Text 3335, 166 rader
Skriven 2006-01-02 09:51:28 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: A story
===================
 GP> On (31 Dec 05) Greg Sears wrote to All...
   > Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date
   > that a woman ever had.

 Echo: FUNNY
 Date: 01-Jan-2006 07:35
 Read:" A story "
 George Pope Put A SMILE on Greg Sears's  DIAL #[:-)] 

 GP> Yeah, hard not to vote that one the winner!

 George Pope, Have you read this one. . . .

     Three truck drivers die and meet St.  Peter at the pearly gates.
St.  Peter asks the first truck driver "Did you ever break the law?" The
truck driver responds "Sure." St.  Peter then asks him "Did you ever
exceed the speed limit?" The driver responds "All the time." Then St.
Peter asks him "Did you ever cheat on your wife?", to which the truck
driver heartily responded "Every chance I got." St.  Peter then told the
first truck driver to select door number 3 of the three available doors.

     Then St.  Peter asks the second truck driver "Did you ever break the
law?", and the truck driver responds "Sometimes." "Did you ever
exceed the speed limit?", "Every now and then." "Did you ever cheat on
your wife?".

     "A couple of times." St.  Peter told truck driver number 2 to also
enter door number 3.

     St.  Peter now asks truck driver number 3 the same questions.  "Did
you ever break the law?", to which the truck driver says "No." He then
asks "Did you ever exceed the speed limit?", and again the driver
responds "No".  St.  Peter then asks "Did you ever cheat on your wife?".
The truck driver thought a couple of seconds and said "Well, once.  You
see, I was in this bar in Kentucky.  I noticed they only had one woman
in it for all of the men.  I asked the bartender why this was and he
said 'Well, she's all we need.  She can suck a baseball bat through a
garden hose.', so that's when I cheated on my wife".  St.  Peter then
told the truck driver to enter door number 1.  The truck driver, in
amazement, then asks "What??  You sent the others to door number 3??"
St.  Peter calmly replies, "Yes, and they are going to hell.  You and I
are going to Kentucky...."


> OBJoke: for our Moderator and all-round friend/servant

                         Lummox.
Lummox is my lab.

     For those of you who are NOT dog people, I'll put that
into perspective for you. I have a 10 year male show dog, a
breeder who damn near has a patient on making Bambi eyes and
being a pleading little beggar.

     It's worse than it sounds. Labs are a gentle breed... a
GREAT pet for a family with children. What the kennels DON'T
tell you about labs is far more important than what the ads
read, so here goes with the truth about labs.

     They're hyperactive. A lab wants to run 20 miles a day,
but wants your company for all of it. This dog sits on your
foot, or tries to get the most out of your lap, even when
you're outside. Blind people get used to this, I guess. Labs
are usually what they give to the blind. You had better get
used to it too, 'cause if that's where the dog thinks he
should be, that's where he's gonna go.

     Labs are loyal. Fine and dandy, but THIS means they
only listen to one person and them they obey slavishly.
Anyone else in the room is just for licking, not for
listening to. Even if you're the one walking them.

     They also follow you around.. room to room to room,
always two steps behind you or half a step in front of you,
waiting for something interesting to happen. Which does on a
regular basis as you trip over the damn dog following you.

     Not VERY fatal, but EXTREMELY irritating when you're
out jogging. You spend your time either kicking the dog in
the jaw as it creeps up behind you or cursing a blue streak
when they cut in front of you to stop. You also develop an
undeserved reputation for abusing pets fairly rapidly around
the neigborhood.

     Labs like water. They like it a LOT. Being a Canadian
breed, some idiot must've cross-bred the first lab with a
beaver and those genes stuck. Mine tries to do everything in
the water, including sleep there. Fine if you live on the
lake, not so much fun when the dog thinks your morning
shower is THE social event of the day.

      Please don't mention sticks to your lab. Ours DOES
collect firewood for us, but I'm still trying to live down
the time someone asked the dog for a tree instead of
a stick.

        You see, she brought it to him. We don't know where
she got it from to this day.

     Labs also drink a lot and spend every extra ounce of
water giving people baths wether they want one or not. Don't
fight this. Like having the dog sit on your foot, if they
decide you need a bath, you're licked.

     Did I mention labs being gentle? ie, the worlds biggest
wosies? Can I add to that EXCEPT where other labs are
concerned? My unsterilized male has growling contests with
every other dog he meets, then I get stuck trying to explain
to people that he really works in a daycare taking care of
children and isn't REALLY a murderous killer, regardless of
what he sounds like at the moment.

     Oh, my lab got the name Lummox because he thinks he's
part cat. Lummox rubs against things... and being 90 pounds
or so, tends to move them when he does. This rearranges the
living-room furniture on a regular basis.. sometimes while
you're still in it.

     Oh, now the bad news. I liked labs so much I got
another one. SHE has her own ideas on what to do and when to
do it and has no compulsion about promoting them.

     Pardon me, I'm being told life has gotten boring again
and its time for walkies.


> OBJoke: for Mr. <+]::-{(} ("Cyberpope")

Joe was getting along in years and his eyes were not
what they used to be.  He began having trouble finding
his ball on the course and mentioned it to the club pro.

"You should team up with one of the other older gents
who has better eyesight." the pro told him.  "Old Lester
has terrific vision.  He can watch your ball and tell
you where it landed."

So Joe contacts Lester and they agree to make twosome
the next day.

The next day comes around and Joe tees up.  "Watch my
ball, Lester.  I can't see too well, so I need you to
tell me where it lands."

"Okay." says Lester.

WHACK! Joe drives the ball straight as an arrow down the
fairway.  "Did you see where it landed?" he asks Lester.

"Yep." Lester replies.

"Where?"

"Uh ... ya know, I can't seem to remember...."


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