Text 4044, 85 rader
Skriven 2006-04-25 07:56:18 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
Ärende: Book
============
.  o  _   From the Desk of Greg Sears AREA: F-UNNY
. Q\_|_)   --=[ I C E-man's Oldy Goldies Book for ALL ]=--
. T> III                     Page: 19

AUSSIE: where blokes are blokes and sheep/roos are scared:

This KIWI goes travelling through AUSSIE and decides to take a walk through
Kings Cross in Sydney. On doing this, he notices a local sitting on a park
bench, passionately kissing a sheep. Perplexed, the KIWI asks "hey mate, do
you shear her?" and the AUSSIE replies "no, git yer own fu<king date mate!"

Q: How do AUSSIE's find their sheep in long grass?
A: Very satisfying.

Q: What do AUSSIE's do about sex?
A: Hev dunner.

A KIWI and an AUSSIE were walking along and saw a sheep stuck in fence
with it's rear end towards them. "I wish it were Elle McFerson stuck there."
says the KIWI. The AUSSIE replies "Oi jist wush ut wuh dark."

Q: What do you call an KIWI with half a brain removed?
A: Two AUSSIEs.

Q: What is a good AUSSIE invention?
A: Velcro gloves for sheep farmers.... baaaaaaaaa

Q: Why don't AUSSIEs take their girlfriends to the rugby<footy>?
A: `Coz they'll jump the fence and eat the grass

Q: What is AUSSIE's national anthem?
A:      (a) Nothing compares to ewe's
        (b) Baa baa black sheep
        (c) Sheep poo keeps falling in my boots

Q: Why do AUSSIEs <if they get it UP> f*ck their sheep on a cliff's edge?
A: More push-back

Q: What happens when Australia's stupidest person goes to New Zealand?
A: New Zealands IQ drops 100%.

An AUSSIE farmer is getting ready to mow his hay paddock. He tells the
contractor "I want you to mow the whole paddock and hillside, except the bit
under that tree down there, and beside the rock up on the hill." "Ok" replies
the contractor "But why?" "Well , under that tree was where I had my first
root." "Righto" says the contractor, "But what about the hillside part?"
"Well, her mother was standing up by that rock." "Get f*cked, what did she
have to say about that?" "Bbbaaaaaaaaa."

A AUSSIE sheep farmer is living on his own in the hills of the snowys. One
morning he gets a call from the neighbour who also lives on his own in the
hills, "Thought you might like to come over for a party tomorrow." The cocky
asks "What have you got planned ?" The neighbour says "Well, first we'll have
a big feed of Fush and Chups, and then we'll have a massive orgy. Then we'll
dance around naked and have some more sex. Finally, we'll down a few jars of
QB and engage in yet more sex." "Ok" says the cocky "S oun ds good to me, but
all I've got to wear are my overalls and gumboots." "That doesn't matter"
comes the reply. "It'll only be us and the sheep/roos."

An AUSSIE sheep cocky takes his fourteen year old son to a brothel in Sydney
to introduce him to manhood! Junior makes his selection and quickly follows
her upstairs to the bedroom. Once inside, the pro begins to disrobe and
junior walks over to the bed, tips it on its side, and leans it against the
wall. The pro looks a little puzzled, but says nothing and continues to
disrobe. Next junior picks up the bedside table and fires it out the window.
The pro is starting to look a bit worried. Junior grabs the ch airs and turfs
them out where the table went, then starts to strip. The pro says "Have you
ever done this before?" "No" says junior as he slips his gumboots back on,
"But I figure if its anything like roos, we'll need all the room we can get!"

An AUSSIE ventriloquist was driving in the countryside one day when his car
broke down near a farm. The farmer offered to call the local garage to have
his car fixed. While waiting for the tow truck, the ventriloquist decided to
practice his skills. So he made the cow ask the farmer how he was doing.

The farmer was so shocked that  he ran inside the house to get his family. As
his wife and son exited the house, a chicken said "hello!" to them. Then the
son said, "Whatever that sheep sez is a bloody lie!"

... People laughing. . . . makes it noisy in F UNNY #[;-)]

 

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