Text 3902, 150 rader
Skriven 2006-04-13 07:31:50 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: B.I.B.L.E.
======================
FUNNY

 -=[09-Apr-2006 01:13, George Pope wrote IN a message to all]=-

 GP> The B.I.B.L.E.

 <<<<<<<<< c u t >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

  I met my friend Louie the other day and said to him, "Hi, Louie!"

  He says, "Man, don't you never call me Louie again.  From now on you
call me Lucky Louie."

  I says, "Ok, Lucky Louie it is, but why?"

  He says, "Man, I was walking down the street the other day, and a
piano they was hoisting up to the third story window come loose from
its rope and smashed down right behind me.  If I'd been three feet back,
I'd a been mashed to hamburger.  So you call me Lucky Louie."

  So I met him again the other day and says to him, "Hi ya Lucky
Louie!"

  He says to me, "Man, don't you never call me Lucky Louie again!  From
now on, you call me Lucky Lucky Louie."

  I says to him, "Ok, Lucky Lucky Louie it is, but why?"

  He says, "Man, I was walking across the street the other day, and
this jerk in his car, he comes around through the red light, and he
doesn't see me, and runs right through the street in front of me.  If
I'd a been three feet earlier, I'd a been mashed to hamburger.  So from
now on you call me Lucky Lucky Louie."

  Again I met the guy and says to him, "Hi ya, Lucky Lucky Louie!"

  And, as you can guess, he again says to me, "Man, don't you never
call me Lucky Lucky Louie again.  From now own you call me Lucky Lucky
Lucky Louie."

  And so like an idiot, I ask him, "Ok, why should I call you now Lucky
Lucky Lucky Louie?"

  And he says to me, "Man, the other night me and the lady, we were
getting it on there on her sofa there in the living room, and all of a
sudden, her chandelier gets loose from the ceiling and falls down and
hits me right in the butt!  I had to go to the hospital and get me three
stitches!"

  "Now wait a minute, you want me to call you Lucky Lucky Lucky Louie
because you got three stiches on your butt?"

  "Yeah, man, cause if that chandelier had fallen just five minutes
earlier, it would have busted my head!"


> OBJoke: fro our Moderator and all-round friend/servant

  There was a man from the old country who had struggled up from
poverty and became a millionaire.  He started out as a boy selling
hotdogs for five cents apiece out of a buggy and forty years later he
was the largest meat packer in the area.

  He had a factory seven blocks long, five blocks wide and seven
stories high.  He had a wife who was better than a thousand dollar a
night woman in bed and she could cook better than Oscar of the Waldorf.
He lived like a king and wanted for nothing.

  This man was Ginsburg, the meat packer.  The only fly in his soup was
his dumb son Donny.  The dumb shmuck of a son did not graduate high
school until he was 26 years old.  He was really stupid.

  The old man was bound and determined that Donny would have a college
degree.  So Ginsburg bought a university, bribed the professors to teach
the kid how to be successful at cheating on examinations and hired
tutors. Finally, when the kid was 44 years old he called old man
ginsburg from school and told his old man that he finally graduated and
got his degree.

  The old man was thrilled and said, "Come home fast.  I have a real
big surprise for you."

  Donny answered, "It probably ain't nothing.  No big deal, but I am
coming home."

  As soon as Donny came home Ginsburg drove him to the packing plant
and pointed to the roof.  There stood a neon sign three blocks long and
four stories high and it said in real big letters, 'GINSBURG AND SON
MEAT PACKING COMPANY.'

  The old man said "You're now a partner.  You like this?"

  Donny answered, "That ain't nothing.  No big deal."

  The old man was dismayed at the attitude of his son but said nothing.

  Ginsburg took Donny into the main office suite where there was money
laying all over the floor.  Clerks were scooping the money up with snow
shovels, baling it like waste paper, weighing the bales of money on big
scales and putting the bales on dump trucks to take it to the bank.

  The old man said, "You are a partner now.  It's all half yours.  You
like this?"

  Donny said, "This ain't much.  No big deal."

  Ginsburg began to boil but said nothing and took Donny on a tour of
the plant.  He showed him a machine five blocks long.  At one end
cowboys were driving whole herds of cattle into the machine.  At the
other end of the machine out came chops, roasts, steaks, leather shoes
and coats, belts, and soupbones.  Furthermore, everything was neatly
packaged in saran wrap and priced.  The old man said, "I designed and
built this machine and it is standard in the industry now.  It cost me
forty million dollars.  Its half yours now.  You like this?"

  Donny answered, "No big deal.  It ain't very much."

  The old man was ready to boil over but said nothing.

  They came to the next machine and it was six blocks long.  At one end
men were dumping whole truckloads of pigs into a funnel that was four
stories high.  Five blocks down was coming out all kinds of sausages.
Smoked, salted, pickled, raw, skinless and fresh.  Italian, polish,
kosher, all kinds and in any size and shape and all were neatly packed,
labeled and priced.

  The old man said, " I just designed this and built it myself.  It
cost me sixty million bucks and we are now the only ones in the world
that have one like this.  You are a partner.  It is half yours.  You
like this?"

  His son said, "No big deal.  This ain't nothing.  Why don't you
reverse it so you can put in sausages and get live pigs."

  This was it for Ginsburg, his pot finally boiled over and he blurted
out to his son, "Only your mother has such a machine."



     . . . . o o o o o
           _____      0
  ____====  ]OO|_n_n__][.
 [________]_|__|________)<   Cheers,
  oo    oo  'oo OOOO-| oo\_  I C E-man 
+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+

... ÜßÜßÜÜßÜßÜÜßÜßÜ ‹ DRi¥K tì màkˆ éÂhÉ© pˆ•plä ¡Nt‰R‰StiïG. ßÜßÜßßÜßÜßßÜßÜ

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