind of surprised," admitted Smith. 

"You know that I try and get squeezed in, complain about waiting, complain 
about the service, argue every bill and always pay late." 

The receptionist said, "I'd still like twenty customers like you. The 
problem is, I have three hundred." 

 

A medical student doing a community health placement and with a looming 
examination in general practice rang a medical bookstore and asked if they 
stocked "General Practice for Dummies." 

"No," the clerk replied, "but we do sell "The Complete Idiot's Guide to 
General Practice." 

The student groaned and said, "No...the Complete Idiot's Guide to General 
Practice will be way over my head!" 

Rai
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