Text 4123, 172 rader
Skriven 2006-05-05 08:55:36 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: Prymid spam joke
============================
  -=> 04-May-2006 11:35, George Pope wrote in a message to George Pope <=-

 GP> On (07 Apr 06) George Pope wrote to Nathan Prugh...
   > Dear Friend:  If you're insane, please take a moment and read this...
   > Oh, crap, I answered this one before, okay, here's a different make
   > scam joke instead. . .
   > MAKE MONEY LEGALLY:
   > Make money legally... 5 easy steps to money for nothing, not a
   > pyramid thingie or such waste of time and money. It works.
   > Here's what you do:
   > 1. Get a job

   WHERE?????????

   > 2. Show up for work.

   WHERE?????????

   > 3. Collect your paycheck

  WHERE??????????

   > 4. Put money in the bank

  WHERE??????????

  > 5. Collect interest! Wow! Money for nothing!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  WOW......you sure made that sound easy CyberPope!!!!!!!!!!

> OBJoke: for our Moderator and all-round friend/servant

          RAYGN  by Peter A. Klein, Seattle, WA

  After recent telecasts of the "Barbara Walters Special" and "Bedtime
For Bonzo," I dreamed of the following scenario:

IRRITATING FEMALE VOICE: Hewo, this is Baba Wawa at the White House.  We
wiw be tawking with Pwesident and Mrs.  Wonald Waygun, who will weveal
incwedible personal wevawations about their pehsonawities and pehsenol
wives.

COMMERCIAL for Investment Securities Firm

IRRITATING FEMALE VOICE: Mistaw Pwesident, is it twoo that an
entwepenuwial computah fihm has witten a new wangwidge named aftuh you?

REASSURING GRANDFATHERLY VOICE: Gee...  I don't know.  Nancy, what do
you think?

  Here's what Baba Wawa was talking about, taken from John Divorceact's
column in INFOWHIRL.

BOREDLAND, INTERNATIONAL ANNOUNCES RAYGN--A OLD LANGUAGE IN NEW CLOTHES
In an attempt to crack more conservative markets, Boredland has
introduced a new computer language, RAYGN.  RAYGN is an enhanced version
of Orange County BASIC, which is in turn a highly refined version of
"Hoover Trojan Horse BASIC" (though its authors vehemently deny this,
we've seen the code--ed.)
  Like interpreted BASIC, RAYGN is comfortable, old and a little slow.
It is very good at simple graphics.  It is often inaccurate.  But
somehow RAYGN always manages to convince the user that it is his
perception of the problem (rather than RAYGN's answer) that is actually
wrong.  Ordinary people like RAYGN because it is simple, direct, and
reminds them of less complicated times.  RAYGN offers many extensions
to BASIC.  It features a new logical function, MORAL, sometimes called
"Falwell's Contextual Boolean." MORAL(x) may evaluate to either TRUE or
FALSE regardless of the actual value of x.  All that matters is whether
x is on the left or right side of an expression.  A new function called
KEISTER has been added, but nobody is sure what it does.  Fixed-point
variables of types MILDOLLAR, BILDOLLAR and TRILDOLLAR have also been
added.  These may only have negative values (though positive values have
been promised in time for the next release).  When using these variable
types, a function called COST$2MUCH may be employed.  COST$2MUCH(x)
always evaluates to TRUE, unless the expression 4DEFENSE(x) is also
true, in which case RAYGN will double or triple the value of x.
  RAYGN's authors believe that their style of programming and memory
resource allocation is the ONLY true way to program.  Thus, RAYGN's
automatic housecleaning facilities are, shall we say, a bit aggressive.
It will eliminate any variables it believes are wasteful or unnecessary.
It may even do this while the variables are in use!  It is then the
responsibility of the user to trim his program or give up on it.
According to RAYGN's developers, this encourages the writing of tight
code Further, if RAYGN discovers any other languages or software in its
directories, it will attempt to reorganize them according to its own
principles.  Normally, this does not matter, because users of RAYGN are
so devoted that they wouldn't dream of using another language, anyway.
However, hard disk users should be careful to keep other software in
separate directories.  This will often suffice, because RAYGN will
normally not interfere with programs in other directories unless they
are very small, employ annoyingly flashy graphics, or attempt to write
to RAYGN's directories.  But certain software is incompatible with RAYGN
and may not exist on the same disk with it.  RAYGN's authors are
unalterably opposed to programs that make use of bitwise left shift
operators.  If RAYGN detects even the slightest use of left shift, it
will attempt to recode or destroy the offending program regardless of
what directory it is in.  It does no good to have such files
write-protected, because RAYGN will then switch to direct hardware calls
(known as "covert disk operations").
  RAYGN has some very limited "artificial intelligence" capabilities.
It can detect syntax errors and constructions inconsistent with its
developers' philosophy of programming, even before the RETURN key is
pressed.  When such conditions occur, RAYGN will display the warning
message, "Go ahead, make my day!" When RAYGN encounters a problem it
can't solve, it will always default to routines in the library
PRIVATSEC.TOR.  This library has been somewhat unstable of late, so
results are uncertain.  RAYGN may be identified by the prompt string
"Well...>" If the right angle bracket fails to appear, RAYGN is "asleep"
and not ready for input.  The user must press RETURN several times until
the bracket appears.  RAYGN is highly compatible with a pointing device
known as the "PC Meese," which is also available from RAYGN's
developers.  It has been noted that the language responds much quicker
to the Meese than to input from the keyboard, or any other device.


> OBJoke: for Mr. <+]::-{(} ("Cyberpope")

My name is Sgt. Friday.
I work on Tuesday.

Tuesday is my secretary.

One night we went to a party.
On our way there, we had a flat tire.
I jacked, she pumped;
I jacked, she pumped;

Then she got out of the car to fix the tire.

When we got to the party, we all felt merry.

Mary got mad and left.
We all jumped for Joy.
Joy got mad and left too.

Then a lady jumped out of the party cake.

We all had a piece

The cake wasn't that bad either.

Then I dropped my keys under the couch.
I felt, she felt;
I felt, she felt;

Then I looked under the couch for the keys.

Then I took her home and we sat on the porch.

Someone threw a rock and hit her on the tit.

Broke three of my fingers.

I was gonna kiss her goodnight but she
closed her legs and broke my glasses.

Then her dad came out and told me to beat it.

So I did then left.


         ._ _.
 Cheers /(. .)\    )
  from    (*)____/Ý
  I       /       Ý
  C      /   Ý--\ Ý
  E-man (_)(_)  (_)  AWGTHTGTTSA

... ÜßÜßÜÜßÜßÜÜßÜßÜ ‹ DRi¥K tì màkˆ éÂhÉ© pˆ•plä ¡Nt‰R‰StiïG. ßÜßÜßßÜßÜßßÜßÜ

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 * Origin: Afraid of the competition? We ARE the Competition! (3:633/104)