Text 373, 141 rader
Skriven 2004-10-15 06:51:10 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
Ärende: Book
============
.  o  _   From the Desk of the Greg Sears AREA: F-UNNY
. Q\_|_)   --=[ I C E-man's Story Book for ALL ]=--
. T> III                     Page: 20

         Crime Doesn't Pay... If You're a Complete Moron


Kidnappers who abducted Gildo dos Santos near his factory in a suburb of
Sao Paulo, Brazil, demanded $690,000, but Santos escaped. The next day,
Santos got a phone call asking for $11,500 to defray the cost of the
abduction. After negotiating a discount of 50 percent, Santos called
police, who were waiting when Luiz Carlos Valerio showed up to collect
payment.


Police in Virginia Beach, Virginia charged Charles Robertson, 19, with
robbing a bank when he bungled his way into their hands. After handing
the teller a holdup note, Robertson started to flee but stopped when he
realized that he had forgot his note. He dashed back and grabbed the
note, but this time he left the keys to his getaway car -- a fact he
didn+t discover until he reached the vehicle. he managed to elude
police, but when he got home he told his roommate, whose car he had
borrowed, that it had been stolen. She reported the car missing, and
about 20 minutes later Officer Mike Koch spotted it a block from the
bank. Playing a hunch, Koch got the keys the robbery suspect had left
behind. When they fit the car that had been reported stolen, detectives
went to the address the owner had given and found Robertson.


A bicyclist who confronted three well-dressed men walking to their hotel
in Alexandria, Virginia, pointed what looked like a 9mm semi-automatic
handgun at them and demanded money. The three men turned out to be off-
duty federal agents, who drew their own weapons and fired more than 20
shots, hitting the would-be robber, as well as three cars, a truck, two
homes and an office building. The injured suspect's weapon turned out to
be a pellet gun.


FBI agents in Jacksonville, Florida, arrested brothers Robert, 54, and
Kenneth, 49, Alberton, accusing them of talking dentist John Rende into
letting them chop off his finger with an ax so they could claim it was
an accident and collect a fortune in insurance money. Rende at first
agreed to the scheme, then changed his mind. The Albertons forcibly cut
off his right index finger anyway. Unable to continue practicing
dentistry, Rende collected $1.3 million. He paid the brothers $45,000.
Later, they tried to extort $500,000, so he notified the FBI.


In April, 1995, a gunman in Columbia, Tennessee, announced a bank
robbery, but the bank had closed the previous August. "He walked in here
and said, 'Give me your money,' and I laughed," said Lea Ables, who
works for the insurance company that moved into the office. "I didn't
think he was serious at first. He then sort of looked funny and asked,
'This ain't a bank anymore?'" He left after robbing two workers of $127.


Two gunmen wearing ski masks burst into the Old Colony Credit Bureau in
Plymouth, Massachusetts, ordered the owner and three other workers to
lie on the floor, then ransacked the office. They fled with a small
amount of cash and some jewelry. Police were baffled why the robbers
would target Old Colony, which compiles credit reports and keeps little
cash on hand, although some officials speculated that the holdup was a
botched bank robbery, with the robbers mistaking the credit bureau for a
credit union.


In Arlington, Virginia, a man presented a check for $1,450 to a bank
teller, who told him to wait for approval and took the check to
Assistant Vice President Melinda Babson. She knew the woman whose check
it was but didn't recognize the signature, so she called her. The woman
said she had not written the check, which Babson then copied and faxed
to her. The whole time, the unsuspecting suspect waited calmly, sipping
a cup of coffee, according to Senior Vice President Andrew Flott who
noted after police arrived and arrested the man, "He was a knucklehead
for not leaving." Even if he had left, the teller had his driver's
license, which he had given her for identification with the check.


Carl Rankin, 35, was charged with holding up a store near Trenton, New
Jersey, using a cup of hot coffee as a weapon. Police said Rankin threw
the coffee at a convenience store clerk, then reached into the cash
register.


John Schieman, 37, was charged with robbery, assault and grand larceny
after his intended victim, Robin Van Bortle, 32, beat him with an anti-
theft device known as the Club. She told police she was attaching it to
her car steering wheel in suburban Rochester, New York, when Schieman
tried to force his way into her car, so she "just started to hit him
with it."


In the trial of six men charged with attempting Britain's biggest cash
robbery, prosecuting lawyer Guy Boney told the court that the gang
forced an armored car carrying $18.2 million to be driven to a wooded
area, then used high-powered torches to open it. But, Boney noted, the
torches also set off "a horrendously expensive bonfire" that turned up
to $2.4 million into ashes and caused the men to flee.


The attorney for Howard "Wing Ding" Jones, accused of selling drugs,
sought to lower his client's bail from $150,000, insisting in a
Norristown, Pennsylvania, courtroom that Jones was not a risk to flee.
At that very moment, Jones bolted from the courtroom and sprinted out
the front door. Police captured him 50 minutes later and returned him to
the courtroom, where his bail was raised to $500,000.


New Jersey Trooper Glenn Lubertazzi stopped a car for speeding and was
asking the three occupants routine questions when one of them, Tina
Stigger, 30, asked if she could have a cigarette from a pack in the
car's glove compartment. While handing the pack to the woman, he noticed
it contained a marijuana joint. Authorities reported that a search of
the vehicle turned up $32,000 in suspected drug-buy money, marijuana and
drug paraphernalia.


In St. Paul, Minnesota, two masked gunmen claiming to be police officers
burst into a home and tied up a 39-year old woman and her two teenagers
with duct tape. The men wore black pants, black T-shirts with the word
"POLICE" and pantyhose over their faces, according to the woman, who
said they asked for a man and, when told he didn't live there, said,
"Damn, we got the wrong house." Another daughter elsewhere in the house
had already called police, but the men fled before squad cars arrived.


Kansas City, Missouri, authorities charged Dale Richardson, 20, with
snatching a purse from a woman dining with a friend at a restaurant. The
victim was Jackson County Prosecuting Attorney Claire McCaskill. After
making off with the purse, the suspect reportedly called McCaskill's
house and offered to return the purse, which contained $50 cash and her
prosecutor's badge, for a $250 reward. A police officer posing as
McCaskill's baby-sitter, met the suspect, who was arrested soon after.


... People laughing. . . . makes it noisy in F UNNY #[;-)]

 

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