Text 3023, 82 rader
Skriven 2005-11-20 01:01:26 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
     Kommentar till en text av Michiel van der Vlist
Ärende: F unny
==============
  A few years ago, when we lived in an apartment, I thought I'd
surprise the Dragon Lady and defrost the fridge while she and her
sister did their usual Saturday shopping. This fridge was avocado
green, and had one large door which opened on the left side, with
the freezer compartment inside. I'm sure you, like everyone else of
pre-frost-free vintage, had it drummed into your head to NEVER use a
knife to chip away the ice, and like everyone else, ignored the
advice when Mom wasn't looking. Of course, after we moved out, Mom
was never looking, so defrosting went a lot faster.

  Well, Mom was right. I guess I had to pay for all the years I'd
gotten away with the freezer sin, because I stabbed that sumbitch
right in the heart, which happened to be a few inches away from my
face. Instantly, a high pressure spray hit my face. I got the hell
out of the kitchen and threw open the windows. When the noise died
down, I went to check out the damage. I'd always thought that a
freon charge would be a colourless gas, but I guess I thought wrong,
because most of the kitchen was covered in a slimy substance that
looked very much like President's Choice Cooking Spray with Real
Butter. It certainly looked like that on my face, too.

  Aw shit, I was thinking - the kitchen's a mess, the DL is on her way
home with a dead fridge full of groceries, and it's Saturday - the
superintendent won't be able to do anything about it. Well, better
go see the super first, anyway. Off I went, leaving a trail of slimy
yellow footprints. The super wasn't in, but his wife was - of course
her husband couldn't do anything today, she said, and there was a
set fee of $275 for idiots that murder their fridge. That was just
the capper I needed for the day. I dunno - maybe my bottom lip was
quivering, or something, but she finally told me where her husband
was.

  [There IS an ending, so hang in there] Fortunately, I'd spent years
cultivating a good relationship with the super, which is essential
to survival in an apartment, and it was time to cash in. If you live
in an apartment, there is only one true god who controls your life.
Finally, the super said he'd try to come up with something, but he
didn't sound too hopeful.

  I went back to the apt, and started cleaning up the mess. Man, that
stuff didn't give up without a fight. With every second, I was sure
the DL would walk in. After half an hour, I'd gotten the kitchen
de-slimed, or at least back to its normal state, when there was a
knock on the door. What should be in the hallway but the super, a
helper, and a brand new frost-free fridge.

"Where did you get that?!?!"
"It was supposed to go to a guy on the 8th floor, but he's an
asshole, so I'm giving it to you."
I wasn't going to argue, and I ripped all the food out of the old
fridge, and pulled off the 366 magnets, coupons, and phone numbers
of people who may have died some years before. Five minutes later,
the new fridge was in place, and the old one was on its way to
fridge heaven. I asked the super about the $275. "Oh that - forget
it - we only charge that to people we don't like, like the guy that
was supposed to get this fridge...hehehe."

I put the food into the fridge, which was WHITE, had TWO doors (top
and bottom) which opened on the RIGHT side, and was slightly larger
than the old one. It was also clean. I reloaded the magnets etc.,
checked to make sure it wouldn't fall over frontwards, poured a
stiff one, and sat down in the living room.

A very few mintues later, DL and sister showed up with the
groceries. I helped carry them in, and went back to my nearly empty
drink. I listened to them put the groceries away for a few minutes -
how long, I wondered, how long....? Finally:

"Geoff!"
"Yes?"
"Did you do something to the fridge door?"

Salutations from --Christchurch-+
  ICE-man in      /\            |          \ | /   Mountains, Sunshine
 New Zealand     /  \/\         |  /\     -- O --   Forestry, Farming
-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^/      \!!ii,,..@-/==\---^-^-^-^-^ Beaches and Surfing


... Cool! I figured out the Sysop's passwor$>@7& NO CARRIER

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