Text 372, 136 rader
Skriven 2004-10-15 06:50:38 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
Ärende: Book
============
.  o  _   From the Desk of the Greg Sears AREA: F-UNNY
. Q\_|_)   --=[ I C E-man's Story Book for ALL ]=--
. T> III                     Page: 19

   The fortune cookie says "Don't play golf in the rain. You'll get
your balls wet".

OR

   The frustrated golfer drove over the river and threw the woods.

OR

   There was a country club which didn't allow women on the golf
course.  Eventually, there was enough pressure that they decided to
allow women on the course during the week.

    The ladies were satisfied with this arrangement, formed a women's
club, and became active.  After about 6 months, the club board
received a letter from the women's club complaining about the men
urinating on the golf course.  Naturally, they just ignored the
matter.  After another 6 months, they received another letter
reminding them of the previous letter and demanding action.  After due
deliberation they sent the women a letter advising them that they had
been granted equal privileges!

OR

   There's a woman out golfing, and a golf pro decides to watch her,
and she's doing just awful, so he decides to help. He comes over to
her, and tries to explain how to hold the club, but she just doesn't
get it.
    So he says "Ok, hold it like you would your husbands dick." She
does, and hits it 100 yards... The second time, 140 yards.
    "Great "says the golf pro, "Now spit out that driver and I'll show
ya how to putt!"

OR

   There's this golfer, and he really, really, likes golfing and he
goes just about every day. One day he knocks one WAYYYYY into the
woods, and as he's looking  for  it, he comes across a witch, stirring
a huge pot. Curiously, he asks what's in it, and the witch goes "A
golfing potion.  It will help your game 500%, but there ARE some
after-effects". The guy says "Like  what?". Witch:"Your sex life will
just go down the tubes." The guy thinks, and decides that he's not
been doing to well anyway, so he agrees. The next time he goes
golfing, his score goes down by about 20 strokes, and he does really
good all year.  About  9  months later, he purposely hits one into the
woods, and talks to the witch. She asks him:"How's golfing?"
    "Better than ever!" says the guy
    "What about your sex life?" Says the witch
    "Well, I've gotten it 9 times in the last 9 months"
    "That's worse than I'd thought"said the witch
    "Not really," said the man," It's not bad for an 85 year old
Catholic Priest.

OR

   These two guys are playing golf, and they're behind a twosome of
very slow women.  After putting up with this for a couple of holes,
one of the guys decides to run ahead and ask the women if they can
play through.  He gets halfway down the fairway, then turns around and
runs back.  "Oh my gosh", he says to his partner, "I can't go ask them
- one of those women is my wife and the other is my girlfriend!"  So
the other guy decides to run ahead and ask.  After getting halfway
down the fairway, he too turns around and runs back.  "Small world!",
he says.

OR

   A Catholic boy was bragging to his Jewish friend: "My priest knows
more than your rabbi!"
    "Of course he does," said the Jewish boy. "You tell him everything."

OR

   A certain Jewish gentleman was having a run of very bad luck. (I
won't bore everybody with the FULL details, but suffice it to say that
his wife was divorcing him, his Mother-in-law was foreclosing on the
mortgage on his house, his car was re-possessed, and his daughter was
getting her name changed. Not to mention the fact that his business
was in the process of going bankrupt.)

    He decided to end it all and went to the kitchen to find a carving
knife with which to slash his wrists.

    Just as he was about to carry out this grisly task he realized he
was hungry so he opened the refrigerator (No sense dying on an empty
stomach) and took out a bagel, sliced it in half and buttered it. He
was just in the process of transferring it to his mouth when it
slipped out of his hand somersaults several times and landed on the
kitchen floor BUTTER SIDE UP !!

    As his kitchen was carpeted with a lovely bit of $100 a yard cloth
of gold, he realized that there must be some extreme significance to
this apparently random fluke of Nature and so, putting his self-
destruction plans on "hold", he grabbed his hat and coat and raced off
to the synagogue where he breathlessly related the whole story to the
Rabbi.

    "Rabbi, do you think it's a sign from God that my luck is going to
change? Please Rabbi, tell me the meaning of the sign!"

    The Rabbi regarded him carefully and responded thus:

    "My Son, I must consult the Holy Books. I must discuss this with
the learned Men. Put $100 in the collection for the poor and come back
on Tuesday, when all will be revealed."

    He did as he was asked and walked home a lighter and somewhat
happier man.

    Now he was on tenterhooks until Tuesday. He couldn't sleep
wondering about the significance of the Bagel which defied the Law of
Selective Gravity. The hours dragged past slowly until finally Tuesday
morning arrived and he rushed once more to the synagogue.

    "Rabbi! Rabbi! You remember me! The man with the bad luck and th
bagel. Tell me, Rabbi, have you solved the significance of the sign?"

    "My Son, I have consulted the Holy Books and the Ancient Wisdom, I
have discussed at great length with the learned men what happened with
the bagel, and I am sure we have reached the meaning of the sign."

    "Tell me Rabbi! Tell me!"

    "You buttered it on the wrong side, you Schmuck!"


... People laughing. . . . makes it noisy in F UNNY #[;-)]

 

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